A Medley of Sorts
by Matrineal
Summary: Elena is convinced that someone is after Rufus, following a series of attacks on his life and the company. Though despite her warnings, Rufus doesn't seem convinced; thinking that maybe it's she who's the real target.
1. Mako Reactor Zero

_**A/N: Hey, so this is a work I had re written several times, and which I finally feel comfortable with thanks to some rightful kicks in the butt from Violet's Veil and Someone's Charm. I thank you girls with all my heart and I deserved it to get me to improve my writing! Anyways, I'll let you guys read on and leave a review! I love them. Plus they help those little radioactive bunnies multiply. So do it! :) Love ya! **_

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><p>Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. I only own the plot for this story and some concepts used therein.<p>

Chapter I: Mako Reactor Zero

"Reno, have you found an entrance yet?" My commander's voice cuts through the heavy silence that has fallen between my companion and I since take off. His distraction gives me a chance to search the ground of the Sector Six slums for an unmistakable opening in the cement. A stream of bleak sunlight breaks through a thick curtain of clouds in the sky, only to be blocked by the central pillar when our chopper pulls a sharp turn to avoid the light.

"No, Commander. Elena's taking her sweet time." I shoot a glare at him from the corner of my eye, increasing my concentration even more on the distorted rubble covered ground. My depth perception is really being thrown off by the repetitive pattern of destruction dotting areas of the Slums from the top plate. I still struggle to search for an opening in the different shades of gray, but I see nothing.

"Try in the southeast direction, near Sector Four," I offer, receiving an instant tug to my left while Reno makes the sharp turn. Bright golden sun and pink sky flash painfully in our eyes, before being blocked for a while by what's left of the Shin-Ra Building.

Hopefully this investigation goes smoother than what is natural for us. However, I wouldn't be surprised if we somehow run into trouble while making this excursion below Midgar. That or anything involving Shin-Ra's brutal past. Some skeletons can never be cleaned from the closet. As it were, we Turks find it difficult to sit easy now that we are aware of our superior's father's inhumane legacy. He got what he wanted in creating an army far superior to SOLDIER, yet never considered that his successor would be left to pick up the pieces.

Rufus has made it crystal clear to us that our attention need be directed on the functioning of the reactors, including Zero. So Reno and I are making this round, just a few weeks after the end of what has been hell on earth. We're checking that everything is offline, as it should be on the upper plate since each reactor there has a connection with the one below Midgar. Our boss also made Reactor Zero one of high importance, lest there be a malfunction which would result in meltdown and thus putting all of Edge in danger of Mako poisoning. It's bad enough that the people still believe us responsible for the Geostigma. If Zero were to go into meltdown, that would only give them further reason to distrust the company. I personally find it a bit hurtful since we're now trying to help restore the planet and redeem ourselves for what has happened in the past. We, too have loved ones who have suffered the same fate from our actions.

A cloud that decides to hang low on the horizon, blocking the sun helps in keeping me from going blind while I search the Sector Four slums area.

"There!" I point at a large black chasm running along the ground used as a possible opening during the Deep Ground war, leading forces to the surface. It's partially hidden at this angle by a building, but appears wide enough for us to make the descent without much difficulty.

"You got it," Reno responds with a laid back air, leading our chopper into a full on nose dive into what feels could possibly be oblivion.

XxXxX

"Hurry with that search light, Laney!"

"I'm trying! Give me a second!" My fingers run across the control panel littered with buttons and switches of all kinds in the blackness that has immediately consumed us with a hellish obscurity. So far, I'm having absolutely no luck at all and Reno's pestering isn't improving our chances.

"What's wrong?" Tseng's tone has a slight edge to it when his voice fills our headsets. Considering how this mission isn't one of our safer ones I'd be worried, too. However, I refuse an answer to my partner's question, still trying to find that damn switch. It's gotta be around here somewhere! I'm instantly blinded in a different way by a white light glaring in my eyes from my superior's flashlight, letting out a squeal of surprise along with a few curses.

"Reno! You are such an ass-"

"Relax, Canary, above you." He cuts off what was going to be an endless string of all derogatory terms I can think of by directing the beam of light over my head to several more switches. I give him a confused expression illuminated by the dim light, still unable to make out much due to multicolored dots dancing in my vision.

"What?" I ask, making my confusion evident to both my fellow Turk and my partner who now feels a world away.

"The searchlight switch is above your head, Elena," Tseng clarifies with a touch of amusement. I'm glad someone finds my misfortunes amusing. To add with how stupid I already feel, I can just slightly make out a smirk that Reno next to me is wearing. I should have known that's what he's referring to. I also want to give him a piece of my mind by beating him with his own flashlight, but would rather my partner not hear all I have to say and be subject to filing a report of misconduct against me. Instead, I settle at glaring at my superior next to me. Goddam Reno and his knowing what makes me tick.

_Smug asshole_, I growl inwardly while opting to remain silent, and reach over my head to flip the searchlight switch, instantly blinding Reno by glaring off of a wall of granite that's closer than expected. I swallow hard thinking of how badly that could have ended. He lets out a groan, where it's my turn to revel in his pain, wearing a smirk that lasts only a few seconds while he shakes his head.

"Alright! Now we're set. Let's go see if Deep Ground really is the force to be reckoned with that Vincent Valentine and Reeve claim."

_We already know that to be true_, a voice says in the back of my mind.

My stomach feels as if it's decided to check out of my body, leaving a dropping feeling while our helicopter makes the steady yet slow descent through endlessness. I almost can't stand the claustrophobic illusion after what makes me think that it has been hours on an elevator. I check my watch just to make sure it hasn't really been hours; just a very long ten minutes. Too long for an elevator ride I would ever care to be on. I'm about ready to voice my complaint in my companion's direction. A glint of red catches from the corner of my eye. It expands as we continue our controlled drop, eventually opening up over what I can only make out to be thousands of tiny black rooftops dotting a large tree like structure in the center. Its limbs reach up through the ceiling only to disappear, in which I can make out the enormously typed print marking it as Reactor Zero. My throat tightens even more at the sight of something none of us would ever expect.

"What the hell…" Reno allows the chopper to hoover over the ruins of Deep Ground, circling around the reactor once to get a good grasp of how expansive this place is.

"It must be the size of Midgar's Upper Plate," I choke out. My eyes scan over the deserted city, hanging on to many waterways and bridges that dot the area separating the city into sections.

"No kidding…" Reno agrees, readying the helicopter for landing while we still hang close to the top. A ceiling… how peculiar to say that when we have the freedom of seeing the sky outside. So many people have been taken from their homes for this project, forced from their sky into the prison masked as a city. A hell in and of itself that none of us above could ever imagine would exist. It's life changing. I instantly feel the need to leave this place; to let sleeping dogs lie. Something about Deep Ground makes me feel like a snitch for having to report what we find. I'm not so sure I want to anymore.

"What's down there?" Tseng's voice brings me out of my thoughts with his sudden question that makes me practically jump out of my seat.

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you, Sir," I manage through my own disbelief of what I'm seeing.

"This project must have been under construction since Shin-Ra was first built in Midgar. It's the only way to explain it, boss," Reno follows. I glance at him away from the window and the false sunlight, receiving a nod as an okay to make our landing.

Leaving the safety of the ceiling in search of a proper clearing, our radios give out to dead air and we lose the signal while we close in on a spot in the inner city. I switch over a few channels in attempt to recover the signal, though it proves to be no good and I drop my headset in my lap. A grimace forms at the thought of Reno and I being alone down here with no assistance. Reno, on the other hand, tears off his headset, tossing it behind him with not a care in the world of where it may land. The crash it makes against the floor in the back makes me flinch. This feels worse than being on the surface alone. At least there we have the sky and a solid signal where we can contact help.

"So much for the radios. We'll have to test the other equipment, lest it decides not to work either," my fellow Turk comments shutting down the engine and slipping out. An acrid stench of recycled air abuses my senses upon opening the door; it takes a few minutes for me to accept the difference before I open my own door, stepping onto the dusty cobblestone. I check the rounds in my gun, while Reno brings out a scanner, holding it at eye level with Reactor Zero in the background. In a few strides, I meet him at the nose of the chopper, where he leans nonchalantly against the black iron. He smacks his hand against the side of the screen, chasing away fuzzy lines of a struggling signal.

"C'mon…" his voice trails off, giving the side a few more good smacks, finally getting a stable reading.

"There." A smile of triumph spreads across his face for that feat. Sometimes abusing technology works.

"Well Mako levels are normal, if that's any consolation."

"What about the reactor? Hasn't it been shut down?" I ask not understanding why we still have light.

"Cool down doesn't have a set time. It doesn't just shut off like you would expect it to. That's why boss man has us monitoring it. There's only so much we can do from headquarters; that we have to come down here and shut it off manually. However, this type of 'turning off' could take months if not years to be done properly. Also, there's meltdown to keep in consideration." His voice trails off squinting against the screen. A look of sheer displeasure replaces what remains of the easy grin at whatever shows up between the fuzzy lines of static.

"Something's there…"

"Let me see." I take the device from his hands, leaning up against the choppers nose and tapping the screen to zoom in on a specific location marked by a red blinking dot inside the reactor. There shouldn't be anything, let alone anyone besides us down here.

"But that's…" I start, glancing up to my fellow Turk who appears more and more concerned with every second that passes.

"We might as well check it out. There could be nothing, there could be something. Who knows. Either way, we still have a report to file where I'd much rather it be the former over the latter. So, what do you say, Canary? You up for a little adventure," he asks me with an easy tone, pushing off from the black steel and gaining distance within a few strides. I frown at the nickname he intentionally gave me on my first day, saying that it suits me best before catching up to him.

After a few minutes of walking through the ruins in silence, it feels a bit odd that neither of us can come up with anything to talk about. Normally, Reno would find something to bug me concerning Tseng, or whatever comes to his sporadic imagination. Mine alone is bad enough without influence from him, but this is just weird. Then again, what we both saw on the screen not too long ago is a little unsettling.

"Hey, what do you say we have a drink after this?" he asks glancing in my direction for an answer. His EMR taps against his shoulder in a steady rhythm. I scoff knowing where he plans to take this conversation.

"Reno, I'm not going to let you get me drunk again. Not after what happened last time."

"I didn't say '_get drunk_', Laney. I said '_have a drink_'. There _is_ a difference. Not that you would know." He saunters off to the side out of reach from where my fist is ready to meet his face.

"So violent, Elena. Is that what Tseng likes in bed?" His comment makes the heat rise in embarrassment from what I have been told about my drunk self's escapades, courtesy of Reno. I rather not revisit those memories.

"You are such an ass," I comment under my breath, spotting a devious grin spread across his face.

"Does that mean yes?" he asks determined for an answer. I roll my eyes giving a heavy sigh.

"We'll see." I'm surprised at my own words, watching the devil in Reno expose itself even more. _Oh, gods…_

"I'll hold you to that, Elena. Now, let's get some work done."

We're now standing not far from the entrance to Reactor Zero, where my senses kick into overdrive against the stench of Mako and chemicals determined to make me gag. I cover my nose and mouth with the sleeve of my suit in an attempt to fight it. My jaw clenches at the monstrosity which the reactors on the top plate appear stunted in comparison. I bring the scanner up to eye level, a smaller version of Zero showing up on the screen.

"That's odd…" my voice comes out muffled by my sleeve. I'm utterly confused now. There's nothing on the screen. No reading of any life form inside the reactor. Reno stops in his tracks to glance back at me, brow furrowed.

"What is?" he asks, an air of confusion affecting him as well. I glance up to the reactor, then back at the screen in hand.

"Remember how we saw something on the screen not too long ago?"

"Your point?" my fellow Turk breathes out.

"It's just… Nothing's there now."

"Probably for the better. It could have misread something, though I would hate to think that's the case." His tone gives me the impression that he's wary of how safe we really are down here. There could be some remaining soldiers in hiding somewhere. However, it should be deserted. This is why we brought the scanner with us, to make sure we are alone and not have to worry about all different kinds of danger than we need to.

We come up to a steel door at the base. Rust encrusts the edges with a discolored and green tinged from containing Mako for so long without being monitored. I'm half expecting radioactive rabbits to burst through the door when we open it. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. My nerves find the time appropriate to lose their cool while Reno types in the override code on an encrusted keypad, wiping his fingers on his pant leg afterwards. The door slides open on grinding gears with the speed that could almost match a snail. He turns to me with a mock bow.

"After you, m'lady."

Hand still covering my nose and mouth, I take a few awkward steps forward, stepping over a raised threshold and into what can be determined as a grease monkey's best friend. Green and rust have no problem making their home here on the walls, the grating under my feet, and the railing. Underneath us lies a cocktail I have no desire of falling into. The door slams behind us with enough force to reverberate everything inside. Funny how a door that takes so long to open can close like a Adamantaimai's jaw. That does it. My nerves are finished and my courage has officially signed out. I attempt at taking a few deep breaths, sleeves covering my hands which now have a death grip upon each rail. The subconscious half of me has finally realized that there is little separating me from the toxic soup below. In my mind I desperately hope that if I slip, or the grating gives way, that Reno will catch me should I fall.

_Oh, gods. Oh, gods. Oh, gods._ This has to be the most terrifying thing next to being forced across a rope bridge over a lake of lava.

_Don't look down,_ I encourage myself, my redheaded companion still trailing behind me despite the very slow pace.

"We need to get to the control room. That's where we can properly monitor this thing by downloading all the data."

I nod at his instructions, continuing my deep breathing exercise in between the terror of heights that are determined to keep me glued to one spot. My hands force a tighter grip upon each railing, knuckles turning a blinding white to match the Mako below. Oh, gods I can't do this. The reactors in Midgar on the Upper Plate aren't like this. Unlike Zero, they have a solid flooring that cannot be seen through.

"Don't look down, Elena. It is better not to. Just walk forward; follow the railings." Reno's voice tries to convince me with a calm tone. An echo of his EMR being set down causes me to jump and keep my grip firm. I hate this. With every fiber of my being I decide that I officially hate reactors and always will. I feel his fingers wrap around mine, coaxing them away from each bar to thin air.

"C'mon. You got this. Now walk." My teeth grind against the thought of even moving.

"Y-you won't let me fall?" I ask with an unsure tone.

"I won't let you fall," he confirms solidly.

_But he's going to give me crap about it later_. My stomach does a flip, eyes drifting down to the grating.

"No! Ahead. Look ahead." He presses his hands against both sides of my face, directing my eyes to concentrate on the door a few feet away while I take a few unwilling steps.

With the few next sections being like the first, my fear of falling into Mako soup is confronted with each challenge. Nothing says getting over a phobia like taking it head on. I'm not as afraid as I was when we first entered, soon being able to walk the passageways without Reno's assistance. Despite him now taking up the lead, he decides to hang back and wait for me before moving on in case I decide to freak out. When we make it to the control room, he instantly runs over to one of the computers, logging into the Shin-Ra database and pulls out a flash drive for the files. I watch in silence as he works, plugging said drive into the side of the computer, typing at a pace that can't be matched by anyone I know. Multiple windows pop up before he gives the side of the screen a good smack. As if that would make it work properly like a magic button. A string of curses follow under his breath before going back to work. In the meantime, I bring up the scanner once again, tapping the screen lightly to home in on our location within the reactor. Our previous concern shows up, not too far in comparison to where we are. It wasn't a mistake after all. I swallow hard realizing that whatever is there a few chambers away is aware of where Reno and I are and is advancing fast.

"Uh, Reno…" I warn, my voice betraying me in an attempt to remain steady.

"Yeah." His response is curt, concentration still focused on his screen. I bite my bottom lip watching the little blinking red dot as it passes through chambers, getting closer to ours. There's no mistake about it being a life form. I really don't care to find out what kind it may be.

"We've got company!" I drop the tablet, my hand instinctively reaching for my gun, pulling it out in a fluid motion directed at the door. I doubt normal bullets will do much against a Mako induced beast, let alone a Mako induced human. However, I don't receive the honor in finding out which will come through door number one. An explosion rings out, sounding as if it has come from the chamber in which our company was previously. The steady lake tremors beneath our feet, knocking down a few flecks of rust to land near my feet. Both Reno and I glare up to the piping. His hand grips his EMR that has been lying within reach. Another explosion follows suit, not long after the first. This time, closer. He tears the flash drive from the computer, shoving it in his pocket then grabbing my wrist.

"Run!" There's no hint of hesitation in his voice when giving that easy order. We tear down corridors which are still open before the wailing of sirens changes everything. Doors begin to slam shut in an emergency lock down to contain what can only be interpreted as a meltdown by Zero's safety system. Not but a few seconds later, lights shut off, switching themselves to a red hue from their normal dim yellow. This is definitely not my day! I can't hear myself think against flashing lights, blaring sirens and an automated voice warning us of the meltdown. Reno on the other hand, wastes no time in overriding the security, allowing us through doors that have already closed. Once the one in front of us opens, I race to the next key pad.

"What's the code," I call above the commotion to my superior. At a time like this, I'm glad to have Reno at my side since he can practically spew ten thousand codes as easily as he can recite the ABC's. I haven't had the privilege of learning emergency inputs to all the reactors since after Meteorfall they proved unnecessary.

"7, 2, 6, 1!" he calls back, rushing through then having the door bolt heavily behind him. My fingers punch against the sticky number pad that hasn't been used in years. We don't waste any time in stepping through and repeating the process for the last few chambers before reaching our destination at the front door.

Once out in the open, my superior takes a firm grasp of my wrist again, dragging me behind him as he runs as far away from the danger as physically possible. I have the disadvantage of tripping over pieces of downed buildings a few times, yet not falling while my fellow Turk searches with desperation for our chopper. Reactor Zero's combustion catches us off guard, sending us flying like toys from the shock wave. I hit the ground a few feet away from Reno, feeling bones crack under my weight on impact. Gods, my chest hurts! A scream catches in my throat as I roll over to avoid collision with implements which induce more pain. Reno forces himself up, spitting blood on the ground as he does so, a wince of agony forcing him down again with a shudder. In the same condition, I struggle to my feet, being a bit more successful but not before him. He helps me up with an expression of annoyance. Not at me, but at what just happened. There is no way that could be an accident, leaving me to wonder how in the world we are going to explain this to Rufus. A third explosion catches my attention in the eerie silence of our surroundings. An acrid scent of smoke and fuel burns every sensory perception I own, which I can only recognize as coming from our helicopter. I fight myself to not panic. This isn't the end. There must be another way out somewhere.

"What… now?" I ask between difficult breaths growing shallower from cracked and broken ribs. It doesn't help that Reno has us running again. Blue eyes meet mine when he faces me for a second.

"We come up with another way out. Find the Dragonfly's or something. But we sure as hell aren't staying down here for any more surprises."

I scan the area for those very distinctive helicopters used by Deep Ground, spotting one in near perfect condition and tugging on my companion's sleeve to follow me. His slight smile makes it obvious that I'm doing something right since this mission has started. He races ahead of me to the door, extending and tapping his EMR against another control pad, then forcing the door wide enough to slip through. I'm behind him shortly, crashing into him blinded by the sudden darkness and mutter an apology. When the door closes behind me, I take the time to look around; a dim blue illuminates the cockpit thus making for easier maneuvering.

It's definitely more spacious than our own helicopter, seeing as both of us are able to walk around freely without worry of collision. I feel that it be necessary to acquaint myself with any controls I may find, not wanting to make that mistake again of not knowing where anything is. If we're going to fly the Dragonfly out, Reno and I might as well know what works for what. Interestingly enough, there aren't as many switches or buttons as in our helicopter. This chopper has been upgraded with more advanced technology than our own on the surface. Now this really is an example of Shin-Ra technology at its finest. Though there isn't a control stick in sight. Instead, a solitary headset hangs from the roof over a single chair facing three blackened screens. I can only recognize this from being described by Reeve, when he was explaining to a group of WRO soldiers about the uses of Net Dives. Reno shoves it aside carelessly in search for the one thing that doesn't exist here. I swallow hard while he curses in frustration.

"Where are the controls," he asks making a full turn around still searching for what is invisible.

"You're looking at them." I point in the direction of the swaying headset. Reno turns to face me, his eyes tracing an unseen line back to the headset, his skin paling under bruises at the thought of using it.

"I have no idea how to use that," he counters, hands up in surrender and taking a step away from the headset as if looking at it is repulsive. In a way his actions make a good point. Encountering Deep Ground on the surface was indeed pretty scary. Encountering them in their own territory would be terrifying. I'm glad there aren't any soldiers left. One of us has to pilot the Dragonfly. If Reno isn't willing to, then that leaves me. However, from what Reeve was saying, it takes one who is compatible enough with Net Dive technology to control it. The only way to do that is to run tests for years and years. At the moment, we don't have time to run tests and I have no idea whether I'm compatible at all. Nor, do I know what it will do to me in return for using it. There's always a price to pay. No exceptions.

"I'll do it," I decide with a sigh, striding over and dropping into the padded chair. My body retaliates against the impact despite a cushioning land and I stifle a wince.

"You don't know how to pilot it, either!" My superior pushes the headset out of my reach. I grimace in the dim light.

"I have to try. Isn't that enough? At least I've heard about it from Reeve briefly. That's better than nothing. At the very least, I've been able to grasp what the main concept is."

"Yeah. And they're dangerous, Canary. We still don't know how they'll affect people who haven't experienced it. I can't let you do it. Tseng will have my head!"

"You said yourself that we're not staying down here for any more surprises," I argue reaching towards him. My fellow Turk holds his ground, hard expression intact, hands clenching the headset with an iron grip just shy of my reach. The problem is that I'm just as stubborn, so our arguments go nowhere fast.

"I'm telling you. The Commander will murder me if I allow you to do this, Elena."

"What about you?" I counter, brow furrowing. "You don't think I'd be in trouble if I let you do it?"

Reno gives a dry laugh. "I'm expendable. Tseng cares more about you."

"I'm his partner, though I don't see how that makes a difference," I state batting my hand in the direction of the headset. We don't have time for this bullshit! He pulls away just as I make a grab for it. It's like he's teasing me even though I know he's not.

"The way he looks at you, Laney. Obviously he thinks of you as more than just his partner. He trusts you with his life. That's saying something."

"Surely he thinks the same of you." I feel my throat grow dry with what the red head is telling me. I'm not sure whether he's bullshitting me, or being honest. He sounds honest enough, though it is Reno. Besides, why is putting this on me? Does he want me to feel guilty for my decision? To think about Tseng even though I've convinced myself over the years that he just doesn't have an interest in me, never did? What I had was an infatuation with my boss. It led to nothing despite the one date and something really stupid my drunk self has done. It's not worth thinking about. I don't even really know it to be true.

"The Commander doesn't work with us as often. Not since you came to the company."

"What does that matter? We still need to get out of here," I point out, standing from the seat and snatching the headset away. We have to leave now. No more arguing over stupid shit. I place the headset over my eyes, being cast into darkness before Reno gains a chance in stealing it back. This had better work.

"Call Tseng when we get to the surface. Tell him what to expect." That's the last thing we need; us being killed on site by Rufus because we have a Dragonfly. A jolt runs through my nervous system like electricity, though just as painful, pinning me against the chair. My eye piece sputters to life showing me outside the Dragonfly on screen. I can hear Reno expel a small gasp of disbelief at what may be on the larger screens. I take a moment to adjust, moving my head in directions where I'm free to look around at my surroundings. Everything feels so real, as if I'm not looking through a window at all. Green letters drag slowly across the screen with further instructions. _Net Dive Ready…_

_Here goes nothing._ My hands grip the armrests with anticipation while I take a deep breath. This is it. This is what gets us out of Deep Ground.

"Commencing Net Dive in four, three, two, one…" I read across, not fully prepared for a second jolt stronger than the first that has me clenching my teeth in order to control an agonizing shot. I can practically feel my consciousness merging with the Dragonfly. A series of dials and gauges for fuel and whatnot making themselves known despite not showing up for me to see. I know they're there and how much fuel will last us, just as I know my car has gas and Christmas comes every year. It's not a fact that has to be shown, still making a strong imprint on my subconscious. My surroundings becoming even clearer, eyes focusing better now that the merge is successful. I can see farther with help from the Dragonfly, pinpoint specific locations with more ease than I ever could in the chopper. Even lock on multiple targets. A hand squeezes my shoulder reminding me of the other Turk's presence. The trick now is getting the bird to fly. Maybe he is right.

"All right, Canary. Fly us home." His voice is low against my ear and I can't help but give a slight smile. Propellers turn at my will, lifting the Dragonfly into the air at eye level with the Shin-Ra logo on the face of Reactor Zero, now consumed by flames from the inside licking its surface.

His chosen nickname seems to suit me after all.

XxXxX

I throw back a pain pill, chasing it down with a few swallows of water before returning to what's on my computer screen. It only feels like a few days have passed since Reno and I made it out of Deep Ground. I don't remember much past making it to the surface, vaguely recalling Reno talking with Tseng over the phone, the rough landing atop our office building, some faraway banging sound, as if against a metal door, and being lifted by someone. Other than that I can't remember anything else. According to Rude, I've been in the hospital for nearly two weeks until being discharged yesterday. It bothers me how there's a gap in my life missing. Two weeks that can't be replaced. It's almost as if the events are locked away for a reason. Something my mind doesn't want to remember from it being too traumatizing. It also bothers me that no one is sharing, not even Reno. If I go and try to ask Rude again, or Reno; they won't tell me. Have they been ordered not to say anything? This is very frustrating. I want some answers! I frown at the document, not liking how there's holes in explanations where there shouldn't be. My memory has never been faulty. Why should it start now? A sigh escapes me as I decide to turn in the incomplete piece, directing my mouse to click _'print'_ from the file menu. I can't help if my report has no ending because I can't remember details.

"You ready?" Reno's voice drifts from the doorway, a subtle knock accompanying him just as my last page is printing. At least Rufus gave enough thought to wait until I was out of the hospital to have this meeting. I wouldn't know what to do without Reno to fill the gaps for me.

"Yes… No," I say under my breath with a hint of agitation. My eyes wander over to my fellow Turk, who appears slightly troubled by my response. "My report's incomplete," I conclude.

"Only what you can't remember. I doubt the Commander and boss man will reprimand you for it. I've filled in the blanks, so don't sweat it."

"That's just it, Reno! I can't remember! I should be able to by now, but I can't and I have no idea why!" I grab the loose papers from where they lay cooling, stapling them together and meet him at the doorway. We head for the elevator down the nearly blinding white marble hall from our offices on the Turk floor. My door is the only one of the many cherry wood doors which remains open. Ever since coming back from Deep Ground, I prefer to leave it that way, giving the illusion that my office space is larger than it really is. There's just something about small dark spaces that doesn't sit well with me anymore. I press the up call button to our floor, standing in silence with my superior for a few seconds before not saying anything becomes awkward.

"You think the Dragonfly's responsible," he asks stepping into what I think now as a cage of confinement, his finger hitting the button which leads to our superior's office. My grip tightens, crunching the edges. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it. Then again, if that's the price I have to pay for performing a Net Dive, I guess I should consider myself lucky, right? We both know it could have been worse."

"It almost was…" Reno mutters, drawing my closer attention.

"What?"

"Nothing, Canary." He brushes it off easily enough, fingers running through layered hair and down through his ponytail. What is he not telling me?! I glare at him, trying to will him into saying what I've been missing out on, but it doesn't work. He sighs when the elevator bell rings. "Let's get this over with."

Naturally, he strides ahead, pushing open Rufus' dark wood office door and leaving me to close it when I enter. I roll my eyes at his laziness. Some things never change. Tseng turns in his seat upon our entry, wearing a slightly concerned expression. I try not to look at his charcoal eyes, instead directing my focus on the other male in the room with deep sapphire blue eyes that feel even more foreboding than my Commander's. They had stopped their previous conversation when Reno opens the door. All attention now focusing on me since Reno has already taken a seat next to Tseng in one of four white leather chairs placed in front of Rufus' desk. I hate the feeling of being put on the spot. This always happens, especially when meeting with our superior. He's so intimidating. I still have a hard time getting used to working for him. I feel as if I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. My partner's voice breaks the awkward silence hanging in the room.

"You've returned."

"I was discharged yesterday afternoon. I came in early to work on my report," I answer placing my stack of papers in Tseng's outstretched hand. I bite my bottom lip waiting for the disappointment that I know is coming because it's incomplete. Rufus is watching me while I shift on my feet, fingers twisting themselves into knots, not sure of what else to do.

"You don't have to remain standing, Elena," Rufus states with mild amusement. A small smirk plays on his face while he leans back against his chair, a pen raised to his lips and eyes still focusing on me. I really wish he would stop making me feel as if I'm calling attention to myself. I take the seat to Tseng's right, only becoming aware that I've just locked myself in a prison where I'm facing our president directly. I swallow hard, watching from the corner of my eye as my partner flips through pages, skipping bits here and there to the last page where it ends abruptly. He frowns at my half page, turning over the paper to glance at the back, then again to the last paragraph.

"Your report is inconclusive," he comments with a hint of dissatisfaction.

"I know…" My tone drops with the shame I feel for not being able to perform with high results this time around. Rufus leans forward across his desk, taking my report from my Commander for closer inspection. Reno also sets his copy at the edge of the glass table top for our superior to read. I hate how much I have missed. It makes me sound like a rookie all over again.

"Elena, this is unlike you. Is there a reason for your vagueness determining this mission? To be frank, I'm slightly disappointed." I swallow hard knowing that is one of the worst things Rufus Shin-Ra could say. Slightly disappointed means I better have an explanation in the next five seconds. I have no idea where to begin, all three men are watching me and waiting for an answer.

"There is, Sir." Reno breaks the silence, saving me from further scrutiny and catching both Rufus and Tseng off guard. Our superior wears a slightly interested expression, whereas Tseng has one that shows his concern.

"Is that so? By all means, please elaborate. I would like to hear Elena's explanation as well."

"All the details are in my report, Sir. Elena is unable to describe them due to certain circumstances," he explains, his light blue eyes still concentrated on me as if saying _"See. I told you I wouldn't let you fall."_

"You say 'unable' as if determining a handicap," my partner states with a stern expression. Rufus slides Reno's report closer in search of those missing details.

"Your report states that Elena performed a Net Dive, despite strong opposition. From my understanding, we know very little about Net Dives. Reeve has taken to researching their functions and how they affect the human body. So far, his results remain inconclusive seeing at it takes years upon years of training. So why risk it, Elena?"

My jaw clenches, breathing becoming more difficult from pain that is starting to ebb through the magic of medication. Again, I'm unsure of where to start even though I have the answer.

"Reno and I got into an argument about it. Zero was in meltdown, our helicopter, compromised. We've had no communication with Tseng since we landed. We were left with two choices; get out of Deep Ground and risk our lives in the process, or die with the reactor. I've listened to Reeve explain Net Dives to a few WRO soldiers in the past, so I was aware of the danger but I was still willing to take the chance at getting us out alive. Reno was doing his job in demanding that I not perform the Dive, but everything came down to choosing the lesser of two evils. A Net Dive with unknown consequences versus dying of Mako poisoning." The room is dead silent when I finish speaking, all three sets of eyes still concentrated on me. Reno attempts to hide his expression of triumph that it had actually worked. Tseng looks even more displeased that I had even done it, and Rufus appearing intrigued that I'm still here despite what danger I placed myself in. He nods, understanding that the situation was dire, accepting my explanation even though he's not pleased with it.

"Tseng mentioned losing contact with you. I suppose in that situation it would have been better for you to escape with your lives and make rash decisions in doing so, despite what the consequences are. However, that doesn't explain your report."

"Actually… it might," I hesitate, glancing at both Tseng and Reno. They know more than I do about what happened during my memory's vacation.

"I called the Commander, just as Elena suggested, ensuring that we wouldn't be attacked when landing the Dragonfly. You know the rest. You were there," he directs at my partner who gives a grave nod. I take it what happened then is something he rather not remembers.

"Anyway, the Commander and I had to remain cautious in moving Elena since her consciousness was still connected to the Dragonfly, and overriding the system your old man designed proved to be more challenging. We couldn't just remove her from the cockpit. The slightest mistake would have killed her, so Tseng and I were forced to aid her while Elena remained in the pilot's seat. It didn't want to let her go, so I inserted a virus to the helicopter's mainframe. It did its job but left our favourite female Turk in a delicate condition. From what Elena has told me this morning, we have reason to believe that the Dragonfly, in exchange for using the Net Dive, has either erased or locked away memories. It explains why her report isn't complete."

"I… can remember most of my life and a majority of the mission, but everything that Reno has just said I can't remember happening. Let alone how long I was in the hospital." Tseng watches me carefully as if wanting to comfort me about the lost memories and chew me out for doing the Net Dive. I'll take all he throws at me later. Rufus waits another few seconds for any response before speaking.

"We'll investigate further into the cause of Zero's meltdown, and what it may mean for the company. Also, Elena I will let you off with a warning for disobeying direct orders from a superior, considering your circumstances in Deep Ground. However, that doesn't let you off the hook completely. Try to recall every detail you can about the mission over the next few weeks and report to me. The move you made in Deep Ground determining your escape despite limitations forced in your path, I find rather impressive. That was not an easy choice to make and I doubt most people would have dared an attempt to control something that stands as a testament of fear in the eyes of so many. You were right in contacting Tseng to warn him that your original vehicle was not to be expected. For all we know, I may have ordered an attack on the areal with no notion that you two would be inside, had you not made that call."

I allow the words of praise mixed with those reprimanding me sink in while Tseng places his hand on my shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. When he pulls away, I too, stand and begin following them through the door, then stop. There's something still bothering me that Reno hasn't mentioned. I decide to hang back, closing the door quietly and taking a few steps up to Rufus' desk. I don't want my imagination to be getting the better of me and risk jumping to conclusions. I'm in enough trouble as it is. The Shin-Ra president reads through both reports, though I know he's aware that I'm still in the room. He doesn't miss anything that goes on around him.

_It's just a concern_, I assure myself. Or, try to. My superior makes it obvious he knows I'm still there.

"Yes, Elena?" His tone is cool, sapphire eyes looking up from his work to meet mine across the room. I hesitate for a second. Why does he make me so nervous? And yet, why do I want to be around him despite his seemingly careless attitude? I can't seem to understand anything anymore. Nothing makes sense! I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear, the movement causing a brief shot of agony through my body.

"Does Reno mention what was on the scanner while we were inside the reactor," I ask, forcing my eyes to look anywhere except at Rufus, who gives me a slightly quizzical expression, flipping through various pages, eyes settling on a paragraph.

"He mentions the reading before entry, writing it off as a malfunction. There's no further information concerning the scanner. Is there something that isn't here?"

I take a deep breath, daring myself to lock eyes with him. Why would Reno not put this important piece of information in his report? Was he not paying attention?

"I did another scan through the reactor to make sure we were truly alone and that the past readings were malfunctions just as Reno had suggested they were. But I detected something while he was transferring files. He might not have heard me when I warned him that something was on to us. They didn't attack us directly. However, bombs that are placed inside a reactor don't detonate themselves without being disturbed. We hadn't seen any on our way in to raise alarm, nor did we set them off. It would have been impossible for us since the detonation began a few chambers away from our location. the security system was only able to distinguish it as a meltdown. I'm not entirely sure that Reno had been correct about the malfunction because the reading of another life form remained solid for more than a few seconds." Rufus remains silent, leaning against laced fingers, elbows resting on the glass surface in concentration. He's thinking about something that has to do with this. That I am sure of.

"It was a concern," I point out, receiving a slight nod of the head, his eyes looking elsewhere. He obviously has other things on his mind as well.

"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind when Tseng decides on further investigation. You are excused," he says finally, allowing me to relax a bit now that I've said what I needed to. Rufus goes back to reading while I let myself out silently, door closing behind me as I head toward the elevator with a new destination in mind other than my office. Reno's explanation for what happened to me while landing the Dragonfly makes sense, but I have to see what happened for myself, in order to believe it. An answer from someone else about what happened doesn't help if I can't remember anything. I press the up button on the panel, waiting for elevator doors to open, then hit a button at the very top marked with an '_R_'.


	2. All in Retrospect

_**Here's Chapter 2! I told you it was coming, didn't I? Well now you don't have to wait any more and I can continue with all the little multiplying plot bunnies that are destined to take over the world of my mind. Like I mentioned, the next few chapter will be re edited and moved down. I'll get to them as soon as I can. Please leave reviews and let me know how you like these new installments. :)**_

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><p>Chapter II: All in Retrospect<p>

I lean against the cool marble wall near the metal door marked as a Fire Exit with bright red lettering across it in bold print, psyching myself up for what's beyond. In many ways I prefer words from someone else's mouth to the truth I have to see myself. This however, is not one of those times. I need to know, by my own memory, what happened in the Dragonfly. Not based on what Reno says occurred. I hug my ribs, a wince surfacing as response to the careless movement. I haven't taken another dose of medication for a while. _How long have I been up here?_ My eyes find comfort in watching the blank ceiling. Subconsciously, yet consciously I think of all possible patterns there before some other half demands enough. It demands that I get this over with. Uncomfortable feelings concerning what I may find in the cockpit holds me back from forcing the roof door open and just blindly striding out to the piece of otherworldly terror. Despite my being compatible with Net Dives, it was Rufus who pointed out how brave I was to actually _do _something. I let out a sigh, hands resting on the push bar and close my eyes.

_This isn't a scary movie. This is reality. There will be no clowns or other creepy things on the other side. _Trying to convince myself may as well be useless, since while working with Shin-Ra I've been exposed to some of the creepiest stuff that could never be matched in movies. Swallowing my fear, I make the jump, opening the door wide to face my foe. It sits unperturbed and beaten from landing. Rain coming down hard, the sound of it matching more along the lines of showering bullets than water. I step out into it, daggers penetrating through my suit with ease. Instantly I'm soaked, my skin underneath and creating a chill that reaches my bones while I tread across the dark pavement. A strip of red tape with the company logo decorating it stands as a barrier between me and the helicopter. I trail my wet sleeve across my face, brushing rain out of my eyes, shivering and glaring. I want those memories back. I want to know what the hell happened during those two weeks that Reno, Rude and Tseng all refuse to tell me. Having everything just being told to me isn't enough. Perhaps it never will be after this point.

"Fancy seeing you here," I scoff. As if the Dragonfly could answer me. Not in a million years, but I still dislike it for taking what was mine. Water pattering overhead creates a somewhat more soothing effect as I step in to a dry chill past the barrier I lifted. My eyes focus to the still dimly lit cockpit by blue bulbs emitting from below and around edges and on the floor. The door has become a heap of twisted metal in complex patterns indicating a fight to enter from the outside. I swallow hard thinking back on the memory of pounding. Could Reno not have been able to open it from the inside? Already I do not like my decision in coming here. Wires hang down, stripped and live from their casings. They litter the floor along with other random pieces from wherever. Bits of glass here and there leave a trail for my eyes to follow back to their respective owner being the large screens. I stop, daring not to step any closer at the sight of caked blood covering the seat and headset hanging down from frayed cables. It too, is coated in the same dark plasma. _That can't possibly be mine._ I'm stuck in a world of denial and disbelief of what I'm seeing. To catch myself, I lean against the nearest wall feeling more scared about knowing where the truth lies in every direction. The only thing I can think of to do against these horrors is cover my eyes to hide them. I take a few deep breaths, seeing if that would help in better preparing me for this. However, when I uncover them again, I'm not so sure I still want to know.

"I thought I would find you here," my partner's steady voice calls through the thick sheet of rain outside. My attention is drawn to where he stands under an umbrella, just inside the tape.

"Not too surprising," I say in return, he steps into the helicopter and lowering his umbrella outside. He closes it, shaking the waterproof material dry. I bite my bottom lip, eyes scanning back over the disaster zone that was once so easy to navigate. My partner's destroying the wall that left me alone with my lost memories in the Dragonfly and it's making me uncomfortable. I'm still upset that he won't tell me much of anything at all.

"I want my memories back," I whisper in the eerie silence of the cockpit. I dare to meet charcoal eyes for a second that tell me everything he's feeling because he lets me see. There's an internal torment, concern, anger and respect. It's hardly enough to translate as a single emotion, yet too much to bear for one person alone. I can't begin to fathom how he does it.

"Is that a sincere statement?" he asks, daring to take me on in an argument. I can't bring myself to answer.

"I've talked with Rufus about wanting you to try and remember. After hearing about the condition I found you in with more detail, he withdraws the request, saying it's probably better you don't."

"Why is everyone being so protective? I have a right to know, don't I? I'm not a child, Tseng! I can handle the truth," I state in a bitter tone, still fed up with my fellow Turks pussyfooting around me, and now the president is doing it, too! I've had enough of this! I want to know the truth even though I'm afraid of it. That should make some sense, right? He gives a sigh, glancing at the floor before meeting my eyes again.

"Look, Elena. It's not that I don't agree with you about any of this. You might not be prepared enough for it. I don't want the truth to hurt you more than a lie if you found out on your own. The things Reno and I saw happen, you may think that you're prepared to hear, but we know that you're not."

The scary part is that this is my Commander and partner being honest. He's so good at fabricating stories off the top of his head, which anyone would find hard _not _to believe. Now that he's said this, I'm a little more afraid of what exactly, the truth is. Though, my need to know is still fighting rationality to let it go.

"Could you… do me the decency of at least telling me a little of what happened?" I ask in a subdued tone. His charcoal eyes meet mine with mild pleading that he not be forced to revisit those memories. But he nods all the same.

"If that's what you want," he says with a sigh.

"Reno was trying to wake you by the time I was able to open the door. He had already mopped up blood covering your face once, I could tell from the stains on his jacket sleeve, but there was no end to it. He said that you had been unconscious for most of the flight back from Deep Ground. It had him worried since the Dragonfly was still being piloted somehow. When I tried removing the headset, Reno warned against it. He was saying that it was too dangerous for me to free you of its confines since you weren't entirely _there._ The only thing I could do was wait. So I did. I kept an eye on you while he worked on a program to override the Dragonfly's systems. He told me that the longer you remained in Net Dive, the more the Dragonfly would eat away at you, and eventually you would have died. We were forced to work quickly. However, the slightest wrong move would have advanced the progression rate at which the helicopter was killing you. Neither of us knew whether the virus would work, so we were taking our chances."

I can only stare at my feet after he finishes all that he's going to tell me. He was right. It is a lot to take in. I feel like I should be the one giving him the hug instead of the one receiving protection from what happened. Though, I doubt he would take it well. I try my luck anyway, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head against his chest. His heart beats with a steady rhythm in my ear, body stiffening from my unwarranted closeness.

"I'm sorry, Tseng," I whisper feeling the tension in him loosen now that he's aware I have no intention of letting go. He returns the hug with more gentleness, his arms wrapping around my shoulders.

"You shouldn't be doing this, Elena," my partner warns with a stern tone.

"I know… I just thought you could use a hug…" I respond, my voice muffled against the fabric of his suit. Tseng lets out a soft sigh. "Fair enough." He gives me a squeeze.

"You did what you had to. I would prefer that you had escaped a different way than performing a Net Dive, but no one is going to blame you for surviving." He unwraps his arms from around me and I do the same, watching as he takes a minute to straighten his suit and tie, then pops open his umbrella just outside the doorway. Charcoal eyes watch me as I hold myself, still desperate for my freezing skin to encase that loss of warmth.

"Why not come inside and get some lunch? It would be better than staying out here," he coaxes, causing me to glance up from my own little world. With a nod I join him under the umbrella as we head back to the Fire Escape.

"Tseng?" I ask a hint of blush heating cold skin.

"Hm?" he returns.

"Thanks for telling me the truth. And, you're right. Maybe I'm not as prepared as I think I am to hear it all just yet. I really appreciate it," I say in a quiet tone.

"You deserve nothing less," he comments opening the steel door, allowing me to enter first before he does.

The two of us break to different directions when we reach our floor. Tseng heads for his office, while I head for the lounge where Reno and Rude can be heard conversing from the hall. Their conversation stops when I enter, both sets of eyes instantly finding a new focus on my appearance in a wet suit and hair. I decide to make a beeline for the coffee machine in order to avoid their awkward glances.

"So, Elena… Why are you all wet?" Reno asks with a smirk, while his partner shakes his head knowing this isn't going to end well.

"I was outside," I admit easily enough, pouring a coffee mug full of French Vanilla deliciousness.

"With Tseng?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"The roof." Reno shuts up after that. Yes! Score one for me! I knew I would get back at him sometime. He turns to Rude instead, ignoring my presence in the room.

"Hey, Rude." The other Turk grunts in response, taking a sip from his coffee cup.

"You wanna hear a story about how Elena's afraid of heights?"

"I am not!" I object, feeling my skin heat up again. My victory has been short lived even though I want it to last longer. Goddam Reno and his goddam scheming!

"Not according to what happened in the reactor," he says with a smug grin that makes me want to dump my coffee over his head. I abstain seeing no point in wasting it.

"So anyway, Elena was clinging to the railing for dear life-"

"Shut up, Reno." I roll my eyes, carrying the steaming cup from the lounge as I head towards my office. It looks like I'll have to get lunch later this afternoon, or just skip it all together. I decide that getting some filing done would be more productive. It's a good distraction since Tseng needs it done before the end of the week anyway. Besides, I get some time away from Reno and his constant need to poke fun at me.

XxXxX

The days ebb by uneventful and for once I'm glad that there isn't as much madness going on in the company. However, contrary to my superior's retraction of his assignment for me, I decide to keep a journal in order to jot down any particular memory that comes to mind. So far, all there is in the little moleskin notebook I keep with me all the time, are words, fragments that I can only deem as a close connection to the Dragonfly. Or, as close as it'll get. It takes a little more effort out of me every day to get my mind to cooperate. But at least I have something to do in the morning while sitting with my cup of coffee.

So far, I can vaguely remember the pounding on the door which Tseng has described as himself trying to get in and Reno calling for him to hurry up, but warning him against moving me.

"_Don't touch her! Gods, I don't know where all this blood is coming from…" _

I write the quote down as quickly as it comes to mind. It must be something Reno has said. Though, I do remember trying to move and not being very successful. Along with the feeling of fingers against my forearm and sticky hair being brushed out of my face. The memories decide on ending there for the time being. I'm quickly snapped out of my current objective, a knock at my office calling my attention to Tseng standing in the threshold. I snap my journal closed at attention for what he may need of me.

"Rufus is ready for us," he says, waiting for me while I take up the tiny book to cradle in my arm as if it's my most prized possession. I receive a quizzical expression in response.

"It's for Rufus. I feel the need to keep a journal in case any random memories come to mind. It's the least I can do." Tseng nods, being respectful of my decision to continue on with my assignment.

When the elevator dings open at the top floor, he leads the way to our superior's office. The familiar vibes of tension tug, calling my Turk instincts into action, despite there being no danger. I wonder what this meeting is about. Surely I haven't done anything lately to call attention to myself in an unsatisfactory way. I hope.

"You… wanted to meet with me, Sir?" I ask upon entering, setting my journal beside me in the seat I choose. The president of Shin-Ra glances at me, then at my partner. Now this has me confused. _What's going on?_

"Actually, no. It was Tseng who called this meeting between us. Not I. Though, I am curious to know the reasons for calling such a meeting in session Without our other Turks, no less." He laces his fingers in his lap and crosses his legs, turning his attention in the direction of the raven haired Turk Commander.

_I don't understand. _This only has me even more confused by the second.

"Tseng," I ask a bit troubled about holding such a meeting without our companions. He must have a _very _good reason for this meeting to be so private. Especially since Rufus and I seem to be thinking on the same wavelength.

"I have reason to believe that the president should go underground for a while," he states with an uncomfortably steady tone. I'm so taken aback that my body feels frozen to my seat. I can practically feel the color drain from my skin even more than it already is. _Rufus has to go underground?! _My eyes wander over to see how our boss is taking this information, though he appears to be taking this a lot better than I have expected.

"Elena, you were concerned with what Reno has missed, and you have every right to be. I dug through files of Reactor Zero's activity, which have brought up troubling conclusions. Someone has been waiting for us to enter the reactor. It could possibly be you, or the president who they're after, however I have yet to determine which it is."

The pit of my stomach feels like it has just exited the building, leaving me with a feeling of constriction. I can sense that this is just the tip of the iceberg. There's more, isn't there?

"They could have been waiting for any of us," I choke out meeting Tseng's gaze. He _knows _this is true, yet he seems certain that Rufus and I are the ones being sought after, or mainly Rufus.

"What makes you so sure, Tseng," the president asks. He's always the one brave enough to voice his opinion about everything. I envy him for having that confidence.

"You were pretty out of it in the hospital. However the brain is a powerful tool and you told me that you believed that the President might be in danger while in your weakened state. The subconscious _never _lies." I force myself to swallow, wanting so badly to divert my attention on something else like the patterns in the rug, if there are any. I'm sure I can find some.

"I shouldn't be forced to go into hiding. We aren't even sure that there's even a threat to concern ourselves with," Rufus points out with a slightly agitated tone. I want to agree with him. Really, I do. But my partner is also pushing a valid argument.

"Think about it, Sir," I try to convince our superior in a steady tone despite my feeling extremely unstable.

"If I had said that, which Tseng has no reason to lie. If he's right about this, someone could easily assassinate you on the street or somewhere you think is safe."

_I hate choosing sides! I hate choosing sides! I hate choosing sides! _

"You think I would allow that to happen?" Rufus asks me, his already deep blue eyes taking on a darker shade in challenge. I should know better than trying my chances against him. If I'm wrong, then I am so dead.

"You might not see it coming. Reno and I just barely made it out alive. If someone is truly after you, Sir, you need all the protection you can get." I went there. I frikkin _went _there! Oh, I'm going to get myself killed someday. Accepting a challenge from Rufus Shin-Ra is about as safe as taking on Azul.

"You're to go underground as well, Elena."

"_What?!_" Rufus and I ask in unison, my tone showing how much more shocked I am at the prospect than he is. I can't guard Rufus! Reno and Rude have far more experience than I do! This is madness! Has everyone in Shin-Ra lost their mind?!

"W-why me, Sir? Wouldn't it be wiser to choose Reno or Rude?"

"Sit down," Tseng commands and I sit, not noticing that I have stood up in the first place. He lets out a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment before continuing.

"I admit, it was a hard decision for me to make since you're still recovering. However, Reno and Rude are easily recognizable and I'll be needed here so the company doesn't completely fall to pieces with both of you absent. It is true that you've only been with Shin-Ra for the better part of three years, which gives more reason for you to do this. I'll admit that you're pretty and it shouldn't be hard for you and Rufus to blend in with a crowd. It's what he needs. Not to mention you've proven that you have a strong will to live. Therefore, I think you're the most adequate of us to go with him," Tseng explains, leaving no room for a further argument. I give a sigh in defeat, feeling both men's gazes wait for an answer. _Am I sure I can do this? I don't know. I'll have to no matter what._

"All right. When should we leave?"

"Soon. I've fabricated a report so that no one knows of your absence. Reno and Rude won't notice until you've been gone a while, perhaps sooner. They're very perceptive, and I've taken all means necessary to make sure you remain invisible to everyone. Which includes myself. I'm not to know where you are, even if something happens and you contact me. Is that clear?"

I nod, sneaking a glance at Rufus from the corner of my eye. He clearly doesn't approve with the arrangements Tseng has made without his knowledge.

"Would you be willing to agree with this, Sir," Tseng asks our superior who doesn't detain from showing how much he disapproves, but gives a curt nod anyway.

"I suppose there is no choice in the matter. I'll have to abide by your instructions, even if I don't agree."

"Sir. Hopefully you won't be gone for very long. It is for your protection."

"I am aware of this."

Different scenarios play out in my mind of how this could have ended very badly. In a way I'm glad that Rufus agrees, if not grudgingly, with my partner's plan. Daring to challenge Rufus like Tseng has requires a whole 'nother level of bravery than piloting the Dragonfly. I look at Tseng, hoping to find a hint of stirring that proves to me he's at least a bit troubled by his own proposal. Like Rufus, I'm not too fond of the thought about going underground. Though, what choice do we have? I stir in my seat, standing in a fluid motion which draws both sets of eyes in attention.

"I…I'll go bring my car around to the front." _Because I need a distraction. _It'll help me get away from them and focus on my new assignment as well.

Rufus nods his response, giving me a silent excuse while he gathers papers atop his desk into neat stacks.

XxXxX

While listening to my engine hum quietly, I lean back against the driver's seat with my eyes closed and waiting for my boss. He said he would be down in about half an hour, which gave me enough time to shower quickly and change out of my uniform into something more comfortable. I choose a sweatshirt over a white tee shirt and a pair of jeans. Hey, if Tseng is serious, it's better not to be wearing my work clothes. My ribs ache, the medication has run out this morning and I don't get a refill. Great. This leaves me face to face with the reality that both of us are in danger since I'm not up to par. Rufus opens the passenger door just as I'm about to call Tseng. I put my phone away, pulling out from along the sidewalk while he puts his seatbelt on. Everything seems fine so far, there's no sign of anyone trying to track us. That doesn't give me an excuse to let my guard down, though. It's better not to even think about it. My hands grip the steering wheel in nervousness, when I remind myself to relax by taking a deep breath. It's possible that nothing will happen. It's possible that we will be fine. My boss leans back against the black leather seat, arm propped against the window. It's bad enough he makes me nervous when he speaks. When he doesn't speak, I'm terrified of what may be going through his mind. I need a topic to break the ice.

"Tseng said that you've taken back the request for me to remember all that I can about the incident," I mutter pulling onto an on ramp, heading towards the highway.

"You are correct."

"Why? I don't need more people keeping the truth from me."

"Tseng's intention wasn't to hurt you when he requested that I draw back on my orders, understand? He thought that if we were to tell you after you have discovered the truth on your own, you would be even more traumatized. After all, some things are better left forgotten," he says dropping his tone. He shifts in his seat, when I break to the car in front of me. I glance out my window to the long line ahead with realization that we've just hit rush hour traffic. This may take some time.

"I've decided to keep a journal anyway. You can look at it if you want. If no one's going to tell me much of anything, don't you think I would be worse off not knowing? I'm missing two weeks of my life that contained memories _I _may find important. However, I'm starting to remember little bits and pieces. Parts of dialogue; an action or two. But I know it's going to take a while." Cars inch up the road. My hands now resting in my lap, foot lightly on the gas. I reach in the back seat for my journal passing it to him who opens it and examines the contents.

"You do realize that you might not get all of them back, right?" he asks, flipping a page with the utmost delicacy.

"And I'm okay with that," I respond feeling comfortable with my answer. It's the best I've been feeling since Reno and I have come back. This little sense of comfort is really appealing during all this depression. "As long as I get answers I need, I'm fine with leaving everything else forgotten."

I lean on the steering wheel careful not to place my full weight on the horn, which would drive people in cars ahead to road rage. At least I'm managing a conversation with Rufus. I would have been too afraid even trying if this same situation happen a few years ago.

"You intrigue me, Elena." I peek above my arm at him, sapphire eyes containing a hint of amusement.

"Sir?" I ask, voice muffled by my sweatshirt in confusion of what he finds so intriguing about me.

"You take your work seriously and most times produce remarkable results. You're not afraid to take chances despite the possibility of failure being greater than the odds of survival. Yet, you're easily flustered and bothered by Reno's meaningless jokes. Why do you let them bother you so much?" he asks with genuine interest.

_This is new. Rufus has never asked personal questions of the like before_. I shrug in response.

"I guess a lot of what he says is hard to just brush off, since so much of it leans fairly close to my personal life. Like my fear of heights when we were in reactor Zero. We were walking through chamber after chamber over Mako on rusted grating. I didn't think it would hold and was terrified of falling in." He nods in agreement. I catch his eye dart my way for just a second before going back to concentrate on my journal in his hands. I blush in spite of myself, aware of the possibility that he has already given me the once over since I'm not in uniform.

Traffic picks up some allowing my car a few feet forward before coming to a halt once again. I sigh hating that we're getting nowhere fast. My eyes roll in frustration and glance at the empty lane to my left. Should I risk going into the lane meant for oncoming traffic since no one has been going down it for some time? Sure! Why the hell not? At least we'll be getting somewhere. I switch the turn signal, pulling carefully into the empty lane and giving my superior a heads up before speeding down the highway past the endless line of cars. A few hundred yards down the line, traffic seems to have picked up, so I pass back to our original lane.

_Well, that was annoying_. A loud noise hitting my car has me breaking hard. _What the…?_ I don't want to get out checking it, yet at the same time I do.

"What was that?" I ask, turning to Rufus who's wearing a troubled expression.

"I'm not sure. It sounded like a gun shot."

As if to clarify, another loud bang hits my car at the same moment I hit the gas.

"Yeah? Well we're not staying to find out."

Another few rounds are fired, bouncing off my fender, though I can't quite tell where they're coming from. I take an off ramp to a different section of the highway, adrenalin running through my veins like wildfire.

"My gun is in the glove box," I tell Rufus, who pops it open at once and passes the semi-auto to me while reaching for his own. I set my gun in my lap, safety still intact while I snare a glance through the review mirror. Two motorcycles trail us at a reasonable distance behind. Rufus has picked up on them as well, opening his window and firing at our pursuers. The back windshield cracks eventually collapsing in on itself from being hit by countless bullets. One stray catches my cheek hitting the front with a satisfying crunch. It only results in making me that much more annoyed. Another sharp pain of a second bullet going through my arm tries to distract me when I pull my boss inside to save him from being hit. I ignore the searing fire that's spreading quickly even though it's proving extremely difficult against everything going on around me. Rufus is now using the back of my passenger seat as a shield and returning fire through the broken window. I shake my head to stop my vision from blurring, willing myself to keep driving. I've been in worse situations than this, I remind myself. Instinctively, I wipe at the wound on my cheek annoyed with the feeling of liquid dripping down it and smear ruby across my skin. It covers the palm of my hand and steering wheel when I take hold of it again.

"Are you alright," he asks reloading his gun, ready to take on the world. With how many bullets his shotgun could hold, I wouldn't be surprised if he can succeed in doing so. I nod against the dizzy feeling. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

"Good. I can't have you passing out on me yet."

_I can't promise that. The wound in your arm is pretty nasty. _I ignore the sting in my arm. _Gods that hurts! What did they shoot me with, a needle?!_ I switch lanes on a dime to try and throw off whoever's behind us, catching the sight of one motorcycle crashing into the guard rail through my review mirror. The other still hangs tight to my bumper, giving me the only option of shooting at it from my window and using the side mirror as a guide, then break hard. The Shin-Ra president steadies himself at the same time our pursuer races past my car. I climb out, making a few more shots through the open window, door of my car being my shield. The motorcycle stops for a second to make a sharp U turn back in our direction. I squint against fatigue, making more blind shots through my blurred vision and hoping I hit what I'm aiming for. He's thrown off his bike, leaving it to roam without an owner before crashing. I heave a sigh, lying against my door. Soreness dares to consume every muscle in my body. I drop my gun, the weight of it suddenly too heavy. Is it just me, or is it really burning up for an overcast day? Everything hurts. My vision is giving out just as I feel my grip on the door slipping, though I feel no ground when I fall. Has Rufus caught me? It's warm. There's going to be more people after us. For that I am sure, but I may just have to sit this one out unfortunately.


	3. To Survive Means To Live

**_A/N: Alright, guys. So here's chapter three that I have finally gotten around to retyping up and posting. As you know, I had to make some minor changes, but all that is fine now. Yay! Remember! Reviews are always appreciated!_**

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><p>Chapter III: To Survive Means To Live<p>

I feel my senses slowly come back to me, a groan escaping my lips as I come to. _Let's see… the last thing I remember is…_ I concentrate my thoughts on one particular thing at a time while there's a nagging sensation of something constantly tapping away at my cheek. _What time is it? Who was I last with…? Where am I?_ I try to make my own sense of things while the tapping continues. Then I remember as if an epiphany has hit me with all the information I need. _I'm with Rufus Shin-Ra. In my car. Alive._ Which means it must not have been long since I was out. And considering the only person who was with me before was my superior, means it must be him trying to bring me back to life. My eyes flutter open slightly to take in what I can of my surroundings. His voice is steady, as if nothing has happened at all. It's as if we haven't been chased for the last few miles on the extensive highway that stretches through the wastelands.

"You've been out for nearly two hours and you almost died on me, Elena," he says, voice coming from my left meaning that he must be driving now. I force myself to sit up some in order to get my bearings back. It doesn't work out when I'm pushed against the seat again. My eyes focus enough to take in my boss sitting in the driver's seat, his blazer is discarded to somewhere in the back. His sleeves are rolled up and stained red with blood along his forearms and hands from the steering wheel. Though, where the rest came from, I'm not quite so sure I want to know. He looks in my direction from the corner of his eye, a smirk playing on his lips for a split second. For that second, I falter. I tell myself that this couldn't be the same Rufus Shin-Ra who is always obsessed with how perfect his appearance must be. Oh, no! Rufus would never allow his hands to become bloodstained. Much less, his clothing. This version of Rufus, who is occupying the driver's seat, is one I don't know. Not at the moment, at least.

I make to attempt at sitting up a second time to get a better view of our whereabouts on the road. His hand stops me and forces me against the seat again not to open any more unhealed wounds.

"Rest, Elena. You're nowhere near being recovered enough to defend yourself," he states with a steady tone. I know better though. That collectiveness he holds very dear is slowly bleeding from the edges of a darkening scowl, showing how he truly feels more and more as I watch him glance through the review mirror. At that, I take a moment to look over myself. My sweater is gone, and my white tee shirt is stained with blood all down the front. The bottom half has been ripped from the rest in order to create a makeshift bandage around my arm. Several other bandages which have been wrapped around my ribs to protect deep gashes from I don't remember what, are now exposed. Which of, have also bled through from some other unknown injury. I feel for my cheek. Crusted blood meets my fingertips in formation of protecting the wound. Connections as to our situation are now starting to pop up in my brain and make sense. I take a look back towards Rufus, arms stained red. _That isn't his own blood. It can't be. Which means…_

"Is… that my blood, Sir," I ask in a wavering voice. Sapphire eyes turn in my direction for a moment, then back to the road.

"Now is hardly the time for formalities. Don't you think," he asks. A stern expression is set on his face, as if etched in stone. _Oh, gods. We're still being chased, aren't we?_ My suspicions are made relevant when he takes another glance in the review, an even darker scowl finding its way into his expression. I'm not even sure how he can see anything through the cracked windshield in front of him. That alone concludes a lot has happened since I have been out.

"We're out of bullets, the gas is starting to run low and the car feels like it's about ready to explode with us in it. Our pursuers haven't let up yet, either. Any ideas," he asks me, loose strands of blond hair falling in his face. He subconsciously brushes them back despite painting his hair red with the still wet blood on his hands. I swallow hard. _Who are they? How'd they manage to find us, and why are they so keen on wanting us, if not Rufus, dead?_ On top of that, it's never a good sign when someone tells you you're your car is going to explode. _Have the rigged it?_ These are questions I would be surprised if Rufus isn't asking himself. He might bring it up later at one point, if we live to see tomorrow. I hope. In order to see another day, though, I have to kick my mind into gear. It has to stop acting like scrambled eggs at the moment. _C'mon! Think, Elena! Think!_ I coax my mind into functioning while daring to sit up at least enough to see over the dashboard.

"Stay down, Elena." A snappy remark coming from my already overwhelmed superior isn't a new sight for me. I'm quite used to it, being reprimanded every now and then by him. But I have no time to allow myself to get scared, like I normally would, and disobey orders yet again by sitting up even higher in my seat. My elbows slide against the leather while I ease myself up. Rufus throws me a glare in the process.

"I shouldn't have to tell-"

"How far away are we from Kalm," I interject. My brain is finally starting to work properly despite it often freezing in times of crisis. _What am I thinking!? I can't bring him there!_ Half of my subconscious is yelling at me for the plan the other half of my brain had finally devised. It's our only chance. Rationality takes over, reasoning that we may have a chance at surviving this ordeal if it'll just listen.

"About two miles. What are you thinking," he asks, leaving me to think further on my decision. Reno, Rude and Tseng are going to wonder where we are after a few days if this doesn't clear up. That's just a risk I'm going to have to take. I give a deep sigh, preparing myself to tell my boss about what I have in mind.

"Drive another mile and a half through the Wastelands. We'll walk the rest of the way, then, I'll tell you." If my car's really rigged, we can't take any chances driving further than that. I hate the things people do sometimes.

"You really think we're going to make it." Sarcasm soaks through his voice, as though he's convinced that we won't survive at all. I swallow what fear I have for him being right, since Rufus Shin-Ra is rarely ever wrong.

"We will," I counter in a tone that's not quite my own. _We're going to live through this. I'll see to it._

The tension between Rufus and I grow. Something tells me that he's watching me, even though he doesn't seem like it. For, Rufus Shin-Ra never misses anything. A smirk plays on his lips, giving me a hint that he's no more convinced about survival than I am. Again I'm forced to shove down my fear, as my body begins to respond more to what condition it's in. The drugged state before was a lot nicer than this waking up to pain. My nerves sear with an internal fire raging through them, the cough coming back from the agony of cracked and bruised ribs. Being alive has never hurt so much. Not that I can remember. My thoughts are somewhere on the clear side. They say your mind becomes clear as crystal before you die, allowing your loved ones one last glimpse of who you were before you're gone. I hope that's not happening to me. Everything I have done up to this point of getting here, would have been for nothing. Even though I know Rufus can survive. I don't want him to go through that again. I overheard Reno telling Rude that when he found the president in Mythril, after Meteorfall, he was the worst for wear. We promised we would never let that happen to Rufus again.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice catches me off guard; making the motion to look at him like I normally do, then wince from my stupidity.

"N-nothing. It's not important." _How weak can I possibly sound? Probably not as bad as I feel._

"It must have some importance if you were thinking about it," he states, keeping his tone steady despite the rest of him being about ready to lose that hard exterior. I catch a sigh escapes him, stealing another glance through the review mirror. "They're giving up."

_Yeah, because no one would want to cross the wastelands if they knew what monsters lurk in the shadows,_ my mind tells me. Trading one danger for another, which is the lesser of two evils? Being blown up in a car, or eaten by desert monsters? I'll take on the monsters any day. Which means we have to get out of here really soon if we want any chance of survival. _Time to think like a Turk._

"Pull over. We can walk the rest of the way and make it before nightfall," I say, giving a wince in changing my position while Rufus does what I've suggested. I steal a glance at the fuel gauge. Just pushing on empty. Well, that makes up for a reason for us to still be driving and exploding with us in it. Rufus rounds the car to my side, opening the door and draping my arm around his neck to help me out. The sudden movement sends a flare of agony shooting through every nerve in my arm and torso, making it difficult to stifle a yelp of being moved.

"Are you sure you can do this, Elena?" he asks, daring to show a slightly concerned expression for my condition. I nod in response, clenching my jaw to at least try and have some control over the pain. In the meantime, I psych myself up in order to move and we make it across the highway and down some to an alcove in a rock formation. He sets me down, where I lean against the stone while he's digging in his pocket, and brings out a small vial of blue green liquid. He pops the cork and presses the lip of the vial to mine.

"Drink. It'll help with dulling the pain." His voice is commanding as always, though there is a slight note to it that I can't pick out. He watches as I take a swing of the potion. It burns going down like acid and I let loose a string of hacking coughs, but I do feel better after the sensation is gone. Another long drink from the vial and I feel stronger. At least strong enough to be able to take drinks of my own. How Rufus is always prepared, I have no idea. But I couldn't be more thankful than I am right now for him having this potion. I cough some more, the fresh air does me some good since we're beyond the city limits. However, it does nothing to stop my insides burning from my ribs hurting. Of it could be those deep wounds that bled through. I can't tell. All of it hurts. If I don't die from external injuries, who's to say I won't from the internal ones. My boss takes a seat in the sand next to me, leaning his head against the towering rock and glances up beyond the ledge giving us shade from the bright sun. At least it's not cloudy, but that makes us easier to spot if someone was looking.

"So, what's your plan? Since it appears that you and Tseng were right after all," Rufus questions, bloody hands and arms resting in his lap. The red oddly clashes against the immaculate white of his pants. It has taken on a brown tinged color against his pale skin. This feels strange not seeing him perfectly groomed and speaking with a more casual air than normal. I'm still tempted to call him "Sir" just to keep myself sane and in the mindset that I'm still working for him. Though, I guess in this situation we are as close to equals as one can get with Rufus Shin-Ra.

I finish off the potion, then, dig in my pocket for my cellphone. I reach out my other hand in order to take Rufus' as well. He hands it to me without resistance, watching as I struggle to stand, both phones in my hand and throw them as far as I can into the heated desert. With the sun glaring off white sand, I can't make out where they land. But it can't be anywhere near us. I'm almost tempted to wander out just to look for them and make sure they can't be found. Hopefully the sand will bury them soon.

"First," I say taking a deep breath into my still weak lungs to keep myself from blacking out. "We cut off all modes of communication for the time being." He watches me silently, knowing why I had opted to break our phones, despite him also still feeling there may not be as much danger to him. All this I can read in his glance since he's allowed his guard to drop for a moment. That one glance is quickly replaced with another wall to keep me from reading further into what he may be thinking. The awaited explosion of my car hits the atmosphere like a sonic boom, sending bits of rock and sand to fall from our shelter.

"Without our phones and the car gone, it's easier to convince whoever's after us that we're dead… True, they won't find any bodies. But that's better than being found," I say in a quiet tone. I take back my seat against the rock. _Like clockwork._

"You've done this before. That's why you're so sure, isn't it?" he asks, his voice taking on the heavy weight of exhaustion from being pursued relentlessly. I'm silent for a moment. I thought he knew about us being alive during Kadaj's attempt at reviving Jenova. I guess Tseng left out those pieces of information for our own sake not to bring back unwanted memories. Good for him. "…yeah." My voice is meek, which now matches how I feel. The only reason why I survived is because of Tseng's direction. Without him to help me kick my mind into gear and force me to do what needed to be done, I would have been dead back in the crater. It was Tseng who knew the protocols, the routines, in order to keep us alive. We weren't prepared for the remnants. I feel like crying. No. In fact, I have never been so unsure in my entire life. I just know what we're supposed to do to ensure we stay alive. I don't know that we'll actually pull it off. These first few steps ensure our future in hiding and I can't mess anything up.

I bring my knees up to my chest, instantly regretting the pain that brings. Yet, the need to cry is so much stronger at this point I don't even care whose looking. May it be my boss or some random person; it doesn't matter.

"The truth is, Sir… I'm… not sure at all… What I did back then was because Tseng was there to push me along. He had me convinced that we would get out. He got us down to The City of the Ancients, where Vincent found us, but…" _Don't cry, Elena. Don't. Cry._ Rational thinking is telling me that crying now won't fix anything, or help our situation. It's much stronger like my Turk instinct.

"It wasn't all him, Elena. Your own will made sure that you would make it out alive, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Not to mention, you made it out of Deep Ground. There's relevance of your capabilities there." Rufus' voice isn't soothing, like I hope it would have been. Not like Tseng's would have been. It's direct and to the point as always. I let out a pent up string of sobs from fear of the _what if's_. Like what if we don't make it to Kalm. What if we're found, tortured and killed by whoever is after us. The fears I really don't wish to think about are now bombarding me, and I have no idea how to control them.

"Listen, Elena." He kneels in front of me and lifts my tear stained face up, forcing me to make eye contact with him. Sapphire eyes have taken off a slight edge they would normally have, though his voice remains sharp. "_You_ got us this far. You're not a rookie Turk anymore. Tseng isn't here to instruct you, so you took the initiative. _You_ know what to do, and _you will_ get us out of this. Understood?" I nod, whispering a "Yes, Sir." and receiving a curt nod in return.

"Good." I wipe the tears away from my eyes with the back of my hand before he continues. "Now would be a good time to inform me about the rest of your plan."

I swallow hard realizing how close Rufus has physically been to me, lately. My blood is staining his skin and he didn't bother to move away, when normally a crying woman would be the last thing he cares to see. For the entire time I have worked for the man, he has never let anyone be as close. He still has that wall of apathy built around him, despite him having changed just a little bit from how he was when I first met him. It's enough to make me question what's changing in him. I sniffle making my mind think about what to do next while Rufus waits for my response with as much patience as he's willing to give.

"My parents have a vacation home on the outskirts of town. It's mine now since it fell to me after my sister went missing and they're, well, no longer alive. It's not something my sister would have wanted anyway. We should be safe there for a while," I say watching for his reaction to my so-called plan. It could work, however. If Rufus really has someone after him, they won't know who I am, or where to look for him if the car explosion doesn't throw them off.

"Well," I ask hopeful that he approves. Rufus gives me a smirk playing at the corner of his lip to keep me guessing of what he's going to say, but I've been around him long enough to know the answer.

"You underestimate yourself too much, Elena. Do I need to remind you to drop the formalities?" I shake my head, "No, Si- no," I correct myself with him studying me intently.

"They're of no use to us, here, for the time being. If we ever make it back to Shin-Ra, then you can go back to your old habit of calling me Sir. But for now, just call me by name and we'll find that things will happen much smoother if people don't recognize me." I give a nod, finding it a bit hard to breathe from the close proximity of him and the pain my ribs are giving me by pressing on my lungs. The potion has helped to dull it enough so we can make it to make it to the vacation house. However, once we get there, I'll have to remove the bullet from my arm and that's not going to be a pretty sight.

"We… should get going. Sunset will be coming soon and it's even more dangerous for us to be out here when the sun goes down," I point out making an attempt to stand and not being very successful. Rufus, however, is ready to break my fall, slinging my arm around his neck and wrapping his arm around my waist for support.

"You do have running water, correct," he asks while we take small steps out in to the summer heat of the desert. _It's so hot! _I try not to think about it, and give a giggle instead. Which sends my lungs to another coughing fit. Afterwards, I answer "Yes, Rufus. I assure you I don't stay in a dry cabin. I was just there a few weeks ago."

XxXxX

Rufus Shin-Ra surprisingly can hold quite the conversation if he has to. I swear I've never heard him talk to anyone as much as he has spoken to me in the last few hours of our walk to Kalm. Or, perhaps I'm mistaken and he was just allowing me to ramble on mindlessly about random stuff to keep myself from passing out. Whatever works, right? Now, silence has fallen between us, just as the sun is now dipping its blood red inky light below the horizon. It leaves rays of yellow and pink light to explode across the sky like a kid having way too much fun with the watercolor paints.

"What's that?" Rufus draws my attention away from the sunset enough point me in the direction of a building I recognize all too well from having been there so many times before in my life. So many Christmases and other holidays were spent there. It's a two storey house, with large windows on the face and two other walls, overlooking the Wastelands on the top floor. The first floor has but few windows, where the second floor compensates for that lack. My parents were fascinated with wanting to build a vacation home that resembles a modern log cabin. So that's exactly what they've done, though I've never taken time to appreciate it fully. Not until now.

"That's it." My voice comes out dry and hoarse from being out in the heat and sand all afternoon. I swear I have sand everywhere. My clothing is done for after this trip. My shirt is helpless beyond redemption, and my jeans are coated with blood, sweat, sand and exhaust. Let's not even talk about the bandages.

"Let's go," Rufus mutters, repositioning his hold around my waist. It hits us that we have actually made it through what we thought would be the end of our lives. I try not to get excited at seeing the familiar architecture. It's all I can do not to hurt myself any more than I already have. My hand instantly reaches into my jeans pocket for the keys, not being able to find them. I huff in frustration when I catch a sideways smirk on his lips from the corner of my eye. He dangles them in front of me with his silent, yet mocking question and I snag the ring from his finger, instantly searching for the right key. Great, he's resorted to Reno's type of teasing. I stop once we're at the front door, biting my bottom lip in concentration of finding the right key and testing the lock. Finally after what feels like forever. The lock gives in with the last key I would have thought of to use in my disorientated state and we stumble inside to the grandeur my parents have created.

My superior's hand leaves my side, then unwraps my arm from his neck after he sees to it that I'm in the safety of the rounded sectional that has its own little sunken in home in the floor. I lie on the cushions and allow my thoughts to finally drift off to something I don't have to think about for once today. Something that's not imperative to our survival since we're in a safe house for the time being. I give a heavy sigh, thinking back at how everything happened today. This was one of the longest days of my life.

To distract myself from unwanted thoughts, I opt to light candles instead.

This project of gathering all the candles I own, placing them strategically around the first floor of the house, and lighting them is what ultimately relaxes my mind. As I pass by the restroom in order to place a rather large candle that takes both hands to hold atop the window sill, I catch the sound of rushing water from the shower. A barely audible curse or two comes from my male housemate within the small room. At the sound of his frustration, I try not to smile at the thought of Rufus never giving himself time to vent. He's always burying his frustrations about whatever may bother him deep down until he explodes and starts snapping at everyone in the building. I move away from the restroom door, realizing I've been standing there too long and head back to the kitchen in order to think of other places to put candles.

By the time Rufus is done using the shower, I'm trying to coax the wick of my last candle sitting on the coffee table in the living room to catch flame from my lighter before it burns my hand.

"C'mon… please?" I beg, my tongue poking out from the corner of my mouth in frustration at the stubborn candle wick. I can feel sapphire eyes on me silently and feel that Rufus is reveling in watching my frustration. After it finally catches, I lean back and give a quiet "Yes!" at my accomplishment. If being happy over a candlewick catching flame is the highlight of your day, then it's been a crappy one.

"This is what you've been doing while I was in the shower?" he asks from behind me. I turn around to face him, feeling a flash of heat creep its way to my face at the sight of my boss in nothing but a towel and I'm struck silent. In response, I turn back to stare at the candle, daring my thoughts away from what I have just seen. His hair slicked back and wet from the water, running down his torso and… _No! Stop it, Elena! Thinking about your boss like that is completely inappropriate! You're a Turk! Turks can't have relationships, even if it's with…_

"Yeah," I answer quickly before my mind can get me in even more trouble than necessary. "It relaxes my mind. Besides, the candlelight takes an edge off of modern lighting and it's not so hard on the eyes. I prefer it over lamps most of the time_." So much for relaxing when you've got a hot guy, who also happens to be your __**boss**__ in your house!_ I swallow hard, pleading my hormones to stop this torture. It's not as if Rufus would have me, anyway. I'm covered in blood and I highly doubt I'm his type at all.

To keep my thought from wandering to further inappropriate things, I hobble past Rufus on my delicate balancing act of walking over to the restroom in order to get the surgical kit in the closet. Though, when I enter, my senses are bombarded with the smell of humidity and scented soaps and _him_. I shake my head, aware that he is watching. He's always watching; observing what goes on around him. He must think I'm a fool for feeling a little something more than what our contract between employee and employer states. This is now the third time in one day that he has caught me off guard and made me look at him longer than I should. To forget about that, the sound of the door to my room closing snaps me out of daydreaming and coming face to face with reality. I have to get this bullet out of my arm.

XxXxX

As delicately as I can, my fingers undo the bandage that has been made of my shirt by Rufus earlier when I was out. Now, it has become a very dirty, sand stained, blood caked and coated mess that threatens to stick to my skin. I tear it away quickly, paying for the instant burn and relief by letting out a yelp. I hate doing this. I always have. Especially when doctors do it just so they can get gratification from someone else's pain. That's when I hate it even more. My fingers fumble to open the surgical kit sitting on my bed next to me and search for the long tweezers used for this type of thing. Dead flesh mixed with dry blood cakes the edge of the bullet hole in my arm. My hands, despite their shakiness, work to clean the wound so I can get the damned thing out. With reserve, I take a deep breath, curling my legs under me and grabbing the nearest pillow to muffle my screams of agony since I have no pain numbing medications.

Nervously, I take up the tweezers in my left hand. My right arm lies in my lap, relaxing the muscles so I can do this properly. _This is going to hurt. I know it's going to hurt. It's so going to hurt! _Inside I'm panicking at the prospect of pulling a bullet out of my arm, despite having prepared for it. I wish my mind would shut up sometimes. I can't get anything done because of my being a scardy cat. I convince myself that I can indeed do this and prove it by sticking the tweezers in the wound. My jaw latches onto the pillow in my lap to stifle the scream accompanied by tears from the pain that digging into an already open wound can cause. My senses are sharp enough to catch the knock at my door, while my concentration is directed on the task at hand. I ignore the knock again, Rufus' voice coming from the other side to check if I'm alright. Between hot tears and muffled screams in my pillow, my hand works steadily enough to catch the thing in my arm. Blood pours from the wound, dripping down my arm as I begin to pull out what I thought was a bullet. That is until I see the blood coated tip of a long bright green shard that belongs to materia. _Almost…there!_ I look at the materia shard wide eyed, just as Rufus decides that leaving me alone any longer probably isn't the best idea and opens the door. Blood is still running down my arm despite the pain having subsided with my new concentration on what's between the ends of the tweezers.

"Elena…" My boss's voice is slightly unstable, which is more disturbing to me than his normal callous tone that helps him cope. He's probably miffed that I ignored him. Or, it could have been the fact that I was screaming into a pillow and not answering him. Or… my mind tries to trail off into its fantasy world once again. I'm not fooled by what my conscience has to say. It can say that what Rufus is doing means that he likes me, but I know that can't be true in any case. I glance over to him standing in the doorway. A flash of what I interpret to be worry in those deep blue eyes of his is gone the second I see it happen. _What was that?_ I question myself before daring to say anything. A second of silence passes, then another… And another. _Okay, this is getting out of hand. Would someone please say something!?_ I swallow hard, not sure how to formulate the words in my head without it coming out as word vomit. He does the same from what I can tell, but before he can speak, my mind decides to get with the program.

"It's not a bullet…" _Thank you Captain Obvious! Rufus can see for himself that it's not a bullet! _I chide myself for not coming up with something more intelligent and instantly feel like a loser.

"Rufus… Who are these people?! They obviously meant to kill us, seeing as they used a shard of materia instead of a normal bullet." My mind is on a roll, coming up with questions and prospective answers to those questions all at the same time. My body feels slightly faint from the blood loss and other things that have happened within the last few weeks. I can't keep still! I need to know what the hell is going on! I find myself standing from my bed and pacing the length of my room while clutching a clean gauze pad to my right arm.

"I know, Elena!" I stop my pacing to watch him. He takes a seat on my bed and run his hands down his face. It's been a long day. Maybe we should think about this more tomorrow…

"I don't know," he concludes, folding his hands atop each other and resting his chin on them. He lets out a heavy sigh, looking years older than he really is all because of what happened.

"We need to contact Tseng."

"But…" I interject, causing his wary eyes to rest on me. "He said not to, remember?"

"We need to know who we are up against and why they are so bent on having you, me, or the both of us, killed. I understand that it's taking a substantial risk at letting whoever's after us be able to track us again. It's one we need to take so that we don't go further along blindly." He's tired. I can see it more clearly now, than before because Rufus is actually allowing me to see how fatigued he is. He probably doesn't want me talking anymore, so I just nod in acceptance of his decision despite my strong feelings against them. We shouldn't contact Tseng in the morning, because woman's intuition is telling me that it's going to put us in even more danger if we do. I watch his bare back retreat from my room, muttering a "Goodnight" before closing the door and leaving me standing.

I give a sigh, shedding off my dirty clothes and making a beeline for the shower in order to wash all the blood and dirt from my skin. It isn't until I take a good look at myself in the mirror to know why Rufus had even showed a moderate amount of worry for me. Faint bruises run along both sides of my jawline. They're painted in ugly colors of purple and green. Some of which also run along my forehead, where I must have hit it. There's the scrape on my cheek, which looks slightly cleaner now. Rufus must have dressed it at some point. The pain in my ribs hasn't dared to subside. Carefully as I can, I pull away the old bandages covering reopened gashes that run along my ribs and stomach. They're going to make some nasty scars. _I doubt Rufus would find that attractive._ I shake my head. Why did that thought just occur? It's not like anything will ever happen. I need to get my head out of the clouds. This is work. I'm here to protect Rufus Shin-Ra. Nothing more. I can't have this be a problem. I run the water for my bath, while sitting on the edge of the tub. I take it easy climbing into the bath, my skin feeling so much better the second that the hot water touches it, besides the burn from the shot wound and the new forming scars. Some Epsom Salt works its way at healing my body while I scrub at the grime and dry blood. Meanwhile, my thoughts drift to what Rufus said about contacting my partner. I guess I can't really be opposed to the idea since it is important that we know who we're dealing with and what they're really after besides our lives. A few more minutes of soaking and I'm out. With a towel wrapped securely around me, I make my way back to my room. However, not before I go to blow out all the candles in the house I have lit. The house falls silent, causing me to forget for a moment that Rufus is here with me in one of the other rooms. I head back to my room, changing into a pair of pajamas, a fresh set of bandages to cover my wounds, and climb into bed. I cover my head with the fluffy comforter to hide myself from every danger there could possibly be outside of these walls. I'm not prepared for what tomorrow may bring. The thought of what my boss may be thinking, crosses my mind. When I realize how tired I am and drift off to sleep curled in my ball of fluffy comforter as my second protection against the monsters lurking in the night.


	4. This Is What Makes Us Turks

**_A/N: Hey! I'm back with Chapter 4! Yay! This story is working its way along, don't you agree? Anyway, everything is being shifted to make room and what not. Now I have time to concentrate on the workings of Chapter 5. Whew. This has certainly been a lot of work. You know how I feel about reviews!_**

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><p>Chapter IV: This Is What Makes Us Turks<p>

The smell of eggs and toast wakes me from the deep sleep I've finally been able to have in the last few days without worry of a concussion. _What is that, sausage?_ This new scent being added wakes me up even more as I stumble out of bed and head down the hallway to the living room. Not surprising at all, Rufus is awake and dressed. Coffee cup in his hand, I watch him with sleepy eyes while he puts his plate in the sink to be washed later. _Dishes…_ I groan at the thought, which catches my superior's attention. It's bad enough that the living room is brighter than my own bedroom. Do I have to get up?

"So, you're awake. How do you feel?" Great. First question of the morning. Coming from Rufus' even tone, he must've gotten a good amount of rest considering how worn out we were the day before. I respond with another groan, followed by a whiny "What time is it?" I feel like I have a hangover without the drinking. My head is spinning and my body aches despite the bath I have taken. Me in a half asleep state means that I'm even more prone to babbling at anyone who's around. Which in itself can get pretty irritating. Even more so than when I'm drunk, when I just fall asleep after bar hopping and raising hell all over town. I'm all over the place. According to Reno, my drunk self tried stealing a bottle of Whiskey, along with a few bottles of Vodka and Tequila. I don't even like Whiskey! He also said I tried to fight them and they were forced to lock me in my room. Lucky for them, I can't find my way out of a paper bag. I doubt the door was really locked. Though, my drunk self would have believed every word. The guys will never let me live that one down. I must've been having a really shit day if I was all over Midgar, or Edge, stealing liquor and picking fights.

"It's quarter to three. Unlike you, I took the liberty of waking up early and making breakfast." Rufus' voice cuts through my thoughts while on my way to the fridge.

"You weren't noticed," I ask. Maybe my half asleep self still has control. Perhaps I should call it my snarky self since I have a trend to be rude in the morning.

"I wasn't, actually," my boss answers, thus giving my snark enough fuel to add to the oncoming fire.

"How? When you're not exactly the most inconspicuous person around!" _Oh! I am going to regret that later!_ Never mind. I regret it now. My forehead hits the front of the fridge door hard enough to give me another bruise to add to the already colored canvas that is my face. The hit wakes me up enough to stumble over my words of apology to Rufus. I turn to face him sitting at the dining room table, sapphire eyes watching me. Oh gods, I hope I didn't just make things worse.

"I'm sorry, Rufus. I didn't mean that," I manage in a weak voice, praying in vain that he isn't too mad with my stupid comment.

"On the contrary, I believe you did. However, in a different context. The way you put it was very blunt, to the point and I agree. Naturally, I don't make myself to be inconspicuous unless I have reason to. You have no reason to feel ashamed, since you have done nothing wrong." I blink in slight confusion as to what just happened. He didn't reprimand me like I was expecting him to. That's a shocker if there ever was one. _What just happened?_

"I suggest you get some coffee and food in your system so you're not as snarky when the time comes to call Tseng for information." My face heats up at the sound of his voice, low in my ear. Again! He is close to me, again! Obviously, when he could have gone the other way around the island in the kitchen and as easily have said the same thing from a distance, he chose the opportunity to come up behind me instead. Daring to pass me by the fridge on his way down the hall! Am I losing it? Or is Rufus Shin-Ra really trying to mind-fuck me? 'Cause if he is, I can't deny that it's beginning to work in his favour. Oh, I am so going to be damaged if he continues this. _Maybe he's a little interested_, my conscience tries to reason. I shake my head in denial.

"There's no chance," I mutter opening the cupboard, reaching for a coffee cup and plate for my breakfast.

While eating, I think about what Rufus said, which also has me blushing like a schoolgirl. So, he's also caught on to my snarky self. I pray I never show him my drunk self. That is definitely bound to get me fired. I've already been reprimanded at least once by Tseng for an instance involving what I've done while drunk. Granted, if Reno's just talking shit about how badass I think I am when I'm drunk. No, Rufus does not have to see that. Neither does Tseng another time. However… Then there was a different instance where… Wait! Did I sleep with Tseng?! Please tell me I didn't. My hands fly to cover my face in embarrassment. _Oh, gods… I slept with Tseng! Never mind that it may have been only once. Never mind that I was drunk! I slept with my partner and commander! Now, I'm going to be seen as the Company Whore! This is so humiliating_! I feel like never returning to Shin-Ra even if all this gets straightened out. I thought Reno was just giving me shit in Deep Ground about it. _Crap... Would it help to say he doesn't remember it, either? He, like you, was pretty drunk at the time. But then again, it explains why he has been very protective of you._ I heave a sigh. He still felt something when it happened. He couldn't bring himself to push me away, like a good partner would. He must at least have some recollection of it, even if I don't. So, I tried beating up Reno and Rude. I slept with Tseng. Not that he would ever bring it up, thank the heavens. What would happen with Rufus?! I don't even want to know. I push my empty plate away from me. I need something to do besides allowing myself to become victim to the evilness of my imagination. Especially, counting thoughts about certain people in other rooms of the same house. I hobble down the hall to go pick out what to wear for the day and lock the door behind me when I enter my room.

XxXxX

Rufus has said plainly that he wants to contact my partner to figure out who's after us. Well, since I made sure that no one could contact us with our old phones, I'm daring the escapade in order to get us a set of new ones.

After I'm dressed in another pair of jeans, a black tee shirt with a zipper hoodie and my crimson hound jacket over it, I'm slipping my feet into one of the many pairs of shoes I own. These being more practical should I need to run. Fast. True, my boss isn't going to like the fact that I'll be out alone and still injured. But I can't just sit and do nothing. Right now, this is me doing something to keep my mind occupied. I stuff the few thousand Gil I have for the time being in my pocket, then close the door behind me. I have an idea and it includes a little wooden box that Reno has given me a while back if I was ever in a dire emergency such as this. But, I can't test out what those somethings are without a new set of phones.

I told my boss that I was cautious about us having phones in case we were being tracked. All of that can be fixed with what Reno's given me in the box. I glance up to the cloudy sky, yet it's warm out as I head down the road that leads into town. The walk is a peaceful one, which feels remotely odd given all the excitement recently. It's slightly humid from a recent rain. Actually, I have a good feeling about today, hoping that for once I can have a good day where nothing happens. However, my conscience is a bit upset that I haven't said anything to Rufus about going out. _He may have wanted to go with you. All things considering, he's in much better condition than you are right now if something comes up._ I shake my head. No. I need this for myself and I'll manage the risk of going out alone. I'm a Turk; we do it every day despite being in even more danger than the general public. Someone is always after our heads for some reason or another. Speaking of heads…

I pull my sweater hood up over to cover my hair, as well as what I can of my face while passing people as I make my way towards the center of town where all the main shops are. This shouldn't be too hard. I shouldn't be noticed at all, with all these people around. Perhaps that's how Rufus was able to get us breakfast… _Didn't you notice he wasn't wearing his signature white?_ I think about it. I squint my eyes to concentrate on what exactly he was wearing this morning, while walking through the glass doors of _Shin-Ra Technologies_. Guess the name still has an impact on the people despite how far Shin-Ra has fallen.

"Welcome! Is there anything I can help you with today?" An upbeat girl greets me from behind the counter. I try a smile through the pain in my jaw. Strands of platinum blonde hair fall in front of my face despite my hood keeping the mass at bay. She can't be older than I when I worked as a bartender at Wall Market. A sweet looking thing with dark, thick hair pulled into a ponytail with side swept bangs and deep set steel colored eyes. A narrow, pretty face with high cheekbones, along with a thin painted mouth. Instantly, the color red comes to mind as one that would look good on her. A wash of concern fills those eyes of hers at the sight of me.

"Oh my, are you alright," she asks, ready to round the counter in order to aid me. Jeez, my face must look terrible! I probably should have put some make up on to cover the bruises. My fists clench to fight wanting to hide even more from public view. Finding something else to do with them, I hold myself in the jacket, while forcing another painful smile. "I'm fine," I say in reassurance, adding "It's been a rough week."

"Man problems," she asks in return, a hint of disappointment being added to her concern.

"You could say that," I reply dryly. _You don't even know half of it! I survived an assassination attempt on my boss' life, a car explosion, a reactor explosion, a failed helicopter landing, and now I'm so utterly confused about whether said boss is interested in me or not! Yes man problems!_ I have a strong desire to share with her everything I have been through recently with Rufus, even though I know that I can't because 1: it's work related and 2: we're supposed to be in hiding. So I keep my mouth closed. However, her willingness to show sympathy for me is astounding. She probably thinks I'm another young woman with an awful boyfriend… _Ohhhh… That's what she meant by man problems…_ It dawns on me just then, causing me to bite my bottom lip with hesitation of any advance in conversation. I'm surprised she doesn't recognize me despite the bruising. Where Tseng, Reno and Rude are quickly picked out with their signature styles and marks, I stay incognito. Except for my blond hair, there's nothing that could really mark me as being a Turk other than the uniform I wear. Tseng's been right about us having a much easier time of going unnoticed.

"So… you work for Shin-Ra?" I glance up slightly taken aback. The question is innocent enough; given that there are been many people who work for Shin-Ra and fewer who have returned after Meteorfall. Her eyes couldn't be more trusting despite the world outside these walls is a very dangerous, unforgiving and deceitful place. Along with the Shin-Ra company. I can't help but feel that if the circumstances were different, this girl, not older than eighteen, could have been a confidant. Much more, a friend. Oh, why do we have to be on the run?

I nod. "…yeah." My teeth peel the skin from my bottom lip in slight nervousness.

"Y'know… They say that the president is missing, or could be dead," she says catching me a little off guard. So far it's good. Let them all think that we've fallen off of the face of the planet for all I care. It could save us both from being pursued for quite some time. "But they haven't found a body to speak of, yet. The news says that The Turks are going to investigate, since one of their own is missing as well. Oh, I hope they come up with something soon. Anyway, what do you need," she asks brushing her bangs out of her eyes with thin piano fingers.

"Oh! Yeah… Um, let's see…" I search around the display case in front of me for the perfect phone that could fit in my pocket without much notice that I have one. "That one." My finger lands above a solid black touchscreen phone, sleek enough not to make too much of a difference when I have it on me.

"And, that one." I point to a different model for Rufus. After having worked for him for some time, I've gotten a sense of his personal taste. It's a white touchscreen with silver trimming. Perfect for my boss. I give an inward smile at my accomplishment.

"Who is he," the girl behind the counter asks with a quirky smile while bringing out the phones in their own boxes and setting them down. I blink in confusion for a second, not completely understanding.

"C'mon. Someone pretty like you doesn't buy two phones for herself. Or some loser boyfriend. So who's the lucky guy?"

I swallow hard recalling what Rufus has done for me throughout this ordeal so far. Along with the scolding in the form of blunt honesty and the little peeks into his soul he's given me, unlike anyone else. My skin flares at the thought, causing me to bite my bottom lip and stare at the table top.

"Ohh… He must be quite important to you," she says leaning on the counter top; thick hair falling over her shoulder.

"You could… say that…" I manage to sputter in a defeated tone. I'm given a wider smile on her sweet face for my response.

"Well, if he's worth it, hold on to him and don't let him go. Good men are hard to find."

_I wouldn't call Rufus a 'good man',_ a small voice in me says. _ B__ut he's definitely 'one of a kind', _I counter. I nod, giving a quiet "Thanks" to the girl who hands me a small plastic bag with the phones inside, pay her , then leave the small shop. My feet don't quite take me a few meters before the ground shakes with the loudest explosion on record. Which causes me to whirl around on my heel so fast, the movement makes me see black and white spots.

There in the smoldering flames of what is now a vortex of fire and smoke, stands the remains of the shop I had just left a few minutes ago. Apart from the smell of smoke and burning metal, I feel my throat tighten against something else. _She was still inside…_ I stand still, jaw clenched, only able to keep my eyes on the maelstrom all the while I find it becoming even more difficult to breathe or even move. _But… I was just…_ I try to make sense out of it all. Nothing adds up since there were no telltale signs of a bomb anywhere! For another minute I can only stand in shock, watching a pillar of red and orange reach sky high as if creating a fiery stairway to heaven, before my feet find themselves again and forcing my body to face away from what little remains of the building to walk home. And this was going to be a good day! The sound of sirens not too far off wail in my blank thoughts, the shock now beginning to wear off somewhat. It ditches the empty feeling I had when I started the journey, taking the advantage to fill me with stronger, unpleasant emotions. These include Dread and a heavy disappointment in myself. I could have saved her. I'm a Turk for crying out loud! I could have told her to get out of the building. How could I have missed the bomb?! The burning in my eyes reminds me of how human I am, only making me feel that much worse.

The front door slamming behind me shakes the whole house, while I tear off my jacket and toss it with the phones across the room. Gods! I have never felt so weak! My ears perk at the sound of soft footsteps on the carpet, alarming me enough to bolt up the flight of stairs away from him. I can't handle his confusion right now. I pick a random door to hide behind, sinking to the floor of my parent's study when the world crashes down around me. My carefully built composure on the way home breaks, leaving an ugly trail in its wake of coughing, hiccups and hard sobs of an emotional pain I'm not aware even existed. Rufus' voice drifts up from downstairs, calling out to me and wanting an answer. I refuse to acknowledge he's there, despite the weight on the carpet, creaking of the stairs and the soft knock on the door I hid myself behind. I doubt I can answer him anyway. My name being a question on his lips with a hint of concern is slightly muffled on the other side. The thought that I could have done something to save her is eating away at my conscience. Especially since I know the bomb was meant for Rufus.

_"Don't let him go."_ Her last words now weigh me down that much more. It's as if she knew something that I didn't. A girl, barely nineteen years old could see something so plain in sight which I never could. I curl into a ball against the door, knees up against my chest despite the protest from my ribcage. My crying slightly calming down to whimpers after what feels like an eternity.

"Elena…" Another soft knock accompanies the repetition of my name on the other side of the door. My hand flies to lock it when the sound of him testing the doorknob makes me aware of his intention to come inside. I need my space for the moment whether Rufus is in the same house as me, or not.

"Has something happened," he asks, which again, I refuse an answer to. Minutes pass before I feel an added weight against the other side of my barrier, meaning that he's going to be patient until I feel like talking. More minutes pass by in silence and the weight is still there against my back. He hasn't left yet, only changing positions every few minutes in order to wait longer if he has to. My other emotions are shoved aside by this new one which has me torn to pieces.

"Rufus," I ask finally, my voice coming out as a crack from dry sobs. I'm not exactly sure how I want to word my question, having not thought it completely through.

"Hm?" His voice slightly muffled by the wood. I swallow hard, the ability to breathe returning to me slowly after the shock.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"What kind of personal question," he asks in return. I sniff, wiping my eyes free of the tears and brush some loose strands of hair behind my ear.

"If you… had the chance to save someone… would you?"

I receive silence for what feels like nearly forever before a quiet "Yes" floats my way. I give a sigh in response.

"But why ask, Elena?"

"I…" My mind stumbles over how to answer before coming up with something. "There was a girl in one of the shops today. She was just starting life, not even my age yet. Anyway, I talked to her for a bit. Not even two minutes after I left, her shop was in flames with her in still inside… I could have done something, Rufus! I'm a Turk! I could have had her leave the shop… Something!"

"Not all of us are superhuman, Elena. You didn't know about the bomb, neither did she. I highly doubt she would be blaming you for her death, since you had no control over the situation. Could you have changed the outcome despite not knowing? Probably not. It's not your fault. That fact doesn't make us weak; it makes us human to think about everything we could do after something we possibly wouldn't have been able to change. Whoever planted that bomb intended for her to die in the first place. Therefore, there was nothing within your power to make a difference in what happened."

His words are oddly soothing in their harsh truth, causing me to feel a tiny bit better. Not about the fact that the girl died and I was there, but about myself. At the same time, it gives me a new perspective of what my job really is. Legal Assassination. We, as Turks, do the same thing to people as what happened to the girl. It's wrong. Everything we do is wrong in some way. _No wonder there isn't anybody who likes us._ All this time I had my head in the clouds about how great my job is, was, without realizing the true definition of being a Turk. But maybe this will give me more on how the people, who are after us, think. If that bomb was intentional like Rufus said, then…

"Rufus!" I call moving to sit on my knees. My ear presses against the door and a sharp pain of protest from my ribs lets me know that they're nowhere near ready for movement. I don't care, I have to tell him!

"What is it?" His tone is slightly intrigued at my sudden burst of excitement from its previous melancholy.

"You said the bomb was intentional, right?"

"I did," comes the confirmation. I sit in silence thinking about what it is that I'm going to suggest to Rufus. Maybe, just maybe we could have a head start…

"Elena, what are you thinking?"

"What if I make myself think like them? It's clear that they've had time to study us. What if they're trying to think like Turks, but they don't know how? What if I can anticipate their next move? What if I can beat them at their own game," I ask with all these ideas formulating in my mind. I don't notice the silence until a few minutes have already gone by. My superior on the other side obviously thinking about my suggestion, if nothing else.

"Elena." His voice is ice, taking on that all too familiar commanding tone when he's ready to give orders. I clear my throat a bit nervous at what he's going to tell me to do. "Yes?"

"Show them what it means to be a Turk."

XxXxX

My fingers fly on my laptop keyboard, sitting at the coffee table with a candle I have lit not too far away from my seat on the couch. The two cellphones I bought earlier sit side by side in front of my computer, along with the chips Reno has given me. It must be really late, considering how my mind hasn't been able to rest all day. Heaving a sigh, I program the chips using the careful instructions my redhead superior gave me at the time I received them. I have to do this right; my mind is daring to wander off back to the nightmares keeping me awake. If anything, I'm doing this for her. All of my senses are being contributed to my work, because I don't want to see anyone else die in my place. Let alone, because of me. Enough has happened to convince me that I'll have to utilize my Turk abilities that Tseng has given me in training and to take advantage of being called a legal assassin to see us through.

With tweezers, I pick up one of the tiny blue chips, sliding it underneath the battery to lie against the phone's hard drive. What should happen is, when someone makes or receives calls, the number gets scrambled. So, whoever wants to trace the call back to the original owner, can't. It's a brilliant device that Reno had come up with one day when he was bored in his office. Or that's what he tells me.

_"Shin-Ra technology at its finest, Canary. Use it well,"_ Reno had commented with a more serious expression than any he has ever shown me before. There's no way I'm going to let his hard work be wasted because of something stupid I managed to do. With the first chip in place, I move on to the second while accessing Shin-Ra's database. I hack my way through the mainframe in hopes that I can find more in which can help us before Rufus turns to calling the Commander for information. So far I'm doing alright since I know my way around most of the firewalls and blockages. However, as I delve deeper into the more confidential and tightly secure databases, I can feel someone trying to boot me off. They're determined to get what they want and so am I. I need those files!

After what feels like a very long and frustrating five minutes, I'm finally able to push my way through the defenses and take a wild guess that it's either Reno or Tseng fighting to keep me at bay. I almost feel like calling them and demanding that they back off, to let me access the files on Reactor Zero. True, there's stuff in there that I probably shouldn't see, but it may help us in the long run. Though, if Rufus finds out that I'm hacking Company files, who knows what he'll do. I'm too afraid to even picture what he would do to me 'cause it would be worse than anything the other guys have planned. That and it might implicate that I'm turning against the Company. Which is so not true! Besides, why had they blown up Reactor Zero in the first place? Just thinking about that too, on top of everything else I'm serving up as a distraction makes my head want to explode. I try not to think about how there's so much information and so much that could go wrong. Another part of me is still grieving the girl's death. The only way I'm functioning is because I'm shoving everything else down.

Tseng's still trying to boot me out of the mainframe by sending my screen little pop up messages warning that the Turks will find me eventually and destroy my hard drive with a virus of their own. One that Reno has created. Really, what does he do with his spare time and what is work? I've lost the ability to tell the difference with him long ago.

"No you don't, Tseng," I mutter under my breath, feeling the agitation on the rise with my commander. I'm so close to having all the files I need on Reactor Zero; only running into a code set up specifically by Reno to block me from going further and making the download. I growl in frustration, grabbing my phone which now has the chip installed and dialing my partner's number. He answers on the third ring, his own voice taking on a frustrated tone.

"Stop blocking the files, Tseng," I demand, keeping my voice down and as steady as I can manage despite the urge to just yell outright. The rest of me happens to be shaking in response to the tone my voice has taken. My fingers tap at my thigh for a moment before going back to the keyboard. I know I should be happy to hear my partner's voice after what was a very long two days. He probably is happy to know I'm alive in return. In the background I catch a loud curse from my fellow Turk with the red hair, while I'm still typing like a madwoman fighting off the attack on my computer to not get the files. I'm about ready to go insane! I balance the phone on my shoulder, listening to Tseng's silence. A distance noise of a door closing and he's speaking again. This time with a slightly less composed air.

"E-Elena…Where are you?" Of course he would want to know where I am, he's my partner and he most possibly has been worried about me from what I can tell. With my car exploding and all. He wants to make sure I'm alright. Since that's what a good partner would do.

"You know I can't tell you, but I need those files for Reactor Zero-"

"You're the one hacking the database?!" He instantly cuts me off in disapproval and shock at my capabilities. I say nothing in response knowing that if I do, it would be something I would regret later. So, I wait a minute in silence, letting myself cool down before continuing.

"Why is that so surprising, Tseng? They could help us."

"Well… I…" This is one of the very few times I have left him speechless and it feels awesome! _You really should learn not to take me too lightly. You know that, Tseng,_ I say to him in my mind. It's something I've brought up the last time I've left him at a loss for words, but I guess he's forgotten.

"When you say 'us', you mean the President, right?" He changes the topic, sounding cautious in the case that I may be betraying the Company and using my Turk abilities to do it. It's a valid concern since there have been employees that have done just that.

"Don't worry. He's safe," I say with a sigh, which I realize may or may not be true in the morning.

"And you?" There it is the fated question that tugs at certain heartstrings whenever he asks. I know he's concerned for me. He will always be concerned for me so long as I am his partner.

"I… I'm recovering. Tseng please, grant me access to those files." I'm quick to intercept his oncoming question of what I mean when I say 'recovering'. My voice taking on a somewhat pleading tone. My partner sighs in defeat saying "You're putting up one hell of a fight against Reno. You are aware that you're really giving his program a test drive to its limits, aren't you?" I give a near silent laugh, which surprises me a little after I thought I wouldn't be able to do such a thing for a while yet.

"I can't wait to see the look on his face," I trail off, bringing the phone down against my neck to check behind me and around the house when I hear a noise that could count as movement_. Must be my imagination._ I close my eyes, toning my voice down even further, the phone coming back up to my ear.

"Tell him to let the files go. It's not like we don't have copies in the basement." _I'll take care of the cleanup,_ I add silently, though Tseng knows I'll take responsibility for my actions later on. Half of me is none too happy about the thought of desk work. Hey, well no good deed goes unpunished. Am I right?

There's a stifling silence on the phone and I'm met with a black screen on my laptop before being given another pop up window in neon green lettering indicating _download complete_. I give another sigh, thankful that it went smoother than I thought it was going to.

"Thanks, Tseng." My voice is a near whisper in case Rufus may be awake. I'm trying my hardest to be all sneaky like a cat, determined to not get caught. Maybe I'll tell him the truth someday. But right now, it's just better to stay quiet about how I got these files.

"What do I tell Reno and Rude about the hack?"

"That it was a small terrorist group, or something. I don't know! You're good at fabricating stories." I brush my hair back with my free hand, having blonde strands lit with an orange glow fall right back into my eyes.

"Tseng," I ask, thinking of a few last minute questions before he has a chance to hang up.

"Yes?"

"Do they know?"

"They're starting to figure out that you're gone, if that's what you're asking. Don't worry. I've got everything under control." His voice is smoother, losing its agitated tone after being able to talk to me for a while. I imagine that he must have been going through a tough time not knowing whether I was alive or dead and not being able to do anything about it. It must have been really hard for him. Though now I catch a hint of something I can't quite put my finger on replacing the agitation.

"Tseng," I ask again, bringing my knees up to my chest on the couch. I curl into a ball trying to keep myself warm in the slightly drafty room. My flannel pj's don't help much against it, while my teeth go at my nails, chewing them down to near nothing.

"Hm?" he answers more quietly than before, which must mean Reno and Rude are trying to listen.

"How are you doing," I ask timidly, teeth still trying to make way at what little of my nails I have left. I tuck my hand in the folds of my pajama shirt in order not to tempt myself anymore. He clears his throat before saying anything. It's a telltale sign that he's going to lie for my own good.

"I'm managing."

"Oh…" It escapes as a sigh. Somehow I feel unsatisfied with his answer. I know he's struggling with running the company on his own and fabricating story after story for our benefit. But I still wish he would sometimes admit that he's taking on too much.

"Elena." He sounds more fatigued by the second.

"Yes?"

"Bring Rufus back alive." It's an order. Not as a Turk Commander, but one on a more personal note.

"I will," I promise with the same amount of confidence I have shown Rufus earlier.

"I know you will. Just do it."

The call cuts off afterward, leaving me somewhat dismayed that I can't tell him anything according to his orders. I set my phone on the table next to Rufus' then lean back only to feel warmth against my head. The feeling gives me a jolt, whipping around to see Rufus standing behind me. _How long has he been standing there?!_

"You're still awake," he observes while wearing a white dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar and pajama pants; a thick blanket slung over his arm.

"I heard talking and figured you were probably up." My eyes follow in silence as he makes his way down the short set of stairs to take a seat beside me.

_"Laney's getting cozy with boss man!"_ I can hear Reno's taunt in my mind, a sudden flush finding its way to the surface of my skin.

"You should try and get some sleep, Elena. It's nearly seven."

I shake my head at the suggestion. I can't. Not with the nightmares I know will plague my dreams; of death and fire. All the ways I could have saved that poor girl from dying. He turns my chin to face him, reminding me of how close we are on this couch, instead of how far apart on it we should be. The way he chooses to be this close to me is enough to drive me up a wall!

"Do it." His voice is a commanding whisper against my ear, warm breath tickling, yet he doesn't pull away. His lips now only a few centimeters from mine, his deep ocean blue eyes feeling as if they're cutting me open and examining all my secrets. They say eyes are windows to your soul. So why can't I see his? I swallow hard, feeling the heat in my skin grow to near boiling just as he pulls away. A second later the blanket is wrapped around my shoulders and he has me lie down against the soft cushions. I don't want him to leave me in this room alone to be the victim of my own nightmares. So when he stands from his seat on the couch, I take my chance at grabbing his hand and swallow down my fear of him rejecting me by pulling away and reprimanding me for making such an inappropriate move. Much to my surprise, he doesn't. His hand squeezes mine, holding on tightly while taking back his respective seat on the couch. I sit up for a moment, letting him fall against the back cushion then rest my head on his lap. I take up the chance to wrap my free arm around the back of his waist. My fingers play with the tail of his shirt. When I look up into his eyes, asking if this is okay, Rufus doesn't give me any kind of warning away. The expression he wears isn't a scowl of any kind that I have seen applied to something he doesn't like. It's neutral; almost pleasant. He knows I'm not doing well today. That I need some type of consolation, and I feel better when he drapes his free arm over my shoulder. But is Rufus only humoring me? I guess if he was, I would see it. However, the way he's holding my hand tightly, tells me different. He hasn't yet loosened his grip. Nor do I think that he intends to.

Not tonight.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Some food for thought. And yes, you may try to answer in a review. What do you think Rufus' intentions are? Is he being sincere, or is he giving in to Elena because she's depressed?**_

_**Have fun! And let me know what you think, even if you AREN'T a member of this site. I'd like to hear from you! =)**_


	5. Hiding in Plain Sight

_**A/N: I'm back with Chapter 5! Sorry it's taken me a bit longer to upload this one, I've been busy with school and what not. But hey, here it is! Now, to Pathra: Rufus will be Rufus no matter what. He drives Elena insane with his games, but how can we not love him? This chapter contains a little fluff not to have the whole story be so moody and dramatic. Besides, I think that Elena would act this way considering the circumstances. Well, I'm off to finish writing Chapter 6. Remeber, reviews are ALWAYS appreciated yet never expected. Surprise me!**_

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><p>Chapter V: Hiding in Plain Sight<p>

I've asked Rufus if he would accompany me to the funeral. Of course I have to summon all of my courage to make the request after researching more about the girl who died just last week. To my surprise he obliges, asking who the girl was while picking out what to wear for the service this afternoon.

"Mackenzie Rose," I mutter, passing him on my way to my room, black tank dress slung over my arm. Since I was there the day she died, I thought it would be right of me to go and pay my respects to her parents. They deserve that much. Rufus slides past me in the narrow hallway, buttoning his black brocade waistcoat over a nicely pressed onyx black dress shirt. He only agrees to come with me if both of us are armed, just in case. I give a sigh, closing the door to my room, dressing out of my pajamas, attaching a gun holster to my thigh, then putting on my slip. Over the black silk, I slip into my knee length tank dress, zipping up the back just as my boss knocks on my door.

"Decent!" I call, heading over to the vanity sitting in a far corner of my room, opening each drawer in search for the perfect jewelry combination that would best suit my skin color. I come up with an earring and necklace set made from the finest garnets found in Gaia, while Rufus lets himself in. I'm careful not to ruin the finish on my newly painted ruby nails as I dig in other drawers for an equally dark lipstick and hair accessory. Hey, when a woman is dressing up, she takes the essentials seriously. My boss smirks behind me through the reflection of the vanity mirror, allowing me to see it while making an effort in twisting my wet hair into a French Twist and securing it. His carefully considered black on black attire creates a striking effect with that of his deep blue eyes, which are the first thing to catch my attention from his seat behind me. They make it hard to concentrate on what I'm trying to do, my breath catches in my throat while I force myself not to look at him and put on my lipstick.

_This is so not fair!_ Internally I'm complaining about the distraction he's daring to cause, which bothers me to think that he may like having this effect on me. If he's not toying with me, what is he doing? Heat creeps through the foundation on my skin to cover what evidence of bruises are left. That speaks volumes in comparison to the ones still on my ribs. They've decided to show their ugly colors finally, in shades of deep blues and purples to go with the nasty looking injuries, though they're hidden. It still hurts to move certain ways, but I manage somehow.

Despite how difficult Rufus is making it to concentrate, I'm determined to try anyway, taking my necklace clasp between my fingers and fighting with it. Part of me is convinced that he's here to enjoy watching me struggle, while the other half is busy wondering about other things that could possibly be going through his mind. This really isn't fair. Him and his attempting to distract me. That doesn't stop him from coming up behind me and taking the clasps from my sore finger tips and unhinging it for me. His arms are laid out in front of me, around my shoulders. His chest is pressed lightly against my back, causing an even slightly darker shade of red to creep in my face. His eyes meet mine in the mirror, Sapphire blue to Caramel which has me shuddering on the inside from how intense his looks and side glances make me feel. I have to admit that it's not strictly unpleasant way. Yes, he keeps me on my toes and I find it odd that I don't mind it as much with him as I normally would with other people. It still leaves me feeling uneasy a lot of the time. I wish he wouldn't do this to me. I end up being more confused than I like.

"You look lovely, Elena." He gains the opportunity to whisper while I'm not paying attention. My face burns up at the sudden compliment. It's bad enough that I get flustered easily by Reno and his stupid commentary on every subject he brings up. I don't need Rufus helping in that instance. I hate how he leaves me at a loss for words. My mind reels attempting at formulating a suitable comeback to the compliment and failing. I can't come up with anything.

_Accept it for what it is! A compliment! From Rufus Shin-Ra of all people! He doesn't hand those out like Halloween candy!_ My intuition is determined for me to accept everything he's doing. It seems perfectly okay with this, especially within the last week he and I have been spending together. My lips stumble over the words that are clearly formulating in my mind, yet come out as something completely different.

"You… shouldn't say things that aren't true," I warn in an undertone, receiving a smirk from Rufus still standing behind me. His hands leave the back of my neck, to rest lightly on my shoulders. I mentally give myself a face palm in response, leaving me to feel awkward all over again. _That could have gone better._

"Why shouldn't I say things that are," he asks in return, his gaze challenging mine again through the reflection. I swallow hard, thinking of so many reasons, yet remind myself that I need to be more careful about picking my battles against this particular man. I convince myself to not think of how Rufus may be toying with me. Instead taking up the opportunity to turn and straighten the black silk tie he wears, and then move to brush some lint from his shoulders. I admit he looks rather nice in it. Every seam fits his frame perfectly. I can't believe that he's allowing me to be so close and touching him, nonetheless. Any other woman would kill for this opportunity, whereas I get a free pass. He still puzzles me in that respect. What's changing him? Surely it can't be me...

_Or can it?_ There's that gut feeling again. I can't help but get it every time I think about Rufus. I roll my eyes internally. _You wish_, I throw with a hint of wise crack humor.

_I do!_ It admits. _And so do you, but you refuse to see it! You're refusing to see everything he does in your favour which could be potential proof that he's interested! It's been nearly two weeks spent in hiding with him. Are you really so dense?_

I give a slight sigh at the reasoning. It could be right. That and Mackenzie telling me not to let the Shin-Ra president go. How can they possibly both be right when I don't feel that it is?

_Because you're treating it like work_, my conscience reasons. But… This is work, isn't it? Not just the fact that we're in hiding, but protecting Rufus, too? He doesn't even have to ask. I would do it anyway.

Rufus tugs at the hem of his sleeves, asking if I'm ready. I nod in response, pushing past him to get my heels, purse and the bouquet of Calla Lilies lying on my bed.

"Let's go," I mutter, allowing him to lead us to the front door. I lock it behind me while he goes on ahead, catching up with him not more than a minute later. We walk side by side in silence. My superior keeps to his own thoughts while I try to come up with something to say when we encounter Mackenzie's parents. I bite the inside of my cheek, my deeply concentrated expression causes my boss to glance at me. I suppose I'm also guilty for stealing glances his way as well.

"You'll do fine." His voice is a quiet reassurance, though I still feel uneasy about it.

"But…" I can feel myself shutter under my own scrutiny. My grip tightens on the bouquet.

"Relax. You're not giving a public speech, Elena."

My breath catches when his hand grasps mine, giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance that there isn't anything to worry about despite my anxiety. Much to my advantage, my depression hasn't dared to make itself known up until when I spot the gated greenery of the graveyard with a procession just beyond. I squeeze my bosses hand in hopes that I can manage to keep my cool when we enter. He shifts lacing his fingers through mine as we cross the road to join the pedestrians who are here for the same event. My emotions push harder to the surface, Rufus and I weaving between parked cars and through the gates. I'm finding it even harder to breathe now. Can I really do this? I don't know.

"Just be yourself," he whispers. "They'll appreciate that much."

Our surroundings seem too loud for this. Just as the small break in the clouds seem too bright. Nothing about today feels appropriate. It reminds me of how cliché movies tend to be with rain always coming down at a funeral. The plot where Mackenzie's grave is laid seems too green for its own good. The trees are too large for a town on the edge of a wasteland.

Rufus and I follow others in the direction of the proper location; a pearl white coffin sitting above the ground closed since she has burned to death. My emotions want to take this opportunity to rise to the surface where I'm forced to hold myself back from letting out a quiet sob. I can't break now. I have been doing okay up until this point. I should be able to make it through to the end.

We decide to stand away from the other people, taking our spot in the shade of one large tree that adds to the rest. I squeeze his hand again, receiving one equally as tight as a response that we can leave if this becomes too much for me to handle. But, if I can't do it here, how will I be able to do it in the future? Will I be able to compose myself over other possible deaths? I remember Reno commenting about my soul being too soft for my own good. Maybe he's right. Is that the reason why everyone feels it necessary to protect me from the truth about what really happened in the Dragonfly? Rufus and Tseng both say that the events were traumatizing. Perhaps I should listen more often instead of being so hard headed. That seems to be my undoing in regard of getting myself into trouble. I can think of so many times where I mess up because of my ego getting in the way and I should have been fired, but wasn't. If Tseng didn't look out for me, and if Rufus wasn't my boss I would have been worse off. A cool breeze rustles loose leaves to drift off the tree above, falling to the ground with a quiet _pat pat_ around us. My bangs are blown out of the twist and I have the urge to brush them aside, however Rufus' hand keeps me from doing so. He steps in front of me for a brief moment while he pushes the bit of bangs hanging in my face, behind my ear again. His touch sends my nerves off the deep end, causing my breath to catch in my throat while he pulls away. He returns to my side with a secretive smile tugging at the edge of his lip that's near impossible for me to read.

"Thanks," I mutter timidly feeling heat rise through the powder. He's going to keep me guessing, isn't he? If Rufus is driving me down a hill at full speed, eventually I'm going to crash when I reach the bottom and it won't be pretty if he keeps playing these games of his. However, his willingness to hold my hand is surprising when he's normally so distant. I can understand that it may help us to keep up appearances by him doing this. However, I don't think that if Rufus allows this to escalate in to something more romantic, that I'll be able to easily break off this pretend relationship when it comes time for us to return to Shin-Ra; if we ever do. Granted he hasn't said anything on the matter, but I hope he understands that it will be difficult for me when he does turn away. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm not sure how I feel about any of this. How he's showing me affection, sliding from one disposition to the next as easily as turning over a card. It confuses the hell out of me. Often times leaving me with a hopeless feeling at just when he'll dare turning me away. I'm afraid to admit anything, that he would take it the wrong way, or not how I mean. A commitment with Rufus Shin-Ra is terrifying. Yet, it's as if he has nothing to fear. He stands at my side, chin held high, fingers woven through mine as if he knows exactly what he's doing. And that he's positive this is the right thing to do. My gut being so sure about him only makes me question his motives even more.

I glance in Rufus' direction when the service ends, hoping to catch a glimpse into his mind to try and figure out what he may be thinking. It doesn't work, which is not too surprising. So I turn my attention back to people who are now milling about. Some are leaving, others stay. Perhaps this is a good time to seek out Mackenzie's parents. I give Rufus' hand a final squeeze before he lets me go to weave my way through crowds of people. Everything that I want to say to them replays in my mind as I walk past empty chairs and small clusters of beings, where I eventually spot who I take to be her parents off in a corner not far from the closed coffin. The woman I gather to be Mackenzie's mother has dark hair and the same features as her late daughter, also sharing the same body type. Her father is a somewhat stout man; pushing a bit on the heavy side with the only trait that marks him in relation is their stunning eyes. I stop a few feet from the two of them, clutching the bouquet in my grasp and glancing back at Rufus waiting for me, hands casually placed in his pockets. He gives a nod in my direction of _'go on'_ which forces me to regain my courage in speaking with the couple. After all, I'm the one who wants to do this, so it's only right for me not to chicken out and see this through to the end. I take a few experimental steps, swallowing the urge to turn and leave, finally making it close enough to talk to them. Everything I have planned on saying goes out the window, leaving my mind a blank slate with the only thing now keeping me standing here is the reminder of what Rufus said to me on the way. I try to relax when the couple catches drift of me, while I take the plunge, closing the gap between.

"Excuse me. Are you by any chance Mackenzie Rose's parents," I ask in a timid tone, receiving a grim nod in confirmation from her mother. Her tormented expression makes me feel that much worse about not being able to save the girl, where my depression, which I've been managing to keep at bay for the entire service, is struggling its way to the surface again.

"Did you know her? I saw you and the man standing in the back during the service," her husband asks, his tone remaining quiet.

"I met her briefly," I admit. "It was the same day she died. I thought it appropriate that I attend and give my condolences."

Mackenzie's mother gives a sad smile at my words. "Thanks. Not many strangers would do something like this. She would appreciate it, knowing that there are other people in the world who care about her besides just friends and family."

I hand her the bouquet of Calla Lilies, bid them farewell after sharing a few more words and head back to where my superior is still standing.

"Well?" he asks upon my arrival, catching the air of calmness surrounding me now.

"They appreciate our coming even though we weren't invited," I say feeling the burden of my depression disappear. Rufus lifts his elbow, enabling me to slip my hand through and take a light hold of his arm.

"I told you there was nothing to be nervous about," he points out with an enigmatic smile making itself known before slipping away.

"I never said you were wrong," I respond, my pace now matching his as we head back toward the entrance. Once again I've managed to ensnare Rufus in conversation, which takes up the better half of our walk through the greenery of ivy and crumbling headstones that mark a new area of the graveyard neither one of us recognizes. Rufus shrugs when I make the observation, steering us back in the right direction towards where we were originally headed. I like this. I never thought that Rufus Shin-Ra would be one who I enjoy spending so much time with. Yet, I can't help but feel that he's only doing this to humor me.

"…not that you were aware of. However, your disposition speaks volumes according to how you feel," he says in reference to something that had happened a few days ago. My face heats up at the memory of him being so close to me again, annoyed with how I was acting that day, since his affectionate roller coaster was very close to driving me insane. Okay. So maybe he's aware of how I feel about him. Could this possibly make things better between us? I don't know. My intuition seems to think so. In fact, it's convinced that there might be something beneath the mask of superiority he wears all the time.

"How would you feel about having lunch? Neither of us has eaten anything all morning, so the meal should do us some good," Rufus suggests leading us through the front gate and down the street towards town, not in the direction of home like I was thinking.

_He's taking you on a date! I told you he's interested!_ My intuition feels it necessary to rub in logic that I find too difficult to believe.

"Y-you mean… like a date…?" I ask with caution. I could be reading him completely wrong since I have no idea what his motives are. He's a hard man to read and it's still not fair that he's playing these games with me!

"Is there any reason I shouldn't," he asks stopping in front of me on the sidewalk near the wrought iron gate of the graveyard. His question makes me feel like I've said something stupid. Of course he wouldn't do anything without some intention.

"But you're my bo-" his finger presses against my lips to shut me up. Good. I could use a little shutting up every once in a while. It'll keep me out of trouble.

"You know how I like to do things," he says with an undertone. I nod to show him that I understand. "But to answer your question, Elena; yes. I mean a date."

_See?! You can't misinterpret that!_ My gut feeling pushes me to accept things as they go along. Especially since it claims to know what's good for me and that Rufus is indeed interested. However, to me, Rufus feels like a bad pill. I can only keep myself from expecting more from him without being hurt. I'm trying to keep myself in denial in case he's really toying with me, keeping my emotions as guarded as possible. Though that hasn't gone too well a few days ago when I foolishly added fuel to the fire by admitting that maybe I like him more than I should. Not to mention it was he who pushed me off the deep end, which started our argument.

Rufus takes his finger away, leaving me at a loss for words while continuing our walk into town. My heart skips a beat still attempting at reading him in vain. Is this an apology for making me upset? Or is he doing this because my intuition could be right? His admitting to it being a date lets loose butterflies in my stomach to kill each other and a sudden heat seeps through my make up at where he's chosen to take us.

On the corner sits a quaint bistro that appears rather popular and a bit crowded. The Shin-Ra president removes my hand from his inner elbow, lacing his fingers through mine to not lose me while leading to an ornately decorated table in the back. I feel slightly overdressed for the occasion, spotting people around us who are dressed casually despite the slightly formal atmosphere. Tables are dotted around, clothed with emerald green and a tiny candle sitting on each one adding a nice touch. I take a seat across from him, my eyes searching around to get acquainted with the place with an awareness tugging at the back of my mind that Rufus is watching me as I do so. However, this time his attention on me feels a bit different than usual. There's no air of tension, which has me more at ease about being here with him. My eyes catch a flash of crimson across the dining room, which is unmistakably Reno, who is sitting with Tseng and Rude. The three of them sit at a table near a window. I bite my bottom lip in nervousness of being discovered, giving Rufus a hint towards where my fellow Turks are with my eyes. They don't seem to be interested in the goings on around them, though. Which allows me to ease in my seat. Rufus glances to where my eyes are pointing, then back at me, having spotted them as well. Why are they here?

"They won't notice us, Elena. We're just two more patrons who mean nothing. If they do, I doubt Tseng will allow Reno or Rude to do anything." He's giving me all the right reasons to relax, thus bringing up a slightly less edgy topic to distract me while our food arrives.

"How do you feel about theatre," he asks causing a small smile to surface at the memories.

"I enjoy it," I admit shyly as if it's a guilty pleasure. "My father used to bring me to see plays when I was a child, at Gold Saucer. Granted, they weren't very good productions, but I was young and he wanted me to be cultured. As I got older, he brought me to much better performances in Midgar. My sister hated it. She said they were the most boring things to ever be invented by man."

I watch a smirk form in response while he picks at his food, turning over chunks of chicken and greenery with his fork. I take a bite of cheesy goodness from my plate, savoring the flavor since I have no idea when the next time will be where we get to eat this good again.

"What about you," I ask, keeping a close eye as he stops moving his fork around. I must have caught him off guard. None of us know about his personal life, which adds to the mystery of who is Rufus Shin-Ra behind the mask he constantly wears?

"My mother made sure I was well educated in the arts. She would pull me out of school in order to see what concerto and which production was in Midgar at the time, so I always expected her to show up and I waited impatiently for her next unannounced visit. I had never seen her happier in all my life than when we went to see Loveless. It was her favourite," he says with an air. I can't tell whether it's a lie or the truth. He's guarding himself again. I couldn't even begin to guess. It could be that he feels as if he needs to give me an answer. But even so, would he have told me what he has? I don't know.

The remainder of our meal is spent with light conversation. I'm trying to keep my attention away from the corner across the room where my fellow Turks are seated. Before I know it, Rufus has me giggling at a memory of something stupid Reno made me do, that he brought up. _Men._

He shrugs it off with a smirk, calling no further attention to the subject while we finish the last few bites of food. My eyes wander back towards the corner where the other Turks are sitting, only to lock on charcoal eyes in instant recognition and stunned at my appearance. I immediately turn back to Rufus.

"We should probably leave," I warn. My superior catches on, sneaking a glance at them from the corner of his eye before standing, lying down enough money for our tab and lying my hand in the crook of his elbow. On the way to the front door, I can't help myself in sneaking a glance back with pleading that no one hears of this. Tseng shouldn't have seen us. Now he knows where we are against his orders. His expression reveals that he's taken aback at how intimate Rufus is being with me, which fades to neutral and gives a nod in confirmation of all I need to know. He's going to pretend that he hasn't seen us. Reno and Rude aren't going to hear of this, either.

We're silent on the walk back home. Both of us are more alert from the encounter, which has us on our toes. Talk about ways to shake things up. I can practically smell the tension rolling off of Rufus in waves, giving an obvious impression that he's uneasy about what happened and what could happen next. I lock the front door upon entering, my eyes following him as he removes his suit jacket, laying it on the back of the couch to reveal his waistcoat.

"We were too careless," he mutters in a distant tone, instantly picking up his role as superior. I watch him unbutton the cuffs of his sleeves, then move to loosen his tie. I manage a swallow, striding up behind where he's seated on the couch; my hands move to loosen my hair which falls in loose curls around my chin.

"We'll leave tonight, then," I state flatly, not waiting for an answer on my way to change out of my nice outfit, into something more reasonable. I can understand Rufus' disappointment manifesting from somewhere in himself. One thing that I have learned about the man is that he is his own worst critic when it comes to doing something right. He expects the same results from others as he would from himself. The only way to deal with brutality such as that is to come up with a quick solution which would save him from being his own worst enemy. It gives Rufus the chance to be distracted from the fact that he didn't meet his own expectations. It's the least I can do for his sake as well as my own.

XxXxX

Dust clouds into the dank air of my parent's outdoor garage, rustling of a tarp being added to the fray in uncovering my father's favourite ride. His prized electric blue muscle car sits under a few layers of dust and tarp from years of not being used. I don't even remember the last time he drove it! I cough and sneeze at the fumes, while pulling the silver material off to the side in a back corner of the garage. The car's bright blue finish greets me, practically glowing in the silver moonlight filtering through the open door. My father loved this car, which was probably why I've never seen him drive it. This thing is a monster in every respect and I can expect it to haul ass when needed. Rufus and I should be more than fine for a while, if not longer with this thing helping us. I catch my reflection in the chrome air duct atop the hood, not a stain of tarnish to be seen. Coffee swirl colored eyes reflect back at me, my already short hair curls around my cheek bones in ringlets from the French Twist I was wearing previously. To myself I appear as if I'm the type to get into huge amounts of trouble, which isn't entirely wrong, since that tends to happen more often than I like. The hound fur of my jacket's collar tickles my chin making me wonder what Rufus may see in me dressed like this, especially when each person has a different interpretation of someone else. I slide into the immaculate interior, putting the key in the engine and smile at the purr when it starts up right away. I back it out to the front of the house, leaving the key in while heading up the steps to see if my boss is anywhere near being prepared.

"Ready," I ask, catching Rufus just as he's slipping on a pair of shoes. He glances up at me standing in the doorway from his seat on the couch, holding me in his gaze longer than necessary. He's giving me the once over again with the peculiar way I tend to dress sometimes and it leaves me feeling self-conscious. I should not be calling attention to myself, just as he should not be looking at me this way. I bite my bottom lip, turning away from him to break the spell someone has seemed to cast, reminding myself to never wear this combination of clothing in Rufus' presence again. Consisting of dark wash fitted jeans, knee high lace up boots, white tank and jacket made from Crimson hound hide and the color of desert sand.

"You act as though that should keep me from looking," he says from behind me, causing a warmth to rise and the previous battle between butterflies to initiate once again. My hair tickles my cheek when I turn back to face dark blue eyes, now the hue of midnight ocean in the dimly lit room. _Oh gods…_ A curl falls into my eyes, which I brush back much to the amusement of Rufus who's wearing a sly smirk, his eyes still focused on me.

_When are you going to admit that Rufus has a thing for you?_ I stuff my hands in my pockets, forcing my eyes to meet the floor in awareness of his footsteps coming closer and stopping behind me.

"I'm not as clueless as you may think, Elena," he says. His breath tickles my ear at the proximity, fingers resting on my hip only to trail across my lower back and leaving a tingling in their wake. The butterflies work harder at massacring each other, the feeling of his touch branding itself into my skin with a new way of distinguishing Rufus. This has never happened with Tseng, or anyone for that matter. I force the feeling aside, knowing that there are more important things to concentrate on now. While my superior gains a head start to the car, I cross the living room, shutting off the lamp and grabbing my backpack which holds the essentials, including my laptop, a few changes of clothes and whatever else I need for this trip. My feet take me out the door to meet my superior who is already in the car. I climb in silently, placing my backpack in the back seat and take off.

I dare myself not to glance at the sleeping form beside me of Rufus Shin-Ra from the corner of my eye. Silver moonlight illuminates the landscape brightly enough to spare the use of headlights through green pastures turned blue from the light near Mythril. I'm finding it difficult not to think about him and what effect he has on me with everything that he's doing. I remind myself of what he said earlier today, how he doesn't do anything without some intention. Which must mean that he intentionally whispers in my ear, holds my hand and trails his fingers across my back. _Oh gods!_ I can feel myself hitting rock bottom and I still haven't resolved on whether or not he's toying with me. If he is, this is a very, very cruel trick. I don't know what to do! My imagination is taking advantage at getting the better of me, showing possibilities of what could happen. It decides to jump to conclusions despite my willing it not to, while turning on my headlights at the entrance of the mines.

_Just take it all in with a grain of salt_. For once, I decide to listen and steal a glance at my boss in the wide front seat. His guard is down, wearing a tranquil expression in his sleep. I'm slightly amazed at how much younger he looks with nothing around to stress him out.

A few hours of silence pass, blinking lights from Junon Harbor signal that we're close to the port. I pull over into the grass, not seeing the harm in stretching my legs some and shut off the engine. My companion stirs slightly when I open the car door to a balmy yet warm night air and lean against the bright blue hood of my car with the door sitting open. I abstain from waking him, unless there's a need to do so. After years of dealing with how unpleasant my parents could be if woken up, I've learned quickly about the importance of sleep. My feet take me in a lap around the car, my eyes concentrated on the stars, with determination to find every constellation I may recognize and recall all the stories I've heard about each one. A million tiny specks wink back at me in a cloud of baby blue stretched across an expanse of a darker blue background. I have never seen so many stars on my own; apart from the times I have gone on missions and have had to stay overnight in one small town or another, but never in Midgar. I twist around trying to take it all in and imprint it to my memory. Who knows when I'll be able to see them like this again. A slam of a car door draws my attention to Rufus straightening his jacket and white shirt over a pair of stonewash jeans of a faded blue that matches his eyes. I get the feeling that white and blue are his colors since he looks good in one, the other, or even both.

"What are you doing out here," he asks coming up beside me.

"I was stretching my legs. Sitting in a car for hours cramps them, and then I got distracted," I answer in caution of what moves he may pull next. He sticks his hands in his jacket pockets, directing his attention in the same direction as mine; towards what seems like white paint splattered across a dark canvas.

"Have you seen them before," I question while watching as my superior's expression shifts subtly from one to the next.

"Only in the Northern Cave. Though, I'm sure we'll get to see more of them before returning to Edge," he responds with his distant tone that gives the impression he doesn't really care. I heave a sigh, watching his retreating back as he heads for the car. He's reverting to his guarded self, not willing to share much of anything. Everything that I feel has a grasp on his personality caves through with a few set words. Nothing indicates what happened earlier at all. It's as if all of it was a dream and this is the reality I've come to know. He doesn't acknowledge anything about the date, his whispering in my ear, or that he managed to make me feel something new for once. Rufus is back to being my superior minus the formalities and throwing me for a loop once again. I doubt I'll ever truly understand him. My feet take me back to my car at a slower pace, stealing one last look at the brilliant flares of light so many thousands of miles away and climb in with sense of loss for all that I thought I have finally gained.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Quiz time! Can anyone guess the meaning behind the way someone holds hands with you?**_

_**Hint: It has to do with the position of their hand and the difference between lacing fingers and clasping.**_

_**Again, you may answer in as part of a review or a PM. I'll give the answer in the Author's Note of the next chapter. Good luck!**_


	6. The Fairest of Warnings

_**A/N: Oh wow, I am so sorry guys! I feel bad about not being able to update sooner. Well, on the brighter side, you all have a new chapter to speculate over while I have to deal with midterms all this week. Spring Break is next week, so hopefully I'll be able to make up for lost time with the publishing of Chapter 7. Right. Okay, so for all who have participated in my little quiz contained at the end of the last chapter; holding hands in a normal fashion can be done with anyone. I do it with my best friend. Laced fingers imply that you're much closer to the person and you care about them deeper than just a friend. we see lovers and newly weds do this often. Or anyone who is in an intimate relationship. Why Rufus chooses to hold Elena's hand like this beats me, but it doesn't take away from his cryptic charm. He's still got her guessing! Reviews are greatly appreciated! They help the plot bunnies multiply! :)**_

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><p>Chapter VI: The Fairest of Warnings<p>

I park the car on the main street in Junon outside a quiet café, reaching in the backseat for my backpack while Rufus doesn't wait for me. He's already closing the passenger door behind him. I heave a sigh in defeat at his being distant. Who knows how long this bout is going to last before he decides to start showing what I can only gather as being affection, again. Am I really okay with this? My conscience nags that I should be since there is much to Rufus Shin-Ra. I should consider myself obliged that he's showing me all these different sides of himself, regardless of how confused I am. Still, that doesn't exactly make me want to accept what he's making me feel along with how mind-fucked I am.

I follow him after a moment, locking my car and stepping through a glass door to a bright yet quiet atmosphere. Small round rustic tables are scattered about in no particular set up. Each has a couple of chairs, with an occasional extra or one missing from other tables that people were too lazy in replacing. I follow Rufus to a table in the back corner where we are less likely to be noticed by anyone entering and leaving the café. He stifles a yawn while I set up my laptop on the small stone table, claiming the seat next to him. My superior remains silent, which has me wondering why he's acting so closed off.

_It could be the stress_, I reason with myself in an attempt to come up with something logical. It's understandable. I mean, we have been under an enormous amount lately. Tseng wasn't supposed to be there! We were supposed to remain unseen to everyone and it was going so well! How things could become so critical in a few hours' time has me still a bit shocked. Not to mention I'm tired from driving more than half the night. I fall into the seat next to Rufus with a sigh. Is it just me, or is he giving me a look as if he knows that his stress must be rubbing off on me? He gives me a sideways smile while I lay my head in my arms, peeking at him from sleepy eyes. I guess I can accept it as somewhat of an apology for having us leave so soon without much preparation. Another sigh escapes me while my computer finally wakes up, allowing me to begin researching Reactor Zero in one window. A second window is dedicated to any available bunkers in Junon that may come in handy. It's too late and too early all at the same time. We can't afford to be discovered again. Nor, can I handle any more bullshit today. I swear, the next person who walks through the café door and recognizes us, I will take out. I may be tired, I may be hungry, but I'm also frustrated. That's a bad combination if there ever was one. I don't care who they are.

I watch my companion rise from his seat to get something to eat from the back counter, returning with two cups of coffee and sandwiches. He hands me one, which I take. I waste no time in unwrapping it, then take a hearty bite from the corner. I'm famished! Right now, food has never tasted so good! My boss takes his meal with less barbarianism; an amused expression crosses his features at my crumpling of the paper.

The place is quiet with very few patrons hanging around during Witching Hour. However, my Turk instincts are still heightened just in case I may need them at any given moment. I type away at the keyboard of my laptop. Several more windows pop up with information that Tseng has mentioned before about Zero's activity. He's right. Some graphs show a sudden influx of activity pertaining to amounts of entry into the reactor over the course of just a few weeks. What could someone possibly want down there if it isn't involved with Shin-Ra? My brow furrows, troubled by the information and I can feel a grimace begin to form with each new window showing more detail of what's been happening down in the reactor recently. Rufus looks over my shoulder at the computer screen, taking a sip from his coffee with a grimace forming.

"How did you get a hold of these," he asks in a tone coated with suspicion.

_Uh oh! Time to fess up!_ The voice in the back of my mind warns. I have no excuses ready for this, so I might as well tell the truth. Besides, if I lie, I could find myself in so much more trouble than if I tell him what I've done and how Tseng helped me to help us. _Geez... could things get any worse?_ Yes. Yes, they can. I know he's going to be furious since I have no authority in doing what I did. But the possibility still stands that they could potentially help us. They already have.

"I hacked the Shin-Ra database," I admit in a low tone, closing down a few window's I don't need and hiding others to the task bar and leaving my computer desktop open to our company's logo. Rufus remains silent, waiting for what explanation I have ready this time. He, like Tseng, would be the last person to expect this from me.

"That's why I called Tseng. I wanted the files to trace what activity has been going on in Reactor Zero. I thought that could help us and they already have. But I needed him to grant me access."

"I don't even have access to these files, Elena. How did you know where to find them?" His voice is cool, regaining its distant tone he adopted hours before when I stopped for a rest on the side of the road.

"I…" _How can I explain my misconduct in a few words?_ Something that I could best describe how I managed to pull it off without going into a full monologue? I rub the tired from my face of a sleepless night, forcing my brain into workingite its want for rest. It won't do me any good to be shutting down now. To be frank, finding the files wasn't all that difficult. I just followed a trail to all the reactors in Midgar, noticing that Zero wasn't accounted for and followed the red flags.

"The late president wasn't too concerned when he made an account of all the reactors in Midgar. It's true that any person looking at the files wouldn't notice the gap between Reactor Zero and headquarters. But since Reno and I have been in Deep Ground, the connection wasn't difficult to make. He left a very distinctive trail to Reactor Zero since it's the main reactor that keeps headquarters and Deep Ground functioning." There's my explination! Rufus waits for more to be offered, sipping his cup of coffee while I take up my own cup with no morecup left to be said.

"I'm not sure whether to be impressed by your capabilities or to punish you for doing something that compromises the safety of company documents. I trust you'll exterminate these files when we're finished so they don't fall into the wrong hands."

I nod, shutting down my laptop, both of us glancing up at the tinkling bell that announces customers. It's been so quiet; I was almost convinced that we're the only people left in the café. That is, until a certain redhead calls our attention.

"Elena! Sir! What are you doing here?!" I grimace at Reno's calliReno'sus out, jumping from my seat in response to his shock. I stride towards him knowing that Rufus won't be far behind. Reno tries to explain himself quickly before my fingers latch around the back of his collar, managing managing to to ca a few strands of hair in the process.

"Rude and I thought you were dead! And the Commander's-" I drag my fellow Turk back towards the door, his protests only drawing further attention.

"Elena!"

"Shut up, Reno," I snarl while he protests around the building to a side alley. I bring him to the end, throwing him ahead of me against the cool brick using half of my strength. He stumbles before hitting thethe wall. I take an advantage of pinning his arm behind his back, my years of martial arts kicking in. My body remembers each move like a second nature, leaving Reno defenseless, yet unharmed. Our superior would be even more displeased if I actually harm him. He lets out a combination caught between a gasp and a wince at my use of forcforce._ng_, Reno?! Do ythinkingto get us killed?!" The sleepless night is getting to me, in combination with everything else from hunger to stress. I know he doesn't understand what kind of danger we're in, but the less rational half of me is set with acting on impulse.

"What are you talking about, Canary?! Tseng isn't answering any questions. What were Rude and I supposed to think?!"

_So he kept his promise. _I realise, though it's not making me feel any less averse to his actions.

"You were better off thinking that we were dead! Now we more than likely will be thanks to you!"

"Wait! Elena, I don't understand!" He continues his protesting while a firm grip is placed on my forearm, pulling me away from my superior. "That's enough, Elena."

"We should explain what he's done so that he doesn't feel quite as clueless as to why no one has heard from us," Rufus says in a low tone, backing me away from further harming my fellow Turk, who nurses his wrist. I decide not to resist, knowing that it's better if I don't and let Rufus do the talking. I glance up to him while he pulls me closer and wraps his arm around my waist to keep me steady. His voice is collected, again taking on the tone of superior despite our casual wear.

Reno faces us, the shock wearing off now that we're confirmed to be real and not a figment of his imagination. My wrist relaxes in Rufus' grip, giving Reno enough to translate what may come off as intimate or possessive as to how our boss is holding me back.

"Sir, what's going on," the other Turk asks, dumbfounded. I can feel Rufus' steady heart beat against my back, knowing that mine is fluttering from anxiety, trying to anticipate whether we're still safe or not. There's an answer for that question already. I know what it is, but I don't want it to be true. We were never safe, nor will we ever be. I've already said too much for my own good to Reno. So it's in my best interest that I remain silent for the rest of this conversation.

"Your announcement has possibly placed us in more danger than what we are already in. There's a reason for us being so secretive about our location."

"I swear I didn't…" I watch as Reno stumbles over his words with a concerned expression.

"I know. It was Tseng and Elena who had convinced me to go into hiding. Elena was chosen to accompany me, thus making my absence less noticeable to the public eye. By his orders, no one knows where we are, not even him. We were too careless last time. We were seen. Let this not be repeated. It'd be better if you not mention that we are indeed alive to anyone despite temptation to tell Rude and Tseng."

My fellow Turk nods in response while Rufus removes his hold on me, taking my hand to lay in the crook of his arm, as is our new habit of walking. He shifts my backpack on his shoulder, following Reno out of the alley where we separate. Reno heads in one direction while we head in another. My jaw clenches in resistance against the urge of glancing back towards Reno and where he may be going. Probably to a bar or something. That would be one of Reno's typical haunts. No. Glancing back would be much too dangerous and could give us away. So, with a sigh, I lower my head like a good girl and watch the pavement move under my feet while Rufus and I walk away from the scene. Bright golden light finds its way through the breaks between buildings that mark alley ways, making Rufus and I aware of the reality that we haven't slept in the last day while he leads us down a side street to a set of stairs heading to what I can conclude to be our next hiding place. I've never seen this place before, so it catches me off guard when Rufus pulls out a set of keys, taking my hand and leading me down the cool cement stairs.

"I haven't had to utilize this place before, so we should be fine despite what Reno has done," he says turning his key in the stiff lock opening the door and leading me inside. My breath catches in my throat at the elaborate, yet spacious subterranean apartment with marble flooring, white wash walls and a mix of various furniture styles that oddly don't clash. It says Rufus Shin-Ra all over it. His place is so elegantly masculine and opulent that I'm at a loss for words. Without further ado, my feet lead me in the direction of an overstuffed leather sofa with a glass coffee table sitting in front, facing a flat panel T.V. mounted on the wall. I collapse in the cushions, my feet dangling over the edge and am asleep before my boss has a chance to say anything.

XxXxX

I jolt awake from a nightmare of sirens warning me of the Dragonfly's crash. Reno's yell at me to wake up and regain control, followed by excruciating pain as if every nerve in my body were being ripped apart. I can practically feel warm plasma running down my face and back of my throat while the ringing of my cell phone brings me back to reality. I make a grab for it in my pocket, resulting in me rolling off the couch with a thud to lie under the coffee table. I wince at my ribs protest, still tender yet and bruised. Why do they take so long to heal? A curse escapes with a hiss when I answer my phone with a weak "hello?"

"What do you want for dinner?" Rufus' voice wakes me even more, causing me to sit up too quickly and hit my head against the coffee table, giving an "ow" followed with a few curse words. That should teach me to sit on the couch properly. I rub my head. I hate my stupidity sometimes.

"Is everything all right," he questions with slight concern.

"Yeah," I answer quickly trying to cover up how stupid I feel. "I fell off the couch when my phone was ringing and hit my head on the coffee table."

_Good work, Elena! Now you sound like a moron! _ I catch a soft chuckle, practically being able to see him shaking his head at me. _Is he laughing at me?!_ I clear my throat, forcing the thought aside while the hidden wiser half of me is nowhere near being amused about my dilemma. I guess we all need our dose of amusement somewhere, even if it is laughing at someone's misfortune. I roll my eyes, reminding myself to never do something like that again for as long as I live.

"Where are you," I ask catching the noise in the background which makes him have to speak up. I stuff my hand in my pocket, sliding down on the couch cushions in a very unlady like fashion. Tseng wouldn't approve of me sitting like this at all. He would be giving me reasons of why it's bad for my health and so on. It's not like he can reprimand me for it now, though. So I stay in this position with no intention of moving.

"The market. Had you not decided to be dead to the world, I would have rather you accompanied me. No matter. I'll be back soon." I give him a list of ingredients I need to make dinner for the next few nights, along with other foodstuffs we can keep in the fridge before he hangs up. I stare at my phone, wondering how he knows my number, then figure it's probably better not to ask that question. Let alone, think about it. He is Rufus Shin-Ra after all. The man has a few tricks of his own up his sleeves. After sticking my phone back in my pocket, I bury my face into warm Desert Hound fur lining the collar of my jacket and think back on the nightmare of which Rufus' call has awaken me.

_Did that really happen...? _ While most of me wonders about it, the small percentage left wonders about how squabbled my reality perception is. It could have been another memory come to haunt me and not just a dream. Should I mention it to Rufus? Granted, the dream didn't give me any important information I don't already know. But the feeling of it was real. More so than what Tseng and Reno have recounted using words alone.

I can't think about this anymore. It's too distressing. Besides, it would be better to distract myself with things that I need to get done, like taking a shower. I make the decision to do so, stripping my coat, lying it atop my backpack and strip the rest of my clothing on the way to the restroom. Rufus wouldn't mind if I use his shower, right? Though I don't know how he'll respond to the mess I made…

I'll clean it up before he gets back. One hand turns the tap, while I kick the door closed and lock myself in a room about the size of a large elevator. Everything is so pristine despite the cramped space, that I don't really have a problem with it like I normally do. Instead, I feel like I may go blind with all the white and chrome surrounding me. Someone definitely knew what Rufus liked in his house.

Amidst the running shower, my ears perk at a foreign sound, like the opening of a front door, or something resembling the type. I shrug it off, scrubbing my face clean of day old makeup along with dirt that has possibly been clogging my pores for the last day and a half. _Ugh... so gross!_ I make more of an effort in the near boiling water, knowing that when I'm finished it will be wonderful to feel clean again. I finish up my washing, figuring that Rufus can't possibly be back so soon. It's only been around half an hour since he called. My fingers grasp at a fluffy towel hanging on the rack across the way and I wrap it around myself. I grimace at the length just shy of it not mattering if I'm naked. I left my backpack in the living room…

Half of me panics at the thought of Rufus being here and having to run, grab my backpack and run back to change. Not that I'm fond of the idea, either. It's not very logical to begin with. But then again, when am I? I hate walking around in towels and I would hate for everyone especially Rufus to see me so scantily clad. Reno's tried getting me in a bikini every time we've been at Costa del Sol, but I refuse since it goes against how I feel about dressing in public. Don't get me wrong, I love my body from the constant work out. I just don't like coming off as a showy.

I open the door, only to come face to face with my boss. My nerves freeze when I slam the door, leaning against it. That was scary!

"Can you please not do that, Sir?" I slip back into a formal tone by mistake, catching my breath while his voice comes from the other side. "My apologies. I was expecting you to be dressed." I open the door a bit to face amused ocean blue eyes at my being flustered.

"I am a decent man, you know," he says lightly. I swallow hard knowing that there's no way around getting my backpack. I know he's decent! When hasn't he been? The blonde male steps aside as I open the door and pass him down the hall with heat rising in my face. I catch a whiff of faint cologne, suppressing much more ebbarrassment fighting its way to the surface through my already heated skin. He's showered and changed while I was asleep. I hate how he does this to me, where I have to fight myself not to look back at him, thus letting him know I've noticed the change in his scent, even though it's not strong. If I didn't look like such a cherry from my near boiling shower, I would possibly resemble one from the heat radiating off my skin. He's already made me feel something foreign and exciting with just his touch. That and his scent combined is becoming a more fearsome challenge than I would like to take on. I still don't want to give in to him, despite his knowledge that he may be winning. Not yet, he's not.

I let myself remain slightly aware of his watching me while I snag the sack and hold it against my body as if it can provide more protection from Rufus.

"I've spoken with Reno," he states. I stop in my tracks, throwing a glare in his direction. He knows better than that!

"Don't worry, Elena. We weren't seen." I have a hard time believing that since Junon is the second largest industrial city in the world. "He says that there's something going on with the Underwater Reactor that has Tseng on alert."

My jaw tightens along with the grip on my backpack. This isn't good.

"You think it may be connected with Reactor Zero," I ask despite having feeling my stomach drop at the answer.

"Let's hope not. The last thing we need is a town going under from another reactor explosion."

"Then… What do you suggest we do," I ask in a small voice. If the people who are after Rufus and me happen to be down in the reactor tampering with things, this could turn out very, very bad.

"We need more information concerning how dangerous an explosion would be for the area. We in particular should have more of a concern. As for Junon… I don't know. I'll have Tseng execute an emergency evacuation procedure just in case. I can trust you to run a few simulations and search through the reactor's files, correct?"

"Sir?" _Is he asking me to hack the Shin-Ra database after he warned me against it?_ I've done it once already and Rufus has called me out on it. I'm not sure I should do it again. What if something goes wrong? Well, I haven't messed up yet, as far as hacking goes. But still… From the corner of my eye, I can tell he's watching me struggle with myself for an answer, pushing up the sleeves of his white shirt and leaning against the wall. I guess I don't have much of a choice since Reno's too occupied to do it himself. Who knows. He might have done it already, or not even think of it. I force down my fear with a swallow, hoping desperately that nothing goes wrong.

"I, I can run the simulations and have them ready for you in a while. It may take longer depending on how protected the files are, though."

I head back to the couch, setting my backpack down to take out my laptop, being careful with how I move and set it up on the coffee table. I know he's still watching me, so I grab a change of clothing before making a beeline to the bathroom. When I come back, tugging at the hem of my wine colored tank to cover my stomach and what remains of the not so pretty bruises on my ribs, Rufus moves away from the wall to take a seat on the couch next to me. He gives my shoulder a squeeze before deciding that he should be doing something else. On his way into the kitchen, he stops to call my attention.

"Elena." I glance up from my computer screen to face sapphire eyes that say so much at once, it's almost overwhelming.

"Don't get caught." He smirks leaving me to hack my way through Shin-Ra's database once again. I shake my head at our new inside joke knowing that this is better than Reno always giving me crap about something.

Rufus returns after a few minutes to sit next to me while I work and glances at the screen from over my shoulder. He's so much taller than me that I forget how easy it is for him to see what I'm doing. I should remain cautious about this now, more than ever.

"How do you do it," he asks causing me to give him a quizzical expression as to his underlying question. He glances back at me, sapphire eyes resting on my shirt for a moment before meeting mine. Great. He's checking me out and making me self-conscious again. Too bad I don't have a cardigan I can hide in.

"What do you mean?" My voice is smaller than I would like it to be. This constantly happens whenever Rufus asks me something specific. Again, he wears an air of intimidation like a coat, making my energy submit to his without much retaliation.

"Hacking. Reno hasn't taught you to do it, correct?"

I shake my head. "No. I used to toy around when I was younger, not sure of what I was doing, really. That was until my father came home one day angry that someone had breached the system containing minor information about Shin-Ra's departments. He never discovered that it was me. But there's no clear way of explaining it. I just play around like it's a jigsaw puzzle."

I admit, I'm not keen about having to hack my way through another time and making sure I don't leave so much as a fraction of data that could be traced back to our location. But then again, what better time to be accessing the file server than when my fellow Turks have too much on their plates? I'm not sure on how well Rude might be able to prevent an attack on the database since his specialty is weaponry. But he might have picked up a few pointers from the real genius. I just have to be even more careful this time around in not leaving a trail. It hasn't happened before, however…

Windows pop up on my screen; Rufus glances over one, then on to the others in an attempt to read them all, whereas I remain more concerned with the important ones that give me freeway onto another server for Junon. I grimace at the lax in security, allowing me to retrieve the Underwater Reactor's files with ease.

_Someone's been here already,_ My Turk instincts kick in from the small nudge my subconscience is giving me. Immediately my thinking process works into overdrive and I reverse everything I have done to get out of the system before anything happens. Deep blue eyes study me when I slam the lid shut and leave my computer alone to heave a deep breath. Damn, that was scary… This is rather unsettling. Hacking Junon's database should not have been that easy. I fold my hands in my lap while leaning back against the couch and close my eyes.

"Is something wrong," Rufus asks with an undertone. I take another deep breath, allowing my thoughts to simmer down from the anxiety before daring to respond. Even when I do, my voice comes out shaky and unsure. "It was too easy. There was someone there before me and they left all the doors wide open."

"A trap?"

I nod in response. What other explanation could there be? However, I doubt it was one set up by Tseng or Reno. Theirs would be far more complex. No. This one was set up by someone not used to the internet world. My fellow Turks would know that we need those files if we want to take action. Though, they wouldn't have made it so easy for us to retrieve.

"You told me not to get caught, so I didn't. Although, I still got the files we need for the simulation process."

"Good. I'll be expecting results within the next few hours if you can help it."

Rufus leaves my side to go do whatever it is he has to, though I can't expect it to be much considering how we've tried to keep ourselves away from work as much as possible while remaining incognito. I reopen my laptop, turning it on and waiting for the program to start. In another window, I bring up the blueprints for the reactor, typing everything that I need into the mainframe, and then expanding the range to the Junon area instead of just the reactor itself with a bomb explosion on a small scale. It's true that we might not have that much to worry about, considering how said reactor is more than a mile underwater. However, it's better to take precautions so that what happened with Zero doesn't happen again. At least we have an early heads up this time around. No thanks to Rufus to breaking our code of not being in contact with anyone. Perhaps we can end this finally and return to the company. I would really like that. No doubt, Rufus would as well. It's been a long two and a half weeks on the run, can this be over already? I miss my bed at home. I miss being able to call whomever I wanted, whenever. Not that Rufus is bad company; I just wish the situation was different. I heave a sigh at wanting to call Michelle. I miss her, too. She would understand my frustrations with work, since she deals with a lot of the same as a bartender in Edge. We met while working together in Wall Market before I joined the Turks. And we kept our close friendship before being separated by Meteorfall. We were reunited in Edge, where she's continued her original job in Sector Three.

I push away all thoughts constructing different scenarios on my computer screen, before the few that appear the most logical formulate, leaving me with a sinking feeling. I hate every one of them. They contain a very meager chance for survival for anyone, even if the city has been evacuated. Rufus isn't going to like this. I force myself to swallow despite the tightness in my throat, taking my laptop and going to search for the president. His bedroom door is closed, which tells me he's either doing something, or is asleep. I knock a few times despite feeling awkward about waking my superior from some much needed sleep.

_What's he been doing while I was asleep?_ I wonder causing a shrug in response. I shouldn't be doing this. I know far better than to wake him, despite my having a good reason.

_I should wake him. This is important._ He doesn't answer a second round of knocks leaving me to open the door slightly into a very dim room with pitiful lighting based around the floor where a person can only see where to walk; if just barely. That doesn't help with how the bunker is set up with there being no windows, forcing my eyes to strain and readjust in the sudden darkness. I can just barely make out his sleeping form in bed covered by what appears to be a really fluffy soft comforter. Near him is a nightstand where a pale light of a clock reads our current time to be near five in the afternoon. Jeez, is it that late already? I remain in the doorway, allowing my eyes to focus before daring to step inside. I can't help but give a sideways smirk at how he manages to remain perfectly pristine, yet has let himself go a little since the car chase. Something tells me that Rufus is still fighting to hold on to that last bit of perfection, desperate to have some leverage despite how hectic everything has become.

"Rufus," I call in an undertone, not wanting to wake him. The mass under his blanket doesn't move which makes me wonder whether I should wait, or venture further. I choose the latter, bringing my laptop to use as a flashlight in the dark to lead me through a maze of furniture.

With a gentleness not to disturb my male counterpart, I set my laptop on the bed, then crawl onto the queen size monstrosity of fluff and cushions. He sure knows comfort! I'm tempted to sink into the plushness, but hold back since this is Rufus' place and it would suit me better to either ask permission or take up residence on the couch.

"Sir…" I try again, daring not to touch him, which is in my best judgment when he instantly turns over to point his gun in my face. I give a small gasp at the cool barrel just barely touching my skin, holding myself in surrender in waiting for him to realize that it's only me. My eyes adjust even more, making out a slightly disgruntled expression while he places the gun back under his pillow. This makes me more aware of how he sleeps, his arms bare along with what else I manage to make out in the darkness. I realize that he's shirtless, causing heat to grace my skin since this is only the second time I've seen him as such. This leads to further thoughts of what could be hidden under the blankets.

_You know he could be... _My mind is tempted to wander off before I have a chance to fight back. Stop! You shouldn't be thinking about what he is and isn't wearing!

"You shouldn't do that, Elena. I have a tendency to shoot on instinct when I'm asleep," he warns with a tired tone.

"Sorry, Sir."

"Elena."

"Sorry!" I squeak out at his reminder of no formalities. He's let me get away with it today up to this point. Though it's possibly because he didn't see much reason in reprimanding me with how much of an exhausting day it's been. I turn to my computer, dragging it closer and catching how my superior winces at the bright light emitting from the screen before he rubs his eyes to adjust to the molestation.

"I've run the simulations like you asked, but…"

"Yes?"

"Well… look for yourself…" I turn the screen closer to him, pressing '_enter_' so that he can watch all the different possibilities, a grimace forming in the monitor light. I knew he wasn't going to like it.

"You're sure nothing could be changed?"

I shake my head, knowing that there's nothing better than this. "All of them show a very minimal possibility that anyone in the area would survive. I've run the diagnostics several times with different inputs, but these are our winners for the best outcomes."

"What were the others?" He sits up, revealing more bare skin, just as I suspected. I try my hardest not to be distracted and get back to the task at hand.

"Complete annihilation of the mountain side."

It's the grimmest prospect, I know. I don't like saying it any more than showing these results to my boss. He heaves a sigh, brushing his fingers through slightly mused hair then reaches out to shut the lid of my computer, thus bringing us into black, save the lights on the floor.

"You should get more sleep. You've been up too long for your own good. I doubt two hours is enough to keep you functional," his voice says amidst rustling sheets and blankets being rearranged.

"But, the simulations-"

"They can wait. Rest is more important for you, Elena. Now, are you joining me, or not? It's getting rather cold," he cuts me off, leaving me confused. The small voice in the back of my mind is cheering for the progress he's making. The one that normally tells me to kick myself. Great. This isn't what I wanted. He's far ahead of me, where I'm still flustered by seeing him without a shirt.

"I-I shouldn't," I stumble over my words in a blind search for my computer. The smart thing for me to do is to get out of here and stick with my original option of sleeping on the couch.

"You believe that I would allow you to continue sleeping on a couch despite your injuries still healing? I'm not that cruel."

_Oh, yes you are..._ I counter in my mind, knowing that he wouldn't do this on the mere fact that he wants to. I swallow hard, my face feeling like a furnace at his words of climbing into bed with him and I'm sure I'm glowing like a fiery beacon. This would be crossing a line I shouldn't even dream of crossing, that Rufus himself knows better than to suggest.

"I can't," I whisper, afraid to overstep my bounds.

_What do you mean you can't?! _ _You'll get some better rest than on the couch!_ _Besides! Your ribs are screaming for mercy!_ They're taking so long to heal; I doubt sometimes that they ever will. I still hold my ground against both the voice in my head and Rufus, sitting still amongst the softness of a bed calling to me.

"Elena, do you ever wonder perhaps I don't prefer my own company in bed every once in a while?"

My face feels as if it's on fire and I dare my thoughts not to travel in the suggestive direction I think this conversation is going.

"I've never…" I stumble over my words again, failing to get my point across.

"I've told you before that I'm a decent man. I'm not suggesting anything, if that is what you're afraid of." My throat loosens slightly at his words and allowing me to relax the tiniest bit. Rufus' hand grasps my wrist to lead me closer to him and under the mass of very plush blankets. I'm forced to follow his lead in getting comfortable enough to revel in the warmth of his body heat despite the gap between us. His fingers brush mine, making a daring jump in entwining with a squeeze while sleep pulls me under. Rufus' bed is far too comfortable; it should be a sin to be able to sleep here. Scratch that. It most definitely is. Our fingers remain laced, lying on the mattress between us, though somehow I know I'm not going to wake up the same way later on.

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><p><strong><em>Whoo hoo hoo... Rufus you sly devil, you. No, for those of you wondering whether anything happens between them, I assure you it doesn't. It's way too early in the story for anything like that. I think perhaps it may be nearing time to make this an M rated fic with how many suggestive themes there will be eventually.<em>**

**_As always, let me know what you think about this. And as for lurkers, I know you be lurking! Throw me a PM or a review! I don't bite, I promise._**


	7. A Distance There Is

_**A/N: Hey! Wow, I managed an update in under a month this time! I know I promised that I would update during the break and I'm sorry. Well, here it is and I hope you enjoy it! Also I would like to thank my friend Violet's Veil for helping me edit and come up with a new story title for this piece of mine and you awesome reviewers out there for keeping me in high enough spirits to go on despite the troubles of school. So that will be happening with Chapter Eight's publishing sometime later. Alright I'll let you guys read.**_

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><p>Chapter VII: A Distance There Is<p>

I sniff taking in the scents all around me, of warm cotton and clean sheets. Another scent overpowers all others; that of the man lying next to me. My conscious becomes more and more aware of what's happened before falling asleep. My arm squeezes smooth skin and receives a quiet grunt as response from the other person. This makes me wake up with the new realization that I am indeed not in bed alone. However my mind still hasn't figured out with whom. Their arm is wrapped around me, giving a slight squeeze when they move to get closer. That's when their scent hits me and I know who my groggy still-asleep mystery person is. I've been around him for the last nearly three weeks straight, but this is the first time we've ever shared a bed. My eyes flutter open with sleepiness to face the man of whose chest I'm lying upon, leg slung across his waist. _I've gotten too comfortable…_ I reprimand myself instantly at being so close to him. This should not be allowed! He should have not let me sleep here with him!

I'm afraid of being hurt if he continues showing me affection, then pretending I don't exist. It's a hard pill to swallow. The thought bothers me of him pretending as if nothing ever happened when we end up going back to the company. However, I don't know why it bothers me so much. Why should I care so much about what he does? Why does he have this effect on me? I glance up to Rufus' sleeping face, peaceful from the day's madness. It might be good to pull away now and pretend I was never even here. I try it by pulling my arm closer to my body and receive a heavy inhale at the movement. His grip tightens around my waist, drawing me closer against him. His fingers dance feather light leaving a tingling which I'm slowly getting used to. I shift away from Rufus and the warmth he provides, only resulting in waking him.

"Sleep well," he asks in a groggy tone still full of drowsiness. I groan in response, since I'm not very awake myself. A firm grip tightens around my thigh when I try to move away, pulling it closer as if it's a security blanket.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't move."

I swallow hard, not sure of what context he means that in. I'm not so sure I want to know. His next question has me heating up again to my real reason for having fallen asleep in his bed.

"How are your ribs?"

"Uh, fine… They're still a bit sore, but it's nothing I can't deal with," I answer in a quiet tone while a light touch traces across those sore areas. I wish he would stop. It's distracting! In the dim light I can make out a smirk which lets me know that he's doing this intentionally. Just as when he ran his fingers along my lower back the day before yesterday. That seems like forever ago with how much has happened since. _Geez, has it really only been less than three weeks since Tseng gave us orders? _It feels impossible that time could pass so quickly, yet not at all. He gains this opportunity to give my side a squeeze before leaning closer, bracing both arms over me to whisper in my ear: "What is it that you're so afraid of, Elena? You've spent the last two weeks around me, yet still you seem nervous. There must be some reason."

_Yeah. I'm afraid of becoming close to you!_ My thoughts are in overdrive of how many ways I can answer his question. There is one floating in my still sleepy brain somewhere, but to remain safe I opt not to answer. I find it easier to breathe again when he pulls away from me, the pressure on the mattress disappearing.

"I don't know," I admit timidly. It's still difficult for me to move from the sudden act of intimacy. Rufus isn't giving me much to work with, leaving me to draw my own conclusions. Seriously! What does he expect me to do? Admit that there might be something? I've already done that; if not by mistake. How am I supposed to readily accept his behavior of being so intimate, and then pretending there is nothing to give? I don't understand any of this! It's an act. It has to be. Rufus wouldn't make these advances if he didn't see some benefit from it. I try convincing myself of this fact despite kicking myself. A part of me is now thoroughly convinced that Rufus really isn't trying to mind-fuck me hard then leave me in a ditch somewhere. I however, know that's exactly how he plays these games of his. I've seen it too many times with other co-workers in the company. I choose to ignore it, snuggling back into the warm confines of my superior's bed and catching a rustle of clothing across the room.

"You're my boss," I mutter fighting drowsiness. "You shouldn't be doing the things you are doing even if we are in hiding." _Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth now!_ Great! Once again I've become the victim to my own half asleep remarks.

"Don't you think I should be the judge of my actions?"

"Well yes, but…"

"Then it's settled. Now, would you mind running the diagnostics again so that we know exactly what we're dealing with?"

My jaw clenches in a small part of my own desperation to keep the current conversation going. Right now, I'm more concerned with knowing what his answer might be. I on the other hand am a bit curious in knowing whether he's doing this just because he can, or if he has some alternative motive in mind. I still haven't figured out which. I drag my laptop close to me, setting it on my lap while I use a portion of Rufus' very fluffy comforter as a pillow seeing as my original one is nowhere in sight. I start it up, wincing and hissing against the bright screen that is the other thing persistent in waking me up.

Another minute passes before my boss rejoins me on his bed. He sits cross legged with a pillow in his lap. From the screen light I can pick out a white tee shirt and dark jeans that he's decided to wear. A smirk plays on the corner of his lip. Tseng wouldn't be happy if he had seen how I woke up. Or even if he finds out that Rufus and I have so much as shared a bed. He would take that to mean something more than what my boss had in mind. Heat rises in my cheeks at a possibility of there being more between him and me, but I quickly shove all thoughts in that context away. There's no way that he would ever let that happen. Rufus is still too distant for a relationship. I couldn't handle that kind of aloofness. Despite his dragging me under, I'm trying to remain distant. If I can stay as far away from him emotionally as possible, I feel like I have a steady grasp on my life and what could happen. Rufus is fighting the better half of my judgment with all his small flirtatious gestures and intimate moments that he dares to show me in private. I shouldn't be thinking about this anymore. I have work to concentrate on.

My fingers tap away at the keys to allow me access to the previous simulations that I had created earlier. I then pass my computer over to him and curl back up into my nest of blankets. I'm still tired. _Maybe he won't notice if I go back to sleep… _I toy with the prospect, testing my theory by burying my face in warmth to hide it from the abusive light coming from the computer screen. Rufus pats my shoulder, calling me back to the world of the living with a groan. I have no inclination of moving, only shifting my position slightly which has my companion give a short laugh before patting my shoulder again.

"Five more minutes…" _And please let them be long_.

"We have work to do, Elena. The nap we took has already set us back a few hours. Wasn't it you who said you would gain an advantage on those after us?"

_Oh, I did say that, didn't I? Crap!_ Another groan escapes in response, hating the fact that waking up means I have to experience another emotional roller coaster ride with Rufus just to go along with all other difficulties. Being a Turk is exhausting. I stretch my body out over the bed, where my hands grab the first thing they make contact with. My eyes meet dark sapphire when I glance up. Heat creeps through my skin at my hand placement upon his thigh. Well, isn't this awkward. I quickly pull my hands back to hide under the blankets. He gives me a quirk of a smile and I feel like hiding forever. I really need to stop getting myself into these kinds of situations.

"You think I would be concerned with hand placement after the position you woke up in," he asks causing me to feel that much more embarrassed about my actions. After our argument in Kalm, he's been more attentive to how I act around him. That only makes everything so much more awkward.

"We should probably leave soon to go check out the reactor…" I use this as a distraction to get the subject off of me for once.

"That would be a good idea," he agrees much to my relief. Rufus closes my laptop, passing it back to me while I sit up. I fix my shirt and bra in the process of him leaving to turn on a light that instantly abuses my eyes.

"Let's get ready. I don't doubt that there will be a confrontation. It would be wise if we prepare for it." I wince at the bright light overhead, bringing the closest blanket up to cover my eyes. After a minute of pitch black, I spot Rufus running his fingers through his hair and standing in front of what I can slightly make out to be shelves with different kinds of gadgetry as well as firearms in his closet. He tosses me a palm pilot, which I manage to catch in both hands and look over. Like everything else he owns; it's in pristine condition.

"Upload the reactor's documents to that. They could be useful while we're inside."

So, it's back to work again. I should never expect these intimate moments to last long. I know better than to keep hoping that perhaps he'll show a little more than what he does. Though, I'm still fighting with myself to keep him at arm's length. I heave a sigh, my thoughts drifting off slightly to what I may be doing right now if Tseng hadn't ordered me to remain in hiding with Rufus. I'd probably be pushing papers and helping my partner hold up the company. There's no doubt that Reno would yet find reasons to poke fun at me and Rude would remain the wise one by keeping to himself. None of this would have happened between Rufus and me. There would have been no dates. No flirting. Nothing that would have made me feel all of this and secretly wish for some kind of physical contact with him. There would have been no flare of excitement every time he brushes his fingers lightly across my skin. My life would be as close to normal as it could get, almost boring. But it would never have been like this with Rufus.

"Here." He calls me back to reality, causing me to give him a questionable glance at what he has in his hand.

"It may be more useful than the ones issued at the company." I take the Revolver, not expecting it to be quite as heavy where I need to hold it with both hands. I swallow hard at the thought of having to use this on someone. The heavy weight to it means that the recoil is powerful. I could easily be knocked back if I'm not careful. As for the other guy… He won't have anything left of that body part if I pull the trigger.

The Magnum's black matte finish gives an illusion that the gun has been dipped in ink and dried. It's so dark that it seems to have an otherworldly effect on the eyes. There aren't any chips in the paint that I can make out, which means that this gun is definitely not one anyone else has touched. He would trust me with such a weapon? I wouldn't even trust myself with something like this. Being as careful as physically possible, I set the gun to cradle in my lap before I'm handed a cord to connect the palm pilot to my computer. In the meantime, my boss removes items from shelves to lie near me on the bed that he deems useful. I connect the device to my laptop, initiating the upload process of the reactor's documents. I even make the bold move of uploading Zero's documents as well just in case the bunker is infiltrated and everything destroyed while we're gone. It'll be safer to have the documents with us. After the upload is complete, I terminate the files on my computer knowing that they would be the first thing anyone is looking for.

_We'll never be safe_. The words ring out in the back of my mind, yet I attempt at not allowing myself to be convinced by them. I know we're not safe. I'm not however, allowing myself to be seduced by a false sense of security.

"Is everything almost ready," Rufus asks just as I disconnect the palm pilot and slip it into my front pocket. I catch him holstering a shiny silver revolver of his own on one side and a semi-auto on the other underneath a dark blue blazer he must have picked up earlier. I switch to sitting on my knees and tucking the gun he gave me into the back waistband of my jeans. The cool metal against my skin sends a chill down my spine while I hide the grip under my shirt.

"Yeah," I answer climbing off of his bed to fetch my Desert Hound jacket. _Let's get this over with_.

XxXxX

The streets are bright and busy with nightlife. Everyone seems to be on the move somewhere or another, which allows us to blend in perfectly with the crowd. No one would notice that we happen to be armed. Or that we're going down to the Underwater Reactor. Rufus takes a firm grip of my hand before making our way through the throng of people as to not get separated. That wouldn't be good for us in any case, especially now. Besides, why have people suddenly decided to go out and be social? They couldn't have picked a worse night.

We make our way to the back streets that lead to the Underwater Reactor. I take out the Palm Pilot from my pocket and run through the scans while waiting for the elevator. It's been programmed to detect any changes in the reactor, but so far everything seems fine. My superior takes out a card key to grant us access, then pushes me along to board the elevator ahead of him. I hate elevators. I hate the confinement that is forced upon me, like in the Dragonfly… I should tell him about that dream.

_Would now really be a good time?_ I guess not. I force myself to let the topic go. Rufus squeezes my hand slipping something into my palm and closing my fingers around it tightly. The metal bites into my skin with his grip on my fist, making me wince. He steps in front of me, sapphire eyes even more menacing than normal. _Oh, gods…_

I force down a lump in my throat that's keeping me nervous of what he's going to propose I do. Maybe I don't want to know.

"If anything happens, leave. Get yourself out of the reactor."

"But," I interject, my brow furrowing at his request. I don't like him telling me this. I can't agree with his plans, whatever they may be.

"Elena, I shouldn't have to repeat myself." His sapphire eyes take on a darker hue that calls for no arguments. Rufus' decision is final and I have no choice but to do it. I can see it in his eyes that nothing will get me out of it. I can't even use Tseng's orders as an excuse! We both know the outcome if the reactor melts down. No one will survive. I can't see him making it out of this no matter how many ways I try to bend the possibilities in our favor and I hate it. It's impossible.

_Nothing's impossible_, I tell myself. I'm not so sure this logic is trustworthy in this case. I can't disobey Tseng, either! Why am I always caught between two superiors with different orders? I know Rufus has a higher command status than my partner, but still. I made a promise and I'm not about to break it.

Rufus holds me with his icy gaze intent on not letting me free until I obey. I can't. I can't allow him to risk himself. And for what? To prove a point that whoever is after him will stop afterward? I doubt this notion with every fiber of my being. I'm not going to disobey Tseng no matter what Rufus may say. However, I have no choice in obeying him, either. Is this elevator ride over with? I would like to get off now and not be cornered. He knows I'm averse to disobeying orders even though I do it sometimes. So, why is he making me do this? I have a feeling that I already know the answer. Rufus knows I can't. He knows that I won't let myself leave him down here if things get bad. I can feel the color drain from my face, my skin becoming colder with further thought that this is my only option. I keep telling myself that there's no way I'm going to do it. I plead for him not to make me through the eye contact he hasn't broken in waiting for my answer. I don't trust myself to speak and breathing is becoming more difficult. I can feel myself slowly crumble under it. A burning behind my eyes is having the effect I don't want. I shake my head in response to his order and to fight the oncoming tears that mean I feel more than I'm allowed. My voice comes out as a whine in protest which is better than what's going on inside my head. His hand gives mine a squeeze, reminding me that there's something encased there. I wince in response, biting my bottom lip in determination not to cry in front of him. I've already done it once and he's tolerated it. He won't do the same a second time.

"I… I can't, Rufus. I promised Tseng that I would bring you back to the company." I get all of it out in one breath before I'm back to biting my lip. It's a battle I'm losing epically.

Why I've let Rufus affect me like this, I don't know. I'm starting to care for him too much. Or, that's what Tseng would say and warn me against any further advance. I hate myself for not being able to ward my emotions better than I have been doing. I hate Rufus for dragging me down like this. What he's telling me to do has to be the most difficult order I've received from him. How does he expect me to this after all the time we've spent together? Perhaps my conscience is right. A part of me really wants to get closer to him. If I hadn't allowed myself to tolerate his flirting and secretly hope for more, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't feel like this. I wouldn't be this torn by what he's making me do.

I shake my head again. There's no way I'm going to leave him down there by himself if things get bad.

"Elena, you have to do this." The metal pieces dig deeper into my palm, forcing another wince out of me along with a whimper.

"Elena." His voice rises in slight irritation of my stubbornness. My teeth clamp down harder on the inside of my lip leaving an aftertaste of copper. He's making this so much harder than it should be! Finally, I force myself to look away; not being able to handle the ice in his eyes. It hurts. He'll never forgive me for backing out of this, if I do. And I hate him for forcing it upon me. I sniff away any sign that shows I'm upset, just as he takes his hand from around mine to lift my chin back up. I grimace in response; a mixture of anger, fear and hurt showing through when I look at him again. I hope he can see how much I'm resisting. Rufus gives a small smirk in response, showing that he's glad we've reached an understanding. However, his eyes are of the coldest ice blue I have ever seen.

XxXxX

I stuff what he's given me in my front pocket to not get lost among the fray I know could possibly be expecting us. We walk side by side down the hall, not daring to touch each other. It's as if a barrier has been placed between us. I keep my concentration on the palm pilot which has yet to show anything on this floor.

_He's still watching you…_ I ignore my conscience. Why should I care what it says about Rufus? It's not like it'll help me get out of this any. Even so, I can't help but sneak a glance in his direction every once in a while and secretly wish our eyes would meet. When they finally do, I direct mine away out of shyness. I shouldn't be playing this game with him! This isn't high school anymore. It's work. I shouldn't be thinking about him quite as much as I happen to be. Or, for that matter, in the way I happen to be thinking about him recently.

I follow my superior onto the lift, moving to the controls for a much needed distraction. Right now I welcome anything that can get my mind off of Rufus. I heave a sigh, brushing a few strands of hair behind my ear and turning back to my palm pilot. There's still nothing, which has me troubled. They can't have mastered masking their presence on our scanners in such a short time, unless they've been working on it!

"Elena." My boss' voice calls my attention and bringing me to be even more alert. I sniff again to keep the last bits of myself from falling apart. I thought I've already been able to pull it together enough. I guess not.

"Yeah," I answer in a cracked tone. My throat is still dry from the tears I've been trying to hold back.

"Don't allow your emotions to hinder your objective. Understood?" _Gods, his voice is so cold…_ I give a nod in response since I still can't bring myself to look at him. What's wrong with me? Then again, if I do, I might become more prone to doing something stupid. I swallow hard hoping that he won't ask any more questions. Every possible thing that could go wrong runs amok in my mind. Yet, with the seconds that pass by slowly, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep myself together as we get closer to the bottom of the shaft. Scenes of Rufus' possible death haunt me to no end. By now I've already worn through the first layer of skin with my teeth, only making the coppery taste in my mouth stronger. It's not helping me any by thinking about the _what if's_ right now. I should just do as Rufus says like I normally would on a mission. It's harder and harder to stick with what I _should_ do as opposed to what I _want_ to do.

The jolt from the elevator stopping brings me back to the here and now. This feels like a card game; if I play my hand right, no one would have to suffer and everything would be okay. That's what I want to tell myself. However, if the same thing happens here like in Reactor Zero, Rufus and I have to remain more cautious than ever. And if there are also explosives in this reactor, we're screwed. I keep a few paces ahead of Rufus as we walk down the dimly lit corridor. It's silent except for a low hum and the occasional water dripping from a pipe somewhere in the distance. I glance down to the map I have open for navigation wondering what could possibly have Tseng on alarm since there haven't been any readings. Unless this is exactly like the incident Reno and I have experienced in Zero. I hate my job sometimes.

My teeth grind each other while I'm distracting myself with the palm pilot. I don't even notice the upcoming wall until Rufus takes me by the arm and pulls me out of harm's way. I've been concentrating too hard on one thing alone with no regard to anything else. Great. I'm beginning to fail more and more epically. A grimace forms in embarrassment of having him save me from becoming a mark on the wall and possibly burning my face against white hot pipes. He gently leads me back in the right direction since I refuse to look at him. His grip loosens just inside the tunnel entrance, where I glance up at the sudden silence. I've grown accustom to the quite hum inside the last passage, that this feels odd. We stand just outside the set of metal doors facing what I find to be the most gorgeous thing Junon has to offer in a city so ugly with industrialization. A smile finds itself to my lips despite me trying to fight it. In here, I can't. The beauty of this place has won me over. For a moment, I stand still just admiring the deep sapphire water rippling overhead with the current above us. The moon plays with its creation of patterns against the floor from its reflection, which has a somewhat calming effect. I love how this place never has the need for artificial light. For once in what feels like forever, I don't feel as stressed.

That moment is shattered when I catch the echo of heavy footsteps against the cement floor. _So, they were here after all._ I pass off the now frantically blinking navigation file to Rufus, which shows multiple life forms in our immediate area. I knew they must have been hiding! I shed off my fur jacket, dropping it carelessly to the floor. The gun Rufus has given me falls with a soft thud among the nest of fur, knowing that using it would be too risky in an area like this. This gives me a chance I haven't been able to take advantage of in a while. I crack my knuckles, readying my hands for some abuse that has been overdue to my displeasure. I dare myself to glance back at Rufus with my own cold smile. He wastes no time in noticing how much a smile so similar to his own doesn't suit me and sends back a darkening scowl. I know that he wants to stop me. However, I shove my conscience down to where I can't be bothered. I don't need the bickering right now. What I need is to feel bone crunch under my fist.

If Rufus wants me to not let my emotions get in the way, then that's what I'll do. I walk away from where my superior stands near the door, preparing myself for the challenge. A taller man stands in my path with a similar build to Rude, but not quite. This man will fall hard with no control under his belt. He's not as agile as my fellow Turk and it shows. I launch at him, propelled by a force to take him down in one hit. My fist connects with his stomach, forcing the brute to double over, where I waste no time in knocking him out with a hard hit to the back of his neck. Five more men replace the one that's fallen. _This isn't going to be easy. I'm surrounded_. I realize that taking them all out one after the other would be time consuming and that's something we don't have. My jaw clenches in anticipation, mind racing through a number of strategies before being interrupted by the sound of gun fire. A series of three shots ring out, snapping me out of my daze. My eyes drift back to catch Rufus holding his gun in my direction, aimed at the men standing behind me. Each of them fall clutching some part of their body that hasn't been vital. I manage a sigh of relief at the thought of my boss having my back. Turning to the men in front of me, I deliver a swift blow to the jaw of the man standing directly ahead, making him unbalanced. His companion tries to do the same, which I easily dodge and return with a kick that knocks him backward. Just as I'm turning to take on the third person, I feel my body twist in the opposite direction from a hard blow to my jaw and catch something that sounds similar to "Shin-Ra dog!". That's not surprising since there are so many people who hate us. In fact, I've gotten quite used to the derogatory term over the years. I just happen to be proving their point by being here with Rufus. The force of the hit causes me to stumble a few paces, giving me a chance to recover. My hand reaches for the throbbing mass, wiping away what blood there is leaking from the corner of my mouth. There's going to be a bruise later, I know it.

"Hasn't your mother ever taught you it's impolite to hit a lady?!"

Protecting my ribs from being further injured, I carefully plan my hits and anticipate when to block. With a few more punches against this brute, I manage to weaken him by taking my elbow and knocking the wind out of him. He hits the ground with a hard thud. His body is added to the growing number of others in my path of destruction. I shake out my hands from trying to cramp themselves. It's true I shouldn't be fighting without something protecting them. Tifa would cringe right now. My knuckles are scraped and bloody from how much I'm abusing them. The pain is finally seeping through.

Just as I'm catching my breath, a blow catches me off guard from behind, knocking me to the ground. I wince against a shot of agony spreading through my ribs from the impact. This is just what I've been trying to avoid! I roll out of the way just in time to witness what could have become of my head. My eyes widen in shock at the cracked pavement, daring to drift up to the owner of whomever that punch belongs to. _Where's Rufus when I need him!?_ I struggle to my feet, forcing down the lump in my throat at the thought of my superior being tied up in his own confrontation. This man isn't very tall, but he's strong. That has me a little worried. My ribs retaliate from my moving out of reach of this guy's brass knuckles. I really have no desire to become paint on the floor. The hit he gave to my back has me wincing in a hunched position, leaning against the glass for support. Not even Rude has hit me like that when we've sparred. That doesn't fool me into thinking that he's not capable of it. After a few more seconds of recovery, I decide to try at taking the initiative. My palm meets his chin and forces him back. He grabs my arm with both hands, pushing me against the ground. My only instinct is to kick, so I do. I kick him in the lower abdomen with enough force to throw him off of me, and then climb atop of his sprawled body and punch. There is no way I'm going to let him get off easy! He reaches for my shirt, ripping it when I tear away from him and give a final blow to knock him unconscious. I'm all riled up now with adrenalin rushing through my veins like wild fire.

I take a few more deep breaths, wheezing from energy spent along with my once again fractured ribs. The only downfall to being a Turk is there aren't enough sick days to register time needed for healing. My body slumps against the wall, ears ringing against gunshots echoing throughout the hall. Geez, it feels like we're having a war down here! I close my eyes against a pounding migraine that threatens to make me pass out. A light touch to my shoulder brings me back. Rufus is standing beside me looking much better than I would have expected. He still has no signs of injury anywhere, which often throws me off in thinking that he's not completely human.

"You shouldn't overdo it-"

"Who are you to tell me not to overdo anything?" I brush his hand from my shoulder, giving a heavy sigh at my words. I shouldn't have done that. Rufus isn't responsible for my injuries. He didn't toss me to the wolves. I walked into that den all on my own. Sometimes I hate the way my words don't come out right.

"I can handle myself." It's the only thing I can think of to say in covering my slip of the tongue. My eyes catch a flash of what I can only make to be slight hurt before resorting to his natural distant expression. _Have I made him falter? Really?! Since when have I been able to do that?_ I watch him for a moment waiting to see if anything else would slip, but nothing happens. He feels more distant than before.

Taking me aback, Rufus pulls me closer to him. His fingers trace over the tears in my shirt, causing chills to run down my spine at the feeling. _What is he up to?_ He makes the tear wider, eventually ripping the whole bottom half and leaving me speechless. My jaw drops at his urgency. I glare at him while he in turn holds a steady gaze with me. _There had better be a very good reason behind this._ I can't even think of anything to say!

"At least you can keep your dignity." _What?! After what you've just done?!_ He shrugs off his blazer and holds it out for me to take. I glance down at it, then up to him. _What does he want me to do with that after ruining my clothes?_ I don't understand him. He doesn't do this kind of thing. I take it begrudgingly, catching a smirk while I slip it on. He's up to something. He takes my hand, tugging me in close enough to whisper but doesn't say anything. I let him smooth his hands over worn away skin. He takes the strip of cloth, tearing it in half and wrapping one around my hand that is in his grasp. I wince against the sting hitting my skin while he secures the makeshift bandage, moving on to my other hand.

"It won't do much, but let it count for something," he whispers in my ear. His lips brush against my bruised cheek, resting slightly and leaving a tingling sensation. I'm still at a loss for words; heat rising from the contact. He turns away from me in the direction of where trouble faces us head on.

I swallow my fear, watching the moonlit water play patterns against his white dress shirt as he draws his gun and walks ahead of me with calmness. _This is why he's dangerous, _I realise, seeing him as if for the first time. He makes everything so difficult sometimes! I want to throttle him. I want to kiss him. _Wait! What!? Where did that come from and why did I think about it?_ My teeth find my lip. What am I going to do?! Can I go against his order deliberately to save him? It could work. There's a chance that it might. My feet pound against the pavement towards the reactor where he was headed. I don't care about rules anymore. I don't care what he says. I'm going to get him out of here. Every part of my body screams at me, when I finally catch sight of him. I call out to him just as the walls begin caving in. A series of simultaneous detonations make it difficult to reach him. He's just a few yards away! I race through showering glass, water and metal in order to reach my superior. My arms shield my face despite it being clear that I'm not going to make it. They're still too far! I try anyway, being faced with an ever growing wall in my path. I can still make out Rufus firing shots at whomever's nearby, catching a glimpse of someone with deep violet hair being held at gunpoint. My throat grows dry. I call out to Rufus again and he hears me this time. A smirk greets me, turning back to his opponent. I know them! I would know that hairstyle anywhere! But why is she of all people down here? If she really is the person I'm thinking of.

The blockade is complete before I have a chance to do anything. Why were they just standing there?! I call out again. Rufus won't answer. I know this, yet I had to try. I drop to my knees hating how close, yet how far away I have been. It's not fair! My body doubles over to the floor, hands clenching to fists. I pound against broken glass and shards of metal, which embed themselves in soft flesh and make my hands uglier in a concoction of blood and water. I can't believe this! A scream of frustration escapes from my already parched throat for what I've lost. I lost him. I've failed as a Turk in protecting the one person I let be near me. How could everything become so fucked up in a matter of seconds?! I was so close! So damn close!

"How could you…" My words escape as an angry whisper to nothingness. Somewhere deep inside a part of me hopes in vain that Rufus could hear me. Cool liquid puddles around me, leaking through the debris. If I don't leave soon, I'll be flooded with the rest of the tunnel. I can't. I didn't want to leave him in the first place. Despite wanting to stay, I force myself to my feet. With one hand I brush away a relentless burn of tears behind my eyes. With the other, I hold myself while walking slowly back towards the entrance. _Why am I crying?_ I snatch up my coat from the floor, Rufus' gun clattering against the pavement. I stare at it for a moment before picking it up, too. At least I can still grant his request. I can still follow his order in leaving as much as I don't want to. To save myself. I feel like a coward for doing it. Even though I've been ordered to, it doesn't feel right. I should be the one under the rubble trying to save him instead of it being him lying there, _dead._ _Why does it hurt so much? Why do I care? Why has he changed me?_

The streets are still filled with people oblivious to what's happened about a mile underground. I hold myself in Rufus' blazer. His scent drenches it, sending a pang through me at the reminder of him. I've gotten so used to him being around. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't be feeling this way about my boss. But I can't help it. He's managed to throw me for a loop and he's not even here! I'm angry at myself for not trying harder. If I moved quicker I could have made it. If I pushed even more to get to him he would still be alive. That word: _alive_. It's never held so much weight before. A flash of red hair in the crowd catches my attention to glance off to the side. Reno and Rude sit at an outdoor café nursing whatever drinks they may have. I stop in the middle of the noisy crowd and watch them for a moment. They don't know what's happened either. They don't know that Rufus is dead and that I've failed both my mission and my promise. Rude tilts his head slightly at me, which calls attention to his partner. I stand still, letting them assess me in the oversized blazer and soaking jeans. Reno's brow furrows at my appearance. He's wondering what the hell happened and why I look like such a mess, also where Rufus might be. I'm tempted to join them, but I don't. I can't bear to tell them. Sticking to Tseng's orders, I move on, getting lost in the crowd to save myself from interrogation. _Running. Again._

Once back at the bunker, my fingers fumble with the keys in my pocket. I end up dropping them several times before getting my hands to cooperate with unlocking the door. Nothing's ever been as hard as this. I almost can't stand myself! I close the door behind me and sink down to the floor. Everything that I've been holding back to keep myself sane, unleashes in an emotional breakdown. Half of me keeps saying that everything's okay; that Rufus isn't dead. The other half counters with logic that this wasn't supposed to happen. While my two halves bicker at each other in my mind, I curl into a ball against the door and burst into tears.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Questions for all! Is the suspense killing you? I kid! Do you think Inner Elena right in saying that Rufus isn't dead? What about that almost kiss? Sweet, wasn't it? How do you think Elena's going to deal with her now intensifying feelings for Rufus? Do you think she'll look for him? What about the fight scene? Let me know! I'm itching to hear what you have to say! So review please! They help with all the plot bunnies multiply and keep it going. And Lurkers! Stop lurkin'! I'd like to hear from you guys too even if it might be a few words! :D**_

_**-Matri**_


	8. Realizations That Come With Searching

**_A/N: Oh my... I am so sorry for such a late update! I wasn't expecting it to take this long, I swear! Well, let's see. I had finals to prepare for, then I came home. Then I had to puppy-sit from mid May to just this last week. So I haven't been able to sit down and work on this thoroughly. I'm glad to say that all the craziness in my life has died down a bit for the time being. In that case I should have the next chapter posted before mid July. Well, that's all I have to say about that. You may have noticed that I changed the story title. Let me know what you think. =) I know this is a boring chapter, but it'll prove relevant in the future._**

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><p>Chapter VIII: Realizations That Come With Searching<p>

Everything I do feels like clockwork. As if it's a routine I should stick to, like back at the company. Only this time, there's no work. Not with Rufus being absent. I can't say that he's MIA yet. I haven't even begun to search for him. Therefore I can't make any conclusions as to whether he's alive or not. I can't reach him at all by calling. His phone is off which leaves me only to think upon what my options are. Either he's really dead, or he's playing it safe. Knowing him, the latter is something he would do. The thought rekindles a dimming glimmer of hope and forces me to move. I groan from aching ribs, sitting up from the spot where I have been laying for the past few hours. My body's still all different types of sore from losing myself in the Underwater Reactor. I grimace at my childish display of emotion. _What was it that made me act like that? _I examine the many cuts on my still wrapped hands. The makeshift bandages are soaked through with blood, and glass shards litter the surface, some embedded in skin. Blood speckles the sleeves of Rufus' blazer which I'm still wearing. For some reason I can't find it in me to take it off yet. Something inside tells me that if I do, the last connection I had with him will be lost, and I don't want to do that.

I give a sideways smile at the irony of being injured every time I begin healing from a previous wound. I reach for my throbbing cheek being reminded of what Rufus had done earlier while we were in the tunnel.

_He kissed me there._ Heat spreads throughout my face from remembering. _No he didn't_, I counter_. It was just a brush of his lips. That was nothing._ I search for a logical explanation to his public display of affection. There has to be one. Rufus would never do something like that out of nowhere. He wouldn't show affection in the open at all. The only thing he dared to do in public was hold my hand, and even that's minor. My skin burns at the reminder of what he had been doing. The way his lips rested against my cheek wasn't long enough to count as a kiss!

_Oh yes it was. Momentary or not, he did it._ Pain flashes through my jaw when I clench hard. This can't be!

My thoughts are a whirlwind of mayhem; disastrous. This should be the end. It's not. I cover my face with my hands, letting out a whiny "no, no, no.." What's going on with me? Nothing is logical at all. As much as I try to make sense of it; there's nothing that can explain any of this except one reason. I try not to think about that one thing. Instead I think of other things with an attempt towards logic. What I did in the reactor, I did based on practicality. Who wouldn't run after someone to stop them from their own stupidity? However, was it his, or my own? Why had the thought occurred to kiss him? Why did I have that sudden urge? It's all wrong! I shouldn't be feeling this way. I need an outlet and there isn't one. I should put these thoughts where they can't see the light of day again.

_Haven't you done that enough? Do we need an intervention?_ I'll have to face my intervention later; after I find Rufus. I'll have to believe my gut feeling on this one no matter how many times I fight it. My conscience may be right about Rufus still being alive. However, I'm still apprehensive towards the logic of any affection he shows. It's probably just me. No, it is me. I can't stand how he pussyfoots around direct questions and changes the subject. He's so infuriating!

_Yet, you want to kiss him…_

How could I want that? Now that the thought has crossed my mind, it won't leave. The recurrence of it will bug me until I do something. The day I sum up enough courage to make such a bold advance on Rufus will be the day gods fall from the sky like stars.

A hiss escapes when I stand, and I reach to nurse my ribs. I suppose I really should give my body a break now that I have the opportunity. Rufus would prefer that I get some resting time before doing anything. But, I can't. My consciences' logic of him being alive somewhere is one I can deal with for the time being. It makes more sense than believing it when it says that I should trust Rufus and that there's something there. As much as I want to believe that and Rufus, there's a fine line that I'm terrified of crossing.

_"Always sticking to the rules, Canary. Live a little! Some danger's good for you!"_ I can practically hear Reno tell me to cross the boundaries that I don't want to cross. I have enough danger in this life to suit anyone in multiple lifetimes. I don't need more, but here I am. My feelings for Rufus aren't helping me any.

Now to search for him and get to my car unnoticed.

XxXxX

My ribs are screaming at me. My head is throbbing. My hands hurt. I'm tired. What adrenalin I had in the tunnel is wearing off, leaving me in a mess of my own creation. Again, I've tried to call Rufus' phone to no avail. He's still not answering. That man had better be alive! I'll be a whole 'nother level of pissed off if I find out Rufus has been killed in a tunnel collapse after surviving Diamond Weapon, and Meteorfall. My foot presses harder on the gas, speeding up towards the submarine docks. Knowing Rufus, he probably won't be there in order to draw attention away from himself. In the case that Reno, Rude, and Tseng have heard of the collapse.

I hit redial for the umpteenth time in an attempt to get through and still coming up short.

"Goddammit!" The frustration only makes me that much more nervous about Rufus not being alive. With that, I toss the phone behind me, not caring where it lands. His not answering is really beginning to grind on me. I feel like beating him against a brick wall when I find him! He has to know it's me calling, unless he somehow lost his phone. Which isn't impossible. It's one of the most possible things that could happen, and it would make more sense as why he hasn't been answering his phone. I heave a sigh. There's not much I can do except wait. Waiting. Someday my impatience is going to be the death of me.

A few more minutes of driving and I'm parked in the grass near the submarine docks. I kill the engine, leaning against the steering wheel in order to think of my next move. I can't go back to the Turks. That would ensure my death, if not Rufus' above all else. There's no way that Tseng could find out about this. I would be wrung and hung out to dry if he learns that I couldn't protect Rufus. I breathe out slowly, my ribs responding with agony. Despite my first priority being that I should heal myself, Rufus is at the top of my list. I can practically hear him barking at me to have my wounds treated. Slight amusement boils into anger at his orders in the tunnel.

I press myself into the steering wheel.

I don't want to think of that and his bandaging my hands as the last conversation we'll ever have. I hate thinking that his standing head on to face his foe, along with his retreating back, will be the last thing I'll ever see of him.

"Okay Elena, get a grip on yourself." My words come out as a whisper, as though it's all I'm capable of for now, while upon opening the car door and climbing out to get a breath of fresh air. The slight breeze does a bit of good for my senses and aching muscles. The heat in my face subsides slowly, determined to linger with thoughts of Rufus. As much as I'm allowing myself to admit that there's something more I feel for Rufus, I'll never be able to face him and say it. He would never accept anything from me, anyway. Perhaps he already knows how I feel deep down.

My devotion to go this far in searching for him could be defined as being in the job description. It's the same for all of us. If Rufus goes missing, we look for him. Granted, I'm angry, but I do miss him. Some.

_See? You knew it was there. You knew you didn't want to let go._ My conscience is really pressing this one, while I hop up onto the hood of my car. A shock speeds through my body. I lean against the windshield, feeling the coolness of the glass soak through my clothing as easy as water and I shiver. It might not be the greatest idea to wait out here for Rufus, but at least the stars can keep my thoughts off of wondering about what may and may not happen.

Is that what I'm doing? Holding on because I'm too afraid of letting go? Why does this scare me so much? I have no hope of answering these questions until Rufus shows up. If he does. There's no guarantee that he would even answer these questions of mine. He'll come back, though. Something tells me that he will. I glance down from my focus on flares of brilliant light to the dark sea ahead. It's the same color as Rufus' eyes if he were here. Really, what have I gotten myself into?

I take a glance at my watch, realizing that a few hours have passed and still nothing. The only thing that accompanies me in this silence is the gentle slosh of the tide against the dock's edge. Another sigh escapes, where I move to hold myself in the oversized jacket and cross my ankles to keep in the warmth. I put headphones in my ears in hopes that a little music would calm me down some before I end up blowing up in Rufus' face. I don't want that to be my greeting when he shows up. Then again, I kinda do. I can't deny it as much as I want to. Half of me is readying myself for a few comments heading in Rufus' direction, starting with how he expected me to carry out my duties in the Underwater Reactor after getting so close to me. Granted, it won't get me anywhere. In fact, it might make matters worse.

I need my mom or my sister. They would know what to do with this problem I'm having. I miss them. I miss them a lot. If they could see the trouble I've gotten myself into now, what would they say? A giggle escapes at the thought of my mom having Rufus in a headlock and my sister rolling up her sleeves. They would demand of me all the things I have done with him, even down to the nitty-gritty. Then they would interrogate him. The image is so ludicrous; it almost seems real and has me in a laughing fit. I regret it when my ribs protest and have me hugging them even tighter than before, followed an endless string of hacking coughs.

I continue waiting while giving time for the pain to subside. I slip off the hood of my car, turning towards the lavender and pink horizon just behind the mountains. It's morning already and no sign of him. I'm slightly discouraged at this notion, deciding that perhaps it might not hurt to wait a few more hours for him. I might as well make an effort in getting some of these wounds healed later on. I guess if he does show up, he'll call. I better keep my phone on me.

_Maybe he's making sure it's safe before contacting you_, a thought passes through my mind. It wouldn't be wrong. Rufus could be waiting for the clear before deciding to do anything. For all I know, he could be in hiding somewhere no one would suspect. Perhaps I should wait a few more days to continue my search. It's not really what I want to do, but it would definitely be the smarter. I've acted on my own personal feelings enough and this is how far it's gotten me. The smack dab of nowhere and conflicted beyond redemption.

I hate my life sometimes.

XxXxX

It's now near noon and there's still no sign of Rufus anywhere. Not even a call. A sigh escapes at the thought. It's probably better for me to leave and try to be productive in something rather than stay and be targeted. I lean my forehead against the steering wheel and stifle a yawn. I'm so tired. I could really use a nap.

_Maybe by some chance of luck, Reeve might know something_. I don't know why that idea popped into my mind, but it's at least something. We've been on okay terms with him and the WRO so far. What could it hurt to get a little information? I start the engine, directing my car in the direction of the WRO in order to talk to Reeve. This could be a huge mistake on my part, for taking the chance of being exposed. Then again, hardly anyone outside the company would recognize me when I'm not in uniform. I swallow hard when I drive up to the gate, remembering how constricted security has become since Deep Ground. Which means the WRO is crawling with guards. After they have been infiltrated by Deep Ground, I doubt Reeve would take any chances on letting a civilian inside the compound without permission. Great. This is just what I need.

I keep in mind the medical treatment here is top notch because it's funded by Rufus. I can't get better care anywhere, other than Shin-Ra, while a security guard in the unmistakable WRO uniform steps over to my car. I hold my breath hoping that there will be some way I can get out of this without revealing my identity as a Turk. There are an awful lot of people who wouldn't hesitate to report my whereabouts to Tseng; which means, that if he knows I'm here he could arrive within the hour. I have to be extremely cautious not to be flagged. Dammit! And I've been doing so well, too! Now I've managed to get myself wedged between a rock and a hard place once again. This is just my luck. I hope this guy isn't one of those people.

Then again, Turks could be let in anywhere without questions; if we're recognized. I hope I have an I.D. on me that doesn't mark me as being in the Turks. In case he's one of those guys. I hope he's not, but he looks like he is. Great. Here we go…

"Do you have an I.D," the guard asks while I'm rolling my window down. I search my purse for some other source of identification rather than use my Turks. My wallet comes up empty and I heave a sigh.

"Crap. I must have left it at home. Is there any way I can still get in? I know the Commissioner." He places his hands to hang off his belt, while looking at me like I'm a fool. I know that stance. It's a warning that he's ready to draw his gun any moment.

"So do a lot of other people, miss," he says with a lazy tone, as if he's heard the same excuse many times before. I'm already off to a bad start. If I'm not careful, things might get progressively worse. Might as well try again.

" Listen, I know him. He worked for the Urban Development Department before becoming the Commissioner." The security guard just gives me a casual "humph". You would think that I'm a rookie all over again with how I'm being treated. Jeez. Hasn't this guy gotten the memo? I guess he wouldn't have if he's a rookie. He sure looks like one with the way he carries himself. This guy is younger than a lot of the security personnel stationed in Junon who have been hardened by experience and corrupted with bribery. From what I can tell, he follows the book ; that's why I'm not getting anywhere.

It's true that I could drop a few names to get myself through the gate, but that requires blowing my cover. At this point, it looks like I might have to. I kill the engine. The guard looks down at me, a scowl forming on his still young features.

"Let's make this easier for the both of us and let me through. I doubt Reeve would like the fact that you have me sitting out here like this."

"No can do until I see some I.D."

I lean on my fist against the window frame. I hate my job, just as I hate uncooperative people. If Rufus were here, we would already be inside.

"I can't. I'm under cover and I need Reeve's help. Let me through." My rope is beginning to fray so quickly, that I have to catch myself and put a clamp on anything snarky that is threatening to come out before it gets the better of me. At this point, I can't tell if it's exhaustion, or my own frustration coming out. Rufus' attitude is beginning to rub off on me. I've been spending too much time with him.

"I told you. No proof, no entry."

I lean back against my seat. _'Don't lose it, Elena.'_ Reno would have a field day if he ever hears about this. It would be another joke that involves my nickname and feathers being ruffled.

I could just call Reeve and have him let me in. I probably should have done that in the first place. Geez, I really am such a blonde sometimes.

"Fucking hell," I mutter under my breath, reaching in my back pocket for my Turk I.D. I pretend not to notice his cringe at my use of foul language and shove the card in his hand.

"Let's make a deal," I offer, watching from the corner of my eye as his skin takes on a whiter shade of pale. He does a double and triple take of the card I've handed him to what I look like as of now. My hair is messy, I know. I don't do my picture justice right now.

"Y-yes, ma'am," he blanches. Funny how when someone figures out you're a Turk, they magically become more cooperative.

"I don't tell my superiors about you, if you do the same for me. Are we clear?" My temper is still on thin ice, and no one wants to trample on that patch if they know what's good for them.

I understand that he's doing his job, but seriously! He didn't have to be such a jerk-face. I keep my concentration focused on the iron clad door ahead of me as it rolls open on grinding wheels. This feels like a case of deja-vu. I receive no further acknowledgment from the guard who is handing back my card. I start up the engine wondering if Reeve and Cait Sith could possibly put me in a better mood.

I park at the bottom of the staircase, take my time to get out of the car, and make my way up the stairs. Every action hurts more now than earlier. At the first of many large doors, I grimace realizing that I left my phone somewhere in the back of my car. I'll get it later. If Rufus just so happens to call, it's his turn for phone tag. He can wait.

One door after another permits my entrance through a wide hallway where Reeve greets me at the last door. As is tradition, Cait is at his side. A number of soldiers bustle around us, taking one glance at me and moving along much quicker. I manage a small smile at Reeve before the questions come.

"What happened to you, lass?" Cait is so blunt, I often forget that he's a robot; not an ounce of flesh and blood in him.

"Your appearance has me concerned as well, Elena. Would you mind explaining what happened?"

"It would be better if we spoke in your office. I shouldn't be seen or recognized."

"Understood." He turns on his heel, Cait following, to lead me up to his office on the third floor of the WRO complex. Surely he knows of the reports from the media searching for Rufus and me. We take the lift, which takes the stress off of my body for a short time before we're walking down the hall and up the few flights of stairs to his office. I lean against the wall for stability. My vision is swimming in and out of focus from all the movement. I struggle to focus on Reeve and the people meandering out of his office, before he takes me gently by the arm to bring me inside. My body collapses in the nearest chair exhausted from the climb. I suck it up. A small conversation won't make me lose any more energy I don't have to begin with. Where do I start? How can I possibly begin to explain what has been going on recently with Rufus and me? I have to start somewhere. Perhaps the beginning of all this craziness is good.

It would be smart of me to think this through more critically. I mean, being here against everyone's orders could be the end of my career if Tseng found out. I don't think he would be eager to fire if he saw the condition I'm in now. But still, I have to remain cautious. At least I know I can trust Reeve. Having worked alongside us Turks in the company, he's all too aware of Shin-Ra's standards. I can trust he won't give me away.

"So, what happened to you, lass," Cait repeats the question from the lobby, jumping atop his creator's desk to get a better look at me. I take a deep breath.

"I got into a fight," I respond figuring that this should be where I start my explanation. Cait looks over to his master.

"With who," he asks next.

"I don't know." And really, I don't. What a lame answer!

"It doesn't look like you were in an ordinary fist fight," Reeve says with reserve. I nod, relaxing further into the cushions of the chair. I could fall asleep happily right here. Better not. I have explaining to do.

"Rufus and I were in the Underwater Reactor. After Reno and I came back from Deep Ground, our reports concluded that someone has been tampering with the reactors. Tseng thought it wise that I bring the President underground until he comes up with more sufficient evidence on whether the attacks are personal, or against the company. He also gave the order that he's not to know where we are, despite what happens." Too bad that's only scratching the surface…

"I've heard reports of an earthquake in Edge, which doesn't naturally happen. So, that's what's been happening…"

I nod weakly.

"What about the car explosion? Was it your car?"

"It was," I answer, shifting in my seat.

"How did you get out in time?" Cait is the one to ask the question. I give a meek smile at his adorable cat face.

"Luck, really. If Rufus hadn't woken me up in time, I don't think we would have lived. We escaped at least five minutes before the explosion."

"And so, you've been hiding ever since."

"Yes." I watch Cait Sith move off to the side in order to make room for his owner. Reeve leans against the edge of the desk facing me, arms crossing over his chest. Isn't he feeling hot in that long duster coat? Seriously, it must be a million degrees in here!

"What of the Underwater Reactor?" His voice takes on a somewhat nervous tone, even though his composure is kept solid. That's probably how he made it through Shin-Ra. Also how he made such a bold decision to leave. I envy him for being able to go through with it.

"We'd be nothing more than a hole in the mountainside if we hadn't been able to do a bit of our own tampering. It should be fine for a while, yet." That seems to relax him a bit more. Whereas, I'm as far from relaxed as someone can get. I want to find Rufus. My jaw clenches at the thought of coming up empty handed yet again. It sends a chill down my spine. My heart is clenched in an icy grip for a second before leaving. I feel weaker now at the thought of not seeing him again, than I have before. How could I let this happen?

"What about the President? Is he all right?"

I swallow down the lump in my throat. My hands grip at the arm rests a bit too tightly.

"I don't know. The last I saw of him was in the collapsing tunnel. He had someone at gunpoint. I've been searching for him since…"

I'm afraid. If I don't find Rufus, there's no need for my job as a Turk. What then? What would I do with my life without the one man who drives me insane on a roller coaster of affection and aloofness? I find it difficult to picture my life without Rufus in it somewhere.

"I don't think he's dead, Elena. I highly doubt the President would allow himself to die in a collapsing tunnel after surviving Meteor, an attack from Diamond Weapon, and the Geostigma."

This is what I've been telling myself all along, but it takes someone like Reeve to really drive the thought home, even though I've been trying to convince myself of it while I was up waiting for him. He can't be dead. There's just no way.

"You care for him, don't ya?" My eyes fly open at the question to see Cait Sith watching me from his perch on the edge of the desk. There are so many ways in different context of what he could mean. Yet, my mind is intent to settle on just one. I can feel my knuckles turn white from how tightly my hands must be gripping the arm rests. My eyes find a new fascination with the speckled tile floor at me feet. Rufus' jacket is much too big for me. At this point I'm glad for it. The fabric gives me something to hide in, determined to make myself smaller. I shouldn't be admitting it. Hopefully the blush isn't visible beneath the bruises. I can't deny it, but I can't confirm my feelings either.

"Let's get you healed in the Medical Ward. We'll talk more about the President later."

I'm glad that Reeve dodged asking me about Rufus. It leaves me less caught up on my emotions and having to think about them. My mind needs a break from the insanity that is Rufus Shin-Ra anyway. Now I can finally dedicate my attention to healing and other things that were on my mind before the incident at the Underwater Reactor.

Reeve helps me out of the swivel chair, asking if I'm able to walk on my own. At this point I'm not really sure, but I give a nod anyway. I follow him, who pets a purring Cait Sith now perched on his shoulder through narrow hallways and back out to the main lobby. I take a breather every now and then on the stairwell before following him down to the lower levels of the complex. Going down the stairs isn't as tiring as going up them. However, I do receive some sentimental glances thrown my way for the shape I'm in. I wish they wouldn't look at me that way. It makes me feel even more pitiful. The lobby feels as if it's standing still with everyone looking at me, while being led down to the lower levels.

I always manage to call attention to myself whether I like it or not. It's a habit I haven't been able to get rid of. I just hope no one recognizes me enough to say anything. It seems I still have a lot more to worry about than my wounds.

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><p><strong><em>AN: Like I said, I know it's a boring chapter. Don't kill me. Rufus isn't in it, which makes it harder for Elena. But hey, when a significant person in our lives up and disappears, it gets hard._**

**_You know how I love reviews! Leave them please! They help the plot bunnies multiply and continue the story. :)_**


	9. Different Perspectives of a Matter

_**A/N: I know guys! It's been forever since I've updated. I'm sorry. School is so tiring, and I have a feeling that my updates are going to be slowed down while I'm in school this semester until the summer, at least. However, I have a plan to post Chapters 10 and 11 before I head back to school for the spring. Anyways, I'll let you read and give me your thoughts! I want to know what all of you think! Loves to all! **_

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><p>Chapter IX: Different Perspectives of a Matter<p>

Cait Sith's purring is abnormally loud. My state of deep sleep is interrupted by his sudden appearance on my bed. Even though he's purely machine, his antics have a way of convincing me otherwise. Especially with the way he's keeping me company and sleeping next to me. It must be some deeply deprived cat instinct, I figure.

I groan: "Cait... can you tone it down?" _I'm really fucking tired. _The purring stops when he raises his head to look at me, and I at him through heavily lidded eyes.

"Sorry, was it bothering you?" There's a hint of resignation in his voice. It must not be often that he gets to act upon natural instinct for his species. Now I feel bad. It's just one mistake after another.

"No. I can't sleep, is all." I close my eyes against the dim light coming from my heart monitor. The rhythmic beeping too, is almost too loud for me to bear. I almost want to kill the machine for absolute silence. The only problem is, I don't have my gun. It's been a while since I've had absolute silence. At least here, Reeve would make sure I'm in near perfect condition before he lets me leave. He's a good guy.

I nod off again, moving in a way that the soft linens of Rufus' blazer rub against my skin while I rest into my pillow. Reeve was kind enough to help me reason with the doctors who fret over my keeping the tattered article. Who knows what he'll think if he finds out what goes on in my head. No, actually I know exactly what he'll think; and it won't be in either of our interests. That's why I'm not going to tell him, or Rufus. Ever. There is no way I can admit to mainly Rufus that I can't let him go based on the assumption of his almost-maybe death if he's alive. I'll never be able to live it down. And Rufus would think I'm the biggest fool ever. He would be disgusted, if he's not watching me from the Lifestream. A simple solution would be to admit defeat and let him win at this game like he always does with many other women. I feel like he's still testing me, even though he's not around. Just the thought of him is torment enough! I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. My instincts are trapped between duty and, I hate to say it, love. _Love..._ it's not that. It can never be that. No matter how many times I have this conversation with myself, it always comes back to that four letter word. So destructive; so powerful, so not something that can ever happen in my lifetime. Better not to dwell on these thoughts, they'll ruin me for sure.

I try my hardest to get comfortable despite my not being able to sleep at all. The painkillers are still working, which is a plus on my part. No pain. Sleeping is the better side effect than what my mom has told me I do. No one would be pleased to hear about my infatuations with Rufus. Well, perhaps Reno, but there's no way I'll ever let him near me when I'm as sky high as right now. I've found it's better to keep my secrets to myself for as long as I can. Wait. Is Reeve coming to talk to me about Rufus? Crap. Double crap. I didn't mean to give myself away! Oh, Rufus is definitely going to hate me! _Shit! I really have to watch my mouth._

Again, I try at relaxing without much success. I groan in frustration. The presence of Cait's body moves from down by my feet up to near my head, where he rests in a heap not far away. His mechanical purr is odd, yet soothing at the same time. I give a smile at how he's remembered to keep it at a minimum.

I suppose Reeve is going to want answers soon. Even though I'm on heavy pain medicines, I might as well make myself talk. I don't want to say anything stupid that would end up getting me in a hole I have no way of digging out from. Hopefully he'll wait until I'm feeling better. Alright. I can not sleep anymore. My head is still really fuzzy with temptation to black out, but a part of me is not going to let that happen. My body is weighed down with so much medications, everything feels warped. As if I am stuck somewhere between a dream and reality. It's difficult to tell which is which right now. But the fact of the matter is: my body has had enough with sleeping. Call it a curse, but I have always had an issue with staying in bed.

"Elena, you're awake?" Cait Sith's question brings me to further consciousness. When I open my eyes, my head is swimming. Everything feels as if I've been twirled upside down, then set on my feet. I give a groan, bringing my hand up to ease the pounding in my head. I shouldn't have woen too quickly.

"You should go back to sleep, lass."

I shake my head slowly. "No. I've had enough with sleeping."

At least I didn't wake up in pain this time. I am so sick of doing that.

"Where's Reeve," I ask despite the weird lightheadedness. I would rather not fall asleep again while Reeve is trying to talk with me. Maybe he will be the better man and wait until I am fully conscious and in my right mind before daring the conversation. That might be in my better interest.

I force myself to sleep for what feels like a few more hours. Though, I must be wrong considering Reeve is the one to wake me this time around. He sounds far away at first when he speaks. I almost don't believe him when he says that I've been asleep for the better part of two days. _How can that be? I swear I fell asleep just a few hours ago._ I want to sleep the medicine off before my body takes time to heal itself. Rufus can wait as far as I'm concerned. I need some me time.

My eyes flutter open to see Cait Sith jump down from the side of my bed and out of sight, except for the tips of his golden crown. I follow it with half closed eyes, as it rounds my bed, to have Reeve bend down and pick him up. My vision is beginning to focus some. Well, it's better than being blind, I'll give you that. I blink a few more times, settling my gaze on Reeve. From his expression alone, I must look like crap. He's polite enough not to admit it, though. Which helps in my case. I feel like I have been run over by a train... twice. I must look the part, too. Jeez. I can never get a break, can I? I don't even bother with pulling a dramatic move since a, I can't really move, and b, I'm much too tired.

"How are you feeling?" _Why is everyone always asking me that? Do they expect me not to be okay? Am I _that _vulnerable looking? _ I heave a sigh. I'm still groggy from the medication, and the question takes a minute to register. Reno would definitely take the opportunity to think of another nickname for me. Or make some reference to Sleeping Beauty. Guess I have no excuse against that. He would be right after all.

"It's been better... and it's been worse," I answer. Reeve has lost the duster, sporting a white dress shirt, tie, and black slacks. His attire reminds me of the days he used to work for the company.

"Do you miss it, Reeve?" He gives me a bewildered glance while fetching a swivel chair from across the room.

"Miss what, exactly?"

"Working for the company." He sits in silence for a few moments.

"Sometimes." I catch the shrug in his voice, but there is something else behind it. I can't put my finger on what it may be. Annoyance that I'm bringing up such a topic?

"Why did you decide to leave?" I know better than to ask that. I know why he left, even though he never said the reason out loud. _It was because of the President._ I have never dared to open his resignation letter despite it sitting untouched on Rufus' desk. It was never mine to read. I doubt Rufus read it, either, since the envelope just up and disappeared, and life went on as always.

I watch Reeve's expression change with thoughts of how he could explain without sounding crude or impolite. It would be alright. None of us liked the former president. Except for maybe Scarlet and Heidegger. That's just like Reeve, though. He is always thinking about what to say.

"I couldn't tolerate the way things were being handled by Heidegger and Scarlet. It bothered me how they were trying to manipulate Rufus while he was in power. In some ways, I guess you can say that he was better than his father. But in other's he was everyone's worst nightmare. Tseng knew I wasn't pleased, yet I did what I had to for the company. I pretended not to care about all that was going on with the world. Tseng offer ed that I work as a double agent. So I could see what was going on from the outside. He and Reno helped me construct Cait to spy on Cloud. I suppose they never thought I would leave." I nod in response. There's not much I can say to that.

I pick at the blanket covering my lap. Half of my mind is still thinking about Rufus, the other half is trying to concentrate on Reeve. I know what he means. It must have been hard for him to be so conflicted inside the company. The small voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me that Rufus is alive out there somewhere. I shouldn't be here confined to a bed. I should be out there looking for him. At the same time, I'm afraid of what I would, or rather wouldn't, find.

The meds are wearing off slower than I would like. Though, I would rather be in good shape to restart my search for Rufus, than in the condition I am now. They are leaving me in a state of dull pain. Not that I would not be able to deal with it. I can. However, it's a bit distracting from the conversation.

"They would never admit it, but, Tseng, Reno, and Rude miss you," I say slowly, testing my words. It's true, though. Despite me being nowhere near the best at reading people, Tseng, Reno, and Rude do miss having Reeve around. They've said in their own way that he was the kindest of the Shin-Ra executives, and knew how tedious our jobs were. So, it was always worth getting acknowledged for it at the end of the day. Even if we are supposed to remain in the shadows. Reeve gives me a strange look and I bite my lip. I shouldn't have said that. This is why I hate being on heavy doses of medications. I act even more stupid than normal.

"Don't tell them I said that, okay?" Each of them would have their turn killing me on separate occasions. Reeve just chuckles.

"'I promise. Now, what concerns me is how you reacted to Cait Sith's question." I tense, Great. I knew this was coming, and I was totally ready for it. But I'm still nervous. Of course he would be concerned. "Dipping your pen in company ink", as one would say, is bad. Very bad. I learned that the hard way with Tseng. I don't even want to consider what Rufus is doing. He knows better than to do this. I was hoping that Reeve wouldn't ask.

"before you say anything, I know. I'm aware of the trouble I can get myself into. I just... don't know what to do." I glance down to see white knuckles from how tightly I'm gripping the blanket. Jeez. I'm really on edge. I'm even more nervous about actually telling someone about all this. Reeve remains silent for a moment with a calculating expression.

"Does Rufus know?" I shake my head.

"No... maybe... I don't know. If he does, he hasn't said anything. He has me so confused! Sometimes I think I finally have him figured out. That he likes me by the way he acts and the things he says. Then other times he is so distant and acts like nothing has ever happened between us!" _I'm talking way too much. _

"Has anything happened between you two?"

"No," I interject. Maybe I answered that too quickly. Now it seems like I have something to hide even more. Reeve's expression shows that I've caught him off guard.

"No," I state in a calmer tone, brushing strands of hair out of my face. Just thinking about Rufus has me all different kinds of worked up.

"I can understand if he's doing what he's doing just to keep up appearances, but what he says when we are alone makes me think that maybe some of it is genuine. Other times he doesn't answer when I ask him about it. I don't know what to do, Reeve." I don't feel that saying any more than this would be safe. I suppose getting Reeve involved would cause even more trouble than I want.

The things I have done with Rufus will remain our own personal secret. They should not be anyone's business. Besides, Rufus wouldn't appreciate me talking about this at all. I better make sure word has no way of getting around about this conversation.

"What about how you feel?"

I swallow hard. I have been trying not to think about that. I shift under the blankets. "I've been fighting myself."

It's the easiest answer, the shortest, and the most truthful. Yes, I have been fighting myself. I have been doing a lot of that. What else am I supposed to do? Give in? I can't!

"Half of me is convinced that he is just toying with me, because that's what he does. And the other half wants to believe him." I bite my bottom lip. I really shouldn't be talking anymore. It's not like Reeve can do anything to help me anyway. I don't know what else to tell him other than the things I have done with Rufus. Let's not go there. I wished to be spared from more scrutiny.

This small break has lasted long enough. My jaw clenches. There isn't much of anything that distinguishes the difference between my dedication as a Turk, and my personal feelings. That is, except this tightness in my chest. No matter how many times I try to tell myself that it is nothing, I feel as if a small part of me dies every time. How could I have let Rufus affect me like this? I keep wishing that these feelings would go away. It could only be a crush. No. It's not that. Crushes fade with time. Or when something else happens.

_You're still trying to shove it aside. How many times do I have to tell you that Rufus really does have a thing for you? _I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I? I can't get that little voice to cooperate with the rest of me. It always thinks it knows better than I do. I admit, most times it's right. However, it cannot be right about this. If it is... I don't know. I wish it would stop trying to convince me what is best for myself. The few times I have listened to that little voice, while they were not terrible, I've been left in an even more confused state. I wan to be alone. I want some time to think without any distractions. I appreciate the help that Reeve is trying to give me, but I need to figure things out myself.

I glance up to him, meeting his eyes with a meek smile that quickly disappears.

"I... think I need some time alone. If you don't mind."

"Sure. I'll be in my office if you need anything," he says in a low tone. His hand lands on my shoulder for a moment, squeezing it on his way out. I watch he and Cait leave, heaving a sigh and thinking of what to do next. _I should shower, and get something to eat._ I'm not tethered to an IV anymore, which makes things so much easier to deal with. Now, maybe I can start getting things back together. Like they are supposed to be. Perhaps I should start with that shower.

XxXxX

The WRO is oddly quiet for having so many people on a twenty-four hour basis. The firt time I notice this is when I leave my room for the shower. It was less quiet then, than it is now that I'm done. But the weird thing is, the place seems to get more and more quiet as the day progresses. I can say that my ribs have finally healed enough not to bother me so much, except for a dull pain if I move a certain way. Better not to do that.

I need something to do. Getting food sounds like a good plan for starters. I head in the direction of the cafeteria. After grabbing a sandwich off of one of the display trays, I make my way to a seat near one of the large windows that overlook the grasslands and canyon created by one of the WEAPONs. The sky is almost that same shade of crimson when Meteor struck down on Midgar. Hues of pink, purple, and blue collide across the sky as the afternoon fades into twilight, taking the bright colours with the sun. Without watching the sky go through this change, the place would feel stationary. As if time is standing still. Despite that. It doesn't feel as if there has been a tunnel collaps in Junon at all. My only reminders of that are Rufus' blazer, and my car.

I nibble on my sandwich while my eyes follow the stairs that lead down from the complex to my car below, from another window to the far right. _My phone is still in there. I wonder if Rufus called. _No. A part of me kills that thought almost instantly. He's not going to call. No matter how much I tell myself that he might; he won't. What else should I do, though? I don't like hanging on to nothing with no sense of direction. It's troublesome; and it gets me in trouble. My overactive imagination has a way of doing just that: being overactive. Geez. This sucks. No one better tell me to relax, or I will beat them. Seriously. I tear another bite out of my sandwich, thinking of something I can do to pass time while I heal some more, other than just sitting and sleeping. I hate being left with nothing to do. That is the worst for me.

My thoughts are dangerous. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

_I could go visit my mom's grave... I owe her that much... _Thinking about her and the reminder that she died in Midgar's collapse reopens wounds that had never healed. The paper from my sandwich crumples from my grasp in one hand, while I bite the knuckles of my other hand to fight oncoming tears that I haven't let myself shed. I wonder how I have been able to shove that down for so long. It was probably by keeping myself so busy. I have been so involved with my work, I only paid half attention to the call I was given. I feel like a terrible daughter for not dropping everything and going to her. She already didn't want me to join the Turks because of what did and didn't happen to Lilie. Not to mention our last conversation exploded in my face and transformed into a yelling match as to what I was going to do with my life, along with my future.

Since Lilie had gone missing, my mom was looking to me in having a future of being able to settle down, get married, and have children. Just thinking about this is depressing. I slap the other half of my sandwich down on the nearest table, take a seat in the adjoining chair, and try to settle the lump in my throat. With the back of my hand, I wipe away tears, fighting myself not to cry more. I don't want to visit her grave. I'm afraid to face what I have not done. I'm also afraid to face what I have. I am terrified of seeing that stone slab in the ground and facing reality, because it is always a slap in the face.


	10. What's Remembered That Was Forgotten

_**A/N: Yay for Chapter 10! Oh jeez, that was hard core typing. I'm glad I got it posted, though. Now I can finally concentrate on Chapter 11 and not have to worry about feeling crunched with time. So, I leave you all to this. Have fun! **_

_**Pppppssssssttttt! Leave a review! It makes Elena happy. And me. :) See ya in Chapter 11! Loves for all!**_

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><p>Chapter X: What's Remembered Once Forgotten<p>

I have to get a grip on myself. I have to push every fear that I've ever had aside and deal with my reality. It's not going to go away. I have to face it, whether I like it or not. My mom isn't around anymore and it is my fault. If I haven't been such a screw up, always standing in Lilie's shadow, things would be different. If I had put my family before my work and answered the phone that one time, she probably would still be alive. I'm disgusted with myself. Not only haven't I left the cafeteria, I'm hiding in a dark corner and crying like the world ended yesterday. Lilie was right when she said I have no emotional restraint. I am such a cry baby!

The sky has long since darkened outside, so has the room since it shut down for the day. I've remained in this spot for too long having mommy issues and an emotional breakdown. I should just suck it up. That is what Lilie would have done. To be fair, I have sucked it up. For three years I haven't let out the emotional torment that has been happening in my mind upon receiving the word of my mom's death. That has been a real gut-puncher. Especially since I left home with her telling me I was going to get myself killed. At the same time, I kinda did deserve what she threw at me. I was a brat with a knack at picking fights, housing activists, and being an all out rebel. Though, I'm nothing like Lilie. I never was. I could never be like her even though my parents wanted so badly for me to be.

I pull my knees up to my chest and brush away the tears. Crying isn't going to get me anywhere when I still owe a debt to my mom. My sister is missing, my mom is dead, I work for the company responsible for so many things that are wrong with the world, and then there is Rufus. The one person I can't keep out of my head for less than a day, and he is the center of it all. _He's a better person,_ I try convincing myself. All of that has happened makes me understand now, more than before, why people hate us so much. Along with that, I now understand the delicate position Rufus is in. I understand why he would never be able to make a formal apology to the world-it would have no effect. I suppose what he is doing now is his way of saying sorry. We all are-us who work at Shin-Ra. Well, those who have returned, anyway. The only thing he can do is change the way Shin-Ra is run and try to improve what we have left. I envy him for his courage.

I uncurl myself, finally making up my mind to visit my mom's grave. If Rufus is brave enough to face a world that hates him, I should be brave enough to visit _that place. _It was never fair to her that I was too busy with work to talk on the phone. My feet bring me instinctively to Reeve's office. Before I'm fully aware of what I am doing, my hand is balled into a fist and knocking on the metal door. When it slides open, my breath catches and my mind goes blank. _What was I going to ask again? _I can't remember! _Crap! _I've been staring at nothing for too long. _Eyes to the floor! Eyes to the floor! _My eyes fall to my shoes.

"Did you need something, Elena?"

_Why is my brain broken, now?_

"Um..." _Think, Elena! Think! _Then it comes back to me. I glance up to meet dark brown eyes filled with concern.

"I want to visit my mother's grave... in Mideel."

XxXxX

The rhythmic beat of the chopper's propellor at this late hour doesn't bother me as much as the ride. My stomach has dropped again, like it tends to do when I'm anxious. In a way I can't believe that Reeve humored my request for such a late night trip to an island secluded from society. In another, I can. Reeve pities me. In any psychiatrist's handbook, I should be the epitome of lunacy. How I have managed to keep a straight head, I don't know, but I'm feeling my walls crumbling. Was I mistaken in doing this? Probably. Either way, I have no choice. There's no way I can turn back now.

I fight with my hair being tossed around from the slowing propellor. I nod to Reeve, telling him that I should be back in less that an hour, then make a bee-line far from it as quickly as possible. The grass muffles my steps with soft crunches, as I stray off the beaten path in the direction of the graveyard. If it isn't fot the moon filtering light through large leaved trees, I would be meandering this jungle completely blind. That is even worse than I want to think about. Too much. I have to stop thinking about so many things and just concentrate on what to say. That doesn't save me from tripping a good three times. I reach a rusty, ivy covered, fence surrounding what is a very unkept grave site. Most of the stones are covered in moss. Only a few have been spared the green decoration of ivy and the like, most likely because they're rather new. My mom's is among them. My breath catches in my throat. I wasn't thinking that I would find it this quickly. Half of me hoped I wouldn't find it at all, and turn back without doing anything. I push aside wild grasses when I open the gate to weave through the stones in search for hers. I'm actually glad that she was buried here, and not in Midgar. She always complained about the poor air quality.

I sink to my knees when I find the right one. "_In memory of Jen Parson"_ the stone says on its inky surface. No subtext. I guess no one had anything special to say. I still don't know what I should say. _As if she can hear me_, the thought passes through my mind, a cruel smirk tugging at the edge of my lip. Again I'm guilty of not thinking it all the way through. But if I had, would I be here right now? I doubt it.

"I'm sorry for not coming sooner... I guess I can't lie and say that I was busy. Not to you. Not now..." _Why is this so hard?_ My fingers latch on a few long blades of grass and start working them into a braid. It gives me something to do, so I don't feel as much of a fool.

"I've... been avoiding it. You did say that I am a pro at avoiding things." The words keep coming, even though I don't know what to talk about. I remind myself not to tell Rufus about this visit. I have definitely gotten myself into a mess. I have been avoiding this for much too long.

"I have gotten myself into quite a mess, and you would slap me for it. I know you would kill me if you knew some of the other things I have done. Getting myself tied up in something with a man like Rufus Shin-Ra would be one of them." There's a crack of thunder overhead, despite there being no sign of rain tonight. I could be wrong. I often am. I shudder at the sound.

"I know! I shouldn't have! I'm sorry! But you would find it a battle to resist him, too if you worked with him every day saw a side to him no one else has. Please, mom. Try to be supportive?" Another rumble of thunder greets me with more menace than the last. Maybe there is a storm coming.

"Okay! I get it! You're not happy. I knew this wouldn't go over well. I just... I don't know what to do. He turns everything I thought I knew upside down. Once I think I have him figured out, he changes. It never stops. And he leads me on these emotional roller coaster rides to Crazy! I want to throttle him sometimes for pushing me over the deep end. Then when I feel like I'm drowning, he pulls me to the surface, just to push me in again! I don't know if I can handle it. I mean... he holds my hand sometimes; wraps my hand in the crook of his arm when we go somewhere. But he's never let anyone touch him before." I rub my hands down my face. _Might as well tell her the rest. _

"It isn't my fault. Rufus keeps giving me mixed messages, and for most of the time, I have been fighting myself to stay away. I shouldn't feel anything because he is my boss! I know where to draw the line! It's just... he blurs that line and bends every company policy to near breaking point. He's making it harder and harder to resist. Every time I see him and know that he is okay-if I could put into words what I feel-I would! I can't seem to understand it. I have been telling myself that there is no way I can have him. That he wouldn't want someone like me anyway. I can't fall in love with him because-for a number of reasons. He's my boss' boss. He would never look in my direction. I'm everything opposite of the world he lives in with upper-class personnel. It would be breaking every rule ever made, and it's not like I can be open about this!"

I take a breather, picking a few more blades of grass and braiding them, too. My knees are sore, so I change positions to lie down. Pretty soon I'll have enough of these to make a basket at the rate I'm going. I shiver from a slight chill of cold grass sinking through my tee shirt.

"I can't tell my coworkers because office romances have no place there. Not that I'm worried about Reno and Rude ratting me out, but someone might overhear, like my boss. Word travels fast in the company. That's another thing! What do I do about Tseng? When I first started, I was infatuated with him. But over the years, he's become more of a kindred spirit and someone I can confide in." I cover my eyes with my arms against white moonlight overhead, and heave a sigh. "What do I do?... I'm scared, mom."

Silence is my answer. I feel as if something is waiting for me to speak more. To fill that awkward stillness.

"I don't know if Rufus is being sincere, or toying with me, like he has with numerous other women I have seen in the office. It is expected of him. If he is, and I fall for it, then I'm the fool. Still, I have the hope that maybe he isn't. Is it stupid of me to try and grasp at such a hope?" This is stupid. I shouldn't be talking so much about Rufus and my work. If anyone were to hear me they would think I'm crazy. I already have enough crazy to deal with in finding Rufus. _Rufus._My phone is still in the backseat of my car. Though, I doubt he has given it a call. _Always cautious._ I almost giggle at how careful he in comparison to Reno. Even so, both of them have managed to live this long, if not by some act of luck. I might consider myself lucky to be here, and not suffering my mom's wrath in the Lifestream.

I tell her what has happened with Midgar. The torture Tseng and I endured, the recuperation, Jenova, the crazed SOLDIER General with mommy issues returning from the dead. Ghosts from long past digging out of the ground for revenge, or whatever. Maybe it was something else? I didn't get the full details. It had something to do with Midgar's unexplored lower levels and disappearances of people who ventured in, and secrets. Lots of secrets. With Mako Reactor Zero thrown into the mix, something else was wanting to destroy the planet. A lot has happened in the last three years. I tell her everything except for my current assignment from Tseng. I feel like I should keep that to myself, until I have more of a grasp on my life. Perhaps that day will never come. I'm not sure. For the moment, it feels like the right thing to do.

I sit up with an uneasiness sitting in the pit of my stomach. Perhaps I have overstayed my welcome. The surrounding forest is watching me. A thousand invisible eyes. There's not a word that escapes the ears of the forest. A shudder overcomes me thing about what could be beyond the trees. For a moment my body shuts down and freezes. Someone is watching me. They have been since I came. _I should leave. _I force the lump in my throat before gathering my courage to stand.

"I know you're there. What do you want," I ask out into the trees, using the bravest voice I can muster. I hate being in a forest at night alone when things get like this.

Nothing.

I turn my back, not being able to shake off that something, or someone is watching me. Every instinct I have as a Turk is screaming at me to hunt it down and find out what. I fight that with an inner reasoning that my best choice is to head back to the helicopter, and Reeve. Not hunting phantoms in the middle of the night.

I lie the braided blades of grass upon the black stone, heading back in the direction I came. It makes me feel important knowing that I have an escort waiting for me. Now I know where Rufus gets his highs. I also feel exposed for having been overheard of my deepest feelings and regrets. Someone _was _there. There isn't any shaking that feeling off. It hits me. I recognise that presence. I shake my head. Always looming over me, superior in every way, every day of my childhood. _It can't be possible... _A small voice in the back of my mind whispers: _Missing. Not dead._

XxXxX

Whatever Reeve said on the way back to the WRO has been blocked out by my thoughts and the unsavory taste left in my mouth. If that was her, it means she's watching me. If not, then I'm even more crazy than I thought. I shake my head. Thinking about her amongst other things is only going to drive me mad. If anything, I shouldn't add it to my already long list of things to do. _I probably shouldn't linger with Reeve for much longer. By being at the WRO, I'm placing him at risk of getting into the middle of my problems._ It definitely would do better to move on with my search. Reeve has helped me more than I deserve at this point.

"Elena." I glance to where he is sitting across from me. His expression tells me that I have missed something important. _Oops._

"Are you alright? You seem... a bit distracted."

_That's the understatement of the year._I mutter an apology in an undertone. My mind shouldn't be wandering, but it is. And at a time like this. With so many things going on my head, it's almost ridiculous to ask me to sort through them all. Tseng would. He would tell me to get my shit straight and pay attention to what is going on around me, like the not-rookie I am. I almost miss his scolding me.

"I have a lot on my mind," I manage after a minute. _Almost too much. _I still haven't reached any conclusions. This makes me even more miserable than getting vague answers from Rufus. _Why can't I get him off my mind?_ This is going to drive me insane. I thought visiting my mom would help. The only thing it did was allow me to vent. Not that the venting didn't help, it did. I still haven't resolved anything about Rufus. Maybe I'm over thinking this again. Yep. There is no doubt. I heave a sigh at how annoying this is all becoming. _Gods! Now I'm thinking like Rufus! _He's had more of an influence on me than I would like. Wait. I can use this to my advantage. I look up at Reeve again. He's not paying attention to me, but that's alright. He does not have to know what I am thinking of doing. _Rufus _is _alive! T_he voice in the back of my mind practically screams at me to get a move on. I don't have to go looking for him because that would draw attention. I am so _stupid! _

Of course Rufus would not be where I was hoping! He's still waiting. Waiting for the right time to make his best strategic move to his benefit. _Shit! _And here I am, making myself as bright as a flare to anyone looking! I am an idiot. I drop my head in my hands. How could I be so stupid?! Oh gods, I must have delayed his next move by a few days. Rufus will not be happy. He isn't a very patient man on the inside. Anyone could see it if they knew to look.

There is no way I can stay at the WRO any longer. If I'm holding Rufus up by acting the fool, then there isn't much guarantee that he will forgive me. I could beat myself up for this. Rufus could fire me! I bite my bottom lip in anticipation. I have to get going.

As soon as the helicopter lands, I'm out in a downpour that soaks through my shirt like a bucket of water. It doesn't matter. I yell a "bye" at Reeve, running to the roof door. He calls after me, but I am already out of earshot. Not to mention the rain makes trying to carry a voice pretty shitty. I don't have time for formal goodbyes. I have to fix my mistake by remaining where no one can find me, or recognise me. Rufus will come. I say it to myself like a mantra. I have to trust that he will and try my damnest not to panic if he doesn't show himself as soon as I would like. Though, I would hate being left to wait for months, or even years! Let's not think about that. I have to believe that little voice. And that little voice is telling me to go back to Junon, remain in wait, and maybe he will come.

I race down the many flights of stairs on pure adrenalin. I almost cannot believe the amount of energy I have to run like this. Then again, I have a very good motive. My feet carry me out through the lobby, the many security doors I passed through, and out to the gate where my car sits. To my luck of which is being open so I don't have to risk crashing into it. That would be bad. I waste no time climbing in, and searching for my phone in the back seat. When I turn it on from sleep mode it shows that no calls have been missed. _Of course he wouldn't call, damnit! He wouldn't risk it! _I roll my eyes. I know better. Tseng has always said that my impatience would work against me. I toss my phone into the passenger seat, crawling back up to take the driver's side. The engine let's out a low growl despite the humidity and rain in the air. I feel like I've had an extra dose of caffeine. My thoughts are going too fast for me to catch up. The only thing I know for certain is that I should be in Junon. That, and Rufus will be back.


End file.
